I made decisions not the have bio kids before I got married - I have two skids - SS 20 and SD 25. I do not regret my decision one bit - been threw alot and glad kids on moving on and I can focus on me and my DH. Tired of making sacrifices.

Good question. One I have often pondered myself. I think between work and the three skids, I'd be too exhausted to have a kid of my own. I just don't have the enthusiasm about it that I think you probably should.

I'm looking forward to seeing what responses you get.

For me I want to experience the bio relationship along with the step. I think that I have a motherly nature that I want to truly fulfill beyond being a step mom

I dont think there is an answer, you just know in yourself if you want kids of your own or not. I once heard someone say that if you are thinking of whether or not to have children then you actually do want them. I believe this is true. Because you would not even consider it at all if you didnt want any.

I dont believe anyone truly is "ready" to have a child of there own until it happens, even if you are trying for one there is still a bit of shock factor when you get a Positive test. But when you do have one you never ever regret it, you could not imagine being without them. The only thing you will regret is not having one.

Personally if you enjoy your skids you are already a head of the game. I personally think kids are wayyy over rated once you get past the "cute baby coutchie cou stage" you are a professional that also have an artistic outlet..i say enjoy your life without the extra financial burden. Most parents would probably never admit to this but WISH they could have one week on and one week off!!!

Whateva

I could of wrote that about a year ago. I'm successful, have a comfortable life, great friends and hobbies that take up a portion of my time. I have been with my SO for 2 years and have SS9 and SS13. The only relationship I have with skids is being their maid. i never wanted kids. I was too selfish. I didn't have the natural instinct to take care of skids, and I still don't. I unexpectedly got pregnant and it changed everything for me. My son was born 15 weeks early. He spent almost 4 months in the hospital and it changed every part of me. I couldn't imagine my life without the little guy. All those things I felt obligated to feel with the skids, come naturally with my own son. That's my story but only you will know what's right for you.

The only advice that I have to give is that with friends of mine I have had the opportunity to watch a few of them make the same choices that you are dealing with. One had the feeling that the decision is to be made between her and her husband and the stepkids are not really involved in the day to day in's and outs within the family. The kids when over have stated that they feel more at home at my house than they do there own because each parent has so many boundaries about who is in charge, who can do what, etc.

The other family has always attempted to include the children in the decision making progress and even with the "adult" choices such as having another child they have always been able to "help" make the kids feel like it was some how part of their ideas. They are very close and have not had to deal with any of the issues that you hear about when it comes to having a new baby join the family.

We have 6 children between us and we had made the decision to not have any other children. We have though always attempted to make all of the kids feel included. Each parent in the house is considered just that a parent. The kids are not made to feel out of place. They did not ask for this to happen in their lives, we the adults have done this to them so we do need to try to make it a little less difficult than it already is.

It's an interesting dilemma.

One thing to consider: with luck, the majority of the time you'd be relating to bio-kids would be as adult to adult. While you're slogging through the baby & toddler years with them, it feels like it'll last forever, but then you blink your eyes and they're grown and gone. When you get older, it's awfully nice to have these cool grownup family members that are part of your world, even if long-distance.

For my part, I found that raising my own two kids, fulltime, was WAY easier than helping out a bit with a part-time step-kid. For me, the deep bond I felt to my kids just made even the exhausting days manageable, because at least my whole heart was clearly engaged.

And, now that all the kids have moved out into their own lives, the resulting marital peace and simplicity is indeed delicious. But I'm glad for all the work of mothering that I did. (I could have lived without the step-mothering, but oh well.)

But I'm so glad that women have the choice, now, to ask the questions you're asking!

I've never had any desire to have bios. Small children make me very uncomfortable. I got a really late start on my career, and don't want to interrupt it. I also have a really big need for down time - I can have that with DH and the pups, but a child would just suck up ALL MY TIME, and I'm afraid I wouldn't handle it well.

I told DH before we even met (Yahoo Personals Chat) that I didn't want bios. I convinced DH to get The Big Snip a couple years ago, (I didn't want hormonal BC anymore as a mid-30s smoker and the IUD and I didn't get along) and haven't regretted it.

I may be missing out - but I can't figure out on what. Unconditional love? I get that from DH and the dogs. Cleaning up messes? Dogs again. Being proud of someone? I have DH to be proud of, and boy, does he make me proud. Raising someone to be a productive member of society? If I can ever get SD14's mind off boys, I'll have a bigger influence than BM, guaranteed. I AM missing out on the heart-stopping worry about a child's future. Life isn't going to get any easier for today's kids. I am also missing out on sleepless nights, "Mom, Mom, Moooooooom!!!" and the hectic pace of running multiple people's schedules. Will I end up alone? Sure, but I'm a loner anyway.

Don't let anyone tell you what you have to, need to do. As long as you're satisfied with your choice, that's what's right for you.