College Tuition
I guess I still don't understand..... My child support agreement was filed in Dupage County, Illinois. The agreement does mention child support till the age of 18 and that both parent pay for her college tuition. My daughter is now in college and he wont pay a dime for her college. Do I have take him back to court? Please help.....
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It clearly shows that he must
It clearly shows that he must help pay her college tuition. Is it possible to have all of my court fees paid by the father due to him not following the court order.
ok, I believe that we as
ok, I believe that we as parents should not be required by CO or other to pay for a childs education. After all, I can from a nuclear family and my parents paid for nothing, I paid for my braces at age 21 and I paid for my college education at age 23 and I am happy I did.
My parents and I have a great relationship. I am again not for a divorced family, but I believe regardless why are we held responsible for our childrens education after they are adults?
My daughter has paid for her education, by ultilizing grants, loans and other programs, she graduated this year with Honors!
Anyway, I don't believe as parents we should be held responsbile...however if he agreed to it in the CO he should be held accountable for it. But then again we always have the best intentions in mind when signing those and then life changes.
College IS an investment -
College IS an investment - but I also believe that children should have a little more responsibility than just showing up and passing. Because not all children who go to college treat it like an investment. They treat it like they are owed something and then they don't use their degrees when they graduate.
BMP91 - If I were you, I would sit down with DH and propose to him what we proposed to SD here. That is DH pays 1/3, you as BM pay 1/3 and the child getting the education pays 1/3. That way, the child doesn't come out with an enormous amount of college debt, and each parent can contribute. Do you think that's fair? And can you afford that?
It also might be that dad
It also might be that dad does not agree with where the daughter is going, so feels that he should not have to pay for it. I can tell you that DH and I have a set amount we are willing to spend, so NYU at $60,000 is NOT on our agenda. If SD wants to go there, she will be paying more than half.
That could be part of the issue.
I would try talking to him one more time - with daughter - before going through court. And then, court is the trump card!
SMofknowitall - I'm not
SMofknowitall - I'm not trying to debate, I am just saying that I am wondering WHY he won't pay. Does he not feel that he has to? Does he not feel obligated? Or, does he not like what the kid is going for? For example, SD's cousin over here wants to go to school for cosmetology and her mom (BM's sister) is refusing to pay for it. That mom wants her to go to college.. not cosmetology school. I'm just puting it out there.
Zenjetset and deliciairene, I
Zenjetset and deliciairene, I agree with you both 100%.
Since when should ANY parent (divorced or not) be REQUIRED to pay for their ADULT CHILD'S post-secondary education?!?! What is this country coming to?? Seems to me that we are increasingly starting to breed more and more of "Generation E" (the "E" standing for Entitlement).
I myself did not come from a divorced family. HOWEVER, with that said, my family was just your basic middle-class family - both parents worked full-time and COULD NOT AFFORD TO PAY FOR OUR COLLEGE EDUCATION. There were 8 kids in our family.
I already knew that I had to pay my own way once I graduated high school...SO I DID!!! News flash: it definitely IS possible to pay for your OWN education!!
Not to pat myself on the back for doing so, but I am SO PROUD of ALL of MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS - because I EARNED THEM:
1. 4 years of college, including dorm, books, etc... - CHECK that box, PAID FOR MYSELF
2. 3 years of law school, bar exam, etc... - CHECK that box, PAID FOR MYSELF
3. Bought a house - CHECK, PAID FOR MYSELF
4. Bought a new car (actually 2 of them over the years) - CHECK, PAID FOR MYSELF
Of course, I've been working hard since I was a young girl, and with the help of hard work, studying my butt off, earning SOME scholarships, student loans, always paid my bills on time (HENCE GOOD CREDIT), my own mortgage, car loans, etc...IT CAN BE DONE PEOPLE!!!
Let's face it, most people appreciate something MORE when they have to EARN IT THEMSELVES (as opposed to merely holding their hand out). I can tell you first-hand how many students I watched (with disgust) in my college days totally blowing off going to class, partying day & night, taking exams, failing exams, failing semesters, etc... because Mommy & Daddy were footing the bill, so they had NO CLUE how they were just throwing their parents' hard-earned $$$$ right out the window.
Of course, if both parents can AFFORD to HELP pay for their child's education, I think that's great. However, it should not be EXPECTED - IMHO, of course!
(Milomom stepping off her soapbox now...)
LaurenW, good call! So true
LaurenW, good call! So true - if she wants to be treated like an ADULT and be mature, she (daughter) can simply go to her dad herself and ask for his help directly.
Also, we really don't have enough info. about how exactly this situation is being handled...perhaps the father is just sick of dealing with BM and is happy to be done with her, but wouldn't have a problem discussing a resolution with his daughter directly.
Sorry, but when I hear someone whining about something that isn't fair or that they're entitled to - "but the CO says HE HAAAS TO PAY FOR ______ (insert sports, dance, extracurriculars, braces, college, etc...), I must admit I giggle a little (and vomit a lot). Wake up!!! Life isn't fair!!
Maybe you can turn this into a positive experience for your daughter and teach her some PROBLEM SOLVING techniques for her future!! Not everyone is going to live up to your expectations, what they've promised, what you've come to EXPECT from them. So how should she handle this as an ADULT??? Should she:
(b) sit with her father face-to-face, tell him what research she has done for different colleges, different scholarship programs, different ways where SHE can ALSO CONTRIBUTE to her college education and let him know that she WILL be taking her grades & college seriously
Just a suggestion...
You know ladies - that is
You know ladies - that is true. DH and I have decided what we are paying toward SD's college, and it will be up to SD and BM to figure out the rest. We are going to let BM tell SD her reasons and let it be between them. That is a great point.
Stick, I think that's a great
Stick, I think that's a great way to go. Also, I applaud you & your DH for contributing ANYTHING you can toward's SD's college. Times are tough right now, so I truly hope your SD is very APPRECIATIVE of whatever you & DH can pay for to help her.
I know that some kids EXPECT
I know that some kids EXPECT college to be paid for. And I have to tell you that more and more educators are planting that idea in children's heads.
But the reality today is that more than likely your child will need a college education to get a better job. That is the reality today. It's not like how it was when we grew up. I never went to college. Neither did DH. We have fantastic jobs that we love, and we make very good money. Those kinds of jobs are harder and harder to get and few and far between.
So, NO - we don't owe our kids an education. But if we can HELP that would be nice. That's the position I try to take on it. It's not a given, and we will do as much as we can.
Do you know that recently, SD here had a teacher ask SD what the divorce decree said about paying for her college??? It was like What???? And this is a teacher that SD really likes!
Stick, wow, just wow. I'm
Stick, wow, just wow. I'm speechless (and that's a difficult thing to accomplish - lol).
Maybe the "lawyer" in me is coming out a little when I say this...but isn't it ILLEGAL for a teacher to discuss a child's parents' PRIVATE divorce information with ANYONE, nevermind the CHILD INVOLVED??? I would think that your SD's teacher is crossing a line that is WELL outside of her authority, no?
It was a shocker when SD came
It was a shocker when SD came home and told me. I was talking to the teacher about college and telling her that we were telling SD that we would all pay as much as we could, and