Deadbeat Moms
I am concerned about all the posts I see about BMs who won't comply with residential custody/visitation orders. I was told by the police department that every time a court order is disobeyed, the police should be called. That is in Illinois. What concerns me equally, is the bias in favor of the BM, even when she is not the better/fitter parent. While all is not perfect for women, yet, in the US, barriers to education and employment have been removed. I do not see a reason for a mother to stay home indefinitely because she is a "stay at home mom," unless her financial situation allows that. In our case, the BM quit school that FDH paid for, and has refused to work even though he has been on unemployment for two years. My SO, her FDH, paid for her college which she quit when nearing completion. If he gives her a job application or job posting, she yells at him. The mediator told her to get a job and the lawyer said he can file a motion for her to look for work and keep a job log. There is no reason for her to stay home as the two teens go to school on a bus and eat breakfast and lunch at school. The grandmother resides with her and can be a babysitter for the smaller child, as can, THE FATHER. So, why are thses women allowed to stay home and not contribute to the financial stability of the children who they did, indeed, help bring into the world? In our case, I don't stay quiet when talking to the professionals. I paint the picture as it is. She paints a picture of a poor, abandoned woman with children. Thoughts on this seemingly common problem?
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Comments
Police in Illinois will write
Police in Illinois will write reports, we have a stack of them, but basically you can use them for toliet paper. It all revolves around the money issue. You have to retain a Lawyer, go to court etc. sucks for Fathers
Yes, Please someone enlighten
Yes, Please someone enlighten us. I took 6 mos off when my daughter was born. That's it! Now she's 24 years old. Do I like my job? No. Do I think my job is great? No. But I need the money & benefits so here I am. And I'll be here next week too for the same reason. So my benefits go towards her twins, and she gets child support but never takes them or pays for any of their expenses and they all think she's W-O-N-D-E-R-F-U-L and feel sorry for her whenever she reaches out for more money/less responsibility. Huh?
Police Reports are great is
Police Reports are great is you can get the police to even respond - That was our problem - -DH was basically told "oh well -nothing we can do for you".
SusiQ if you have written
SusiQ if you have written orders they should write reports for you. If they won't demand a Sergant on duty.
They wouldn't and we did.
They wouldn't and we did. Nothing - small town politics. They claimed they didn't have to enforce the orders because they were from a different county.
This burns my butt also. BM
This burns my butt also.
BM lost custody of her kids in May. In August judge told her that she had 6 months to find a place to live and get her act together. She is waiting on HUD and disability b/c she is too lazy to work and support her kids.....so I end up providing 75% of their support b/c BF doesn't make enough to support 3 kids on his own.
I don't know what they'll do in 4 months....I can't ruin myself for kids they brought into the world, I have my own to take care of.
The BM in my case is
The BM in my case is constantly interfering with DHs visitation and weekends. In their Parenting Plan it clearly states to not interfere and or schedule events, activities etc etc during the other parents time. BM continues to enroll SD in ballet, tap, jazz class, soccer every weekend (and every tuesday and thursday during his time, coincedence?) baseball, tennis and swimming. DH has told her numerous times to stop. She refuses and plays the "It's in the best interest of SD" Anyway...BM will take SD and run-literally- DH calls the police each time and they tell him "we CAN'T make her give you your daughter, we can only ask" In WA. State police hate to get involved in "Civil cases". DH has a pile of police reports, voice recordings etc etc...All is documented. This may ( but I doubt it) come in handy during his custody modification hearing. Judges in WA. are bias.
I think most judges are "old fashioned" they still believe that children should live with their mother, the men are to be the providers. I disagree. BM is almost 33 years old. SD is 8 her other two are 12 and 10. All children are in school, full time during the day, I see no reason why she can't/ refuses to work and better herself and the lives of her children. I guess when you have parents who coddle you and wipe your ass at her age, you don't need to work. :?
Virginia police won't touch
Virginia police won't touch it. They give the standard recommendation to take it to court. In our situation, DH's court date was set for 9 months after he filed. BM's lawyer continued it from that date, and of course waited till the last minute to do so in order to get a later date. It was continued to a date 2 months later. DH didn't file as soon as BM stopped letting him see his kids. He gave it 3 months because the kids were sick, they had really great plans that fell on his weekend & he didn't want to make them miss out, they had friends spending the night at BM's...blah, blah, blah. So, 3 months passed, we had to wait 9 months, & then another 2 months. By the time DH got to go before the judge, he'd missed over a year of visitation. BM's lawyer then argued that the kids didn't have a good relationship with their father. They were uncomfortable spending time with him without BM because they were unfamiliar with him. I blame BM for making it reach the point of having to turn to the system, & I blame the system for failing to serve "in the best interest of the children". They have the power to MAKE BM comply & they just chose not to. Rather, they opted to strip DH of any rights to be a father to his children, yet still require him to support them.
BM doesn't work because she doesn't want to. DH paid for her to go through cosmetology school while they were married, but she couldn't get her ass out of bed to take her final. Therefore, she just never finished. She gets assistance from the state & is required to make no effort to even TRY to find a job.
The courts ought to just save people everyone's time & money & simply post a sign on the door that states, "Deadbeat parent = best interest of the syste...I mean children".
Yep my bm refuses to get a
Yep my bm refuses to get a job too but then whines about having no money. She also seems to think she can tell us how to spend our money too. I have a feeling that the reason bm hasn't tried to get more money is b/c she knows that the judge will make her get a job. Her sister works for a very well known lawyer and I bet she told her just that. Bm calls all the time for more money but dh refuses to give it to her. He tells her that is what cs is for. And she would have money if she got a job!
i worked my entire life. I never thought not to, I have 2 kids and was single for 10 years of their lives. I never thought I needed someone else to pay for anything for us. These bm's seem to think that the world owes them just for having kids! The fathers are jsut sperm donors to them, someone with no feeling and should be a robot and do whatever they say when they say! :sick: