1.5 years until she is out of here!
Help, please! I need to vent SO bad.
Where to even begin? I have the bitchiest nastiest most narcissistic step daughter in the world. I fought so hard for her to get her away from her abusive mom, and it really was the worst mistake I have ever made. I say that I fought for her because I did, I found a great lawyer, paid for him and all fees associated with the custody battle. Boy did I make a mistake. We started out ok, and the first 2 weeks were a great 'honeymoon' period. She behaved, was respectful, and was greatful for what I did for her. Things have been going down hill even since and that was 3.5 years ago. My husband feels guilty about her living with her mom for the 4 years previous to now, so he overcompensates and refuses to discipline her.
Things started to go bad quite quickly when her 'real' personality kicked in. She stopped saying 'thank you' relatively soon after she moved in. We went through several months of hell where she constantly said 'I'm the boss' which made my blood boil. She would even call me a b^*&( to my husband, who unfortunately did not correct her when he should have. Living with her was impossible. Things kept getting worse.
Last year, we moved away from her hometown, and I realize now we should have left her there. She has officially been diagnosed as is narcissistic disorder, bipolar, add and adhd. Can you imagine living with this? She is now 17, refuses to go to counseling that she badly needs and is the most demanding bitch in the world. She won't eat at home, and she insists on belonging to the best gyms (hello narcissism) and being carted around from restaurant to restaurant. She wastes about $400 per month because she won't eat what we cook for her. We don't dare let her drive our only car or she would total it. Since my husband doesn't work, we don't have a lot of money.
I have just about had it and some days I think of kicking out her and my husband. Unfortunately my husband's response is "she has a disorder, would you kick out a handicapped kid?" He has no job, no income other than social security so if I kick her out they are screwed. Still, it sounds so tempting. I am not sure how much more of this I can take. Some days I fantisize about slapping the little bitch about a million times. (Unfortunately, thanks to her mom's abuse I can't).
Sorry, I just needed to vent. Now she is bitching because HER dog that we got for her smells, and she wants ME to wash it. Over my fu&^%$% dead body. 1.5 years to go little brat and you are out of here!!! }:)
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Llorraine23-The beginning of
Llorraine23-The beginning of your story is almost identical to mine. Paid for and got custody of the SD 2.5 yrs ago and now it's biting us in the ass. She's 18 and now believes she can do whatever she wants because now she is an adult and had her mother call the police on us because we wouldn't let her leave the house at 9:30pm on a school night!!
How do you put up with that shit? If you just don't take her out to eat, she'll eventually get hungry, right? She sounds like Paris Hilton. I had no idea that narcissism was a diagnosable disorder. How do you fix that?
My skid's BM is a sociopath, but unfortunately won't get help and is on denial of it, as a sociopath naturally would be. Can't help those that won't help themselves.
And I'm totally with you on the Skid venting to the BD and him not correcting her. The way I look at it, he chose me, she just happened, there was no choice!!!
I've got 6 months left, in her second semester of senior yr, and hopefully she'll fall out of the picture soon after, fingers crossed.
Hi Phenonomom417, This is
Hi Phenonomom417,
This is just SO frustrating, isn't it? My SD's BM is bipolar, and I would be willing to bet has the gambit of other problems that my SD does (she didn't get them from her dad). Unfortunately, you can't fix the narcissism any other way besides counseling (which she won't go to). It will screw up her future relationships-no one in their right mind will put up with this. She went to counseling once, and after the psychiatrist had pegged her in a 1/2 hour she freaked out and started cussing at him. Basically she couldn't handle hearing what she is really like so she torpedoed the session. Needless to say he kicked her out of the office. That was a proud moment, let me tell you.
We just had our third bad Christmas. She flat out refused to open her presents yesterday morning b/c she didn't get a pet snake like she wanted. She already has a dog and a rabbit she doesn't take care of. I finally decided I have had enough and I got REALLY grumpy with her (we fought, she cried, I don't care). She finally opened her presents at about 2am and then proceeded to tell me what she wanted to take back first thing this morning. Then, my husband kept making excused for her and so needless to say I got grumpy with him. Ironically, after all of this I'M the bad guy!
Augh I wonder what I did in a past life to deserve this? I tried so hard in the beginning to help her, to get her away from her mom and show her how she should act, to make her feel at home and to give her a good life. Now everything I do to help her is only for the sake of my husband. I honestly could care less about her anymore and as far as I am concerned after she graduates she won't set foot back in my house.
I dealt with the SS situation
I dealt with the SS situation this year a little differently, but it didn't stop him from ruining my Christmas day...
