Acting out
SD14 is at it again.
I know I've said I have a good relationship with her, but I'm plenty pissed right now.
SD14 has been told she is not to talk to a particular boy. When she gets in trouble, she gets "grounded" (BM grounding - computer taken away, but going to the mall or friends houses, okay!) and I quit hearing from her. She does not have my phone number because BM is a whackjob, and I don't want BM having any of my info. Sunday night, I idly tell DH I hadn't heard from her for a few days, wonder if she got in trouble again?
DING, DING, DING!!!
This is four times this year. All over the same boy. I was geared up to give her hell when I see her next week.
DH called last night. He got a call from BM during his college final. (WHY did he answer the phone?) BM caught SD14 "cutting." From the description, it's barely-broke-the-skin scratches. I would bet I've gotten worse from cats. BM thinks SD14 is acting out because she's grounded. As much as I hate to agree with that bitch, I think so too.
So now what? Read her the riot act? Give her the cold shoulder? Get concerned? I'm not, really. I cut a few times as a drama-filled teenager, and I think it's strictly for the drama/attention. BM made SD14 stay in the same room with her - sleeping, bathroom, you name it - and dragged her to the therapist/psych today. Who knows how doped up she'll be next week.
Gaaaah! As much as I think DH and I would be better for her, I don't want this mess in my house.
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Comments
aw im sorry I dont really
aw im sorry I dont really know what to say
except I feel that way too, where i think dh and I would be better for my sd, but then I dont want the mess she is either!
I think BM is on the right
I think BM is on the right track by keeping a constant eye on her while at home. But what I don't get is the grounding from the computer but still being allowed to go out with friends and the mall......
When SD15 gets grounded she can't do anything. My SO just got through telling her that he is going to send her to boot-camp if she doesn't straighten out. She is not a bad kid but lately she has picked up this "I'm Ms. Independent" attitude and you can't tell me what I can and can't do without me first putting up a fight.
I can't stand teenagers. Dealing with SD15 and SS13 full time is not fun!
Ah see, that's BM "logic".
Ah see, that's BM "logic". Take *things* away, but you HAVE to be popular! Oh and have a boyfriend, just not that one.
She has severe self esteem
She has severe self esteem issues. DH, I love the man, and he works *hard* at staying in shape, but he was a chubby kid and will put on weight in a heartbeat. BM is literally twice my weight, but tall - SD14 didn't get her height, but has always been overweight. At 12, she weighed 190 lbs. Now, she's 170, at 5"3". It doesn't help that BM's family lives on fast food and kiddie-friendly krap geared toward the favored boy child (just turned 7).
Emotionally, SD14 is a people-pleaser through necessity. BM won't allow anybody to contradict her in any way, and has trained SD14 to "say the right thing" to stay out of trouble. This really shows in the difference between the way she talks to to people. She tells me, (about this boy everybody hates) "He's such a loser! He's got a new girlfriend every week, and he says he's engaged (comment: at 14??) to a girl who goes to another school! I'm going to stay away from him!" yet just got caught texting him, "Oh J, of course I love you."
This self-suppression to make absolutely everybody happy worries me more than the cutting, to be honest. I've said it before, and I'll say it again; BM is setting her up to be a perfect victim to an abuser.
Cutting, well, we're going to have a talk about WHY people do it, and better ways to get the desired result of lifting the blues/distracting yourself. (exercise, more sleep, etc) She already stress-eats.
The school knows - again, I think it was for the attention, as she confessed to a teacher. If she were serious about self-harm, she would have been determined to hide it.