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chosing battles

thisisme's picture

Submitted by thisisme on Fri, 11/19/2010 - 2:44pm

Hi all,
so my dilema is surrounding money... my sd is 11. Anyway, the other day we were sitting at dinner when bm called and said she was dropping by to drop of a birthday gift for one of sd's friends... When I got around to looking at it, I saw the price tag of $53.99 and I flipped... I mean especially right now - preparing for christmas and all - I am very aware of money and have been thinking a lot about how much is too much to spend - and here is bm buying a present that expensive for a friend (that by the way didn't even have a party)... Now of course my frustration doesn't end there - the fact that when DH called bm to discuss, he of course couldn't stand his ground and so this gift is supposed to go to this 11 year old girl. We also asked sd how much money bm gives her, because she has been spending a lot of money on toys and stuff lately. She says her mom gives her 4 bucks for washing dishes, 6 to walk the dog, 4 to do laundry, etc... so A LOT!!! There does not seem to be a maximum on how much she can do for money either...

My dilema is: How are we supposed to teach sd about the value of a dollar, when bm spends it and gives it out like it grows on trees???
I don't think it is within our rights to tell the bm how much she can give sd, but at the same time - that gift alone is outrages imo and I'm almost embarrased to give it to the friend...

Should I just try to let it go - just like all the other things that I try to ignore??????

Comments

aggravated1's picture

Submitted by aggravated1 on Fri, 11/19/2010 - 3:07pm

Honestly? it's not your money, and not your place to say anything.

You can just do your best to teach her your values while in your house, and her mom is entitled to doing the same. You are going to drive yourself crazy if you worry about this stuff, you will never survive the teenage years. You need to try to let this one go, and I am saying that nicely. You can't control that kind of thing.

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Fri, 11/19/2010 - 3:08pm

Please don't set yourself up for this!

Teach SD the value of money in YOUR house and let BM do what she does in HER house.

young_step_mom's picture

Submitted by young_step_mom on Fri, 11/19/2010 - 6:38pm

"Not being harsh, just honestly wondering if you have any boundaries and self control, or if your blood pressure and your marriage are both hitting the roof."

People come here to vent and they don't need rude responses. Where do you get off saying that her marriage is "hitting the roof"?? She was expressing a concern about teaching her skids values and what is appropriate with respect to money. You may not agree that this is a pressing issue but you have no right making a comment about her marriage when you know nothing about it!

BTW, laying down a disclaimer ("not being harsh") does not excuse rudeness! That's like saying, "don't take it personally, but you SUCK!"