Background - In September, I paid for the $400 iTouch he got in September for his birthday! I went out at 4:00 on his birthday and bought it, his father had done nothing. I wrapped it, bought the card, bounced a check to buy the cake after laying out for everything else, and ordered the food for dinner, which I told SO to pick up on his way home because I was literally out of money.
After all that, a month later he had the party described elsewhere on this forum earlier today. While we were out of the house - alcohol, pot, vomit on my kitchen walls, teens having sex in my children's beds, and the "guests" ransacked our place and tried to rob us. Well, I certainly wasn't taking up the slack for Christmas. I bought him not one thing.
I started shopping for my BD13 and BS11 in September. SO looked at me around 8:00pm on 12/23 and said, "So what should I get for [SS]?" I told him the one idea that I had, and he didn't think SS would like it. Ok. So we went to Best Buy and he got him some really excellent head phones for his iTouch and a violent video game for xBox. (He also paid for a computer for my mom, SO is a really beautiful person, just has trouble with the realities about his son.) Christmas night, we wrapped everything and brought it out. He had never purchased anything for SS's stocking, so it remained empty. Usually, I would have been doing it all -
The gifts I bought my kids were from SO and me on the tags, and we did the same for SS, but his stocking was empty when he woke up Xmas morning. Then, as described in my earlier post today, he proceeded to sabotage my day, along with his half brother who showed up at our door (walked in without knocking actually) at 4:30 Christmas Eve and left sometime yesterday morning without saying thank you or even good bye.
I'm so glad to have found this forum -- SS graduates high school in six months (hopefully), and between this and my intensive therapy, I might just make it.
Hi iGiveup, I do feel your
Hi iGiveup,
I do feel your pain. I am right there with you. I am also incredibly thankful for this forum. This is the one place I feel free to really vent my frustrations. I wish you the best, and I will cross my fingers for you. Hopefully, your SS will be out of there and you can have your life back!
Blended family my a**. That is just a nice way of saying 'personal hell for the Step parent!'
Yes, the mantra (1.5 years.
Yes, the mantra (1.5 years. 1.5 years ...) will help. Just keep saying it to yourself. What is it with DH and their daughters? I don't get it and they don't see the brats they have helped to create by not manning up and disiplining the SD.
Ugh, I know! I really blame
Ugh, I know! I really blame him for letting her be so screwed up and selfish! Last night the SD pulled the "I want to go live with my mom." What does my DH do? Starts sucking up to her. F*** that let her go. She can go back to the abuse. I guarantee you she will start regretting her decision after about 2 days. }:)
There is a special place in
There is a special place in heaven for stepparents!!!
That is so true about the DH and their daughters. We have 3 of our own children, 12, 9, and 7 and they get the wrath of dad, but the 18 yr old skid, no way, he's afraid of her. WTH? We've got 6 more months, but if she enrolls in school somewhere and moves out we'll be responsible for that. She's got low intelligence so I know she won't make it. BM said she was gonna make sure she was in school in the fall so we can't cancel skid's health insurance. BTW, she takes skid to the dr and hospital whenever she wants and we got the subsequent bills.
I keep thinking it will be over by graduation, but I have a feeling it will never end. My heart races every time the BM texts or calls, and I'm quite sure that feeling will never go away until she draws her last breath. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. Nothing is private, every move I make is relayed back to the BM to use against me later. It's such a trapped feeling knowing that your every move is being watched and "recorded" for later use.
DH wants her out of the house also because of the tension she causes. We just want to live out lives w/o interference. Is that too much to ask?
Oh I know, doesn't it drive
Oh I know, doesn't it drive you nuts when the DH seems to be afraid of her? I HATE it when my husband starts wimping out like that. It's completely unreal to me that he does this. If that was my Biokid I would NEVER be afraid of them. Of course, I would have taught them respect from day 1 or their little butt would have been sore.
I also have a bad feeling that even after mine moves out the hell won't end either. She will want to leave, but expect us to pick up the bill. I will only give so much, and then let her butt starve (better yet, go back to her mom). We also want to live without interference. I just keep hoping for the best.......
Good luck to you.
she's under 18....should she
she's under 18....should she REALLY have the choice of a counselor or not?
She will go if we physically
She will go if we physically drag her, but she won't talk or listen. She just shuts down.
Well hopefully she does move
Well hopefully she does move out after high school and your DH doesn't let her live there any longer. But I would be worried if he will want her to continue living there because of her disorder. This sucks llorraine23!
Yeah, I am not a manipulative
Yeah, I am not a manipulative person but I have a sneaking suspicion I am going to start to learn. I don't know how yet, but I need to find a way to get my husband fed up with her. THEN she will have no choice. Thanks for sympathizing, wow this site is SO great! I finally feel like I'm not alone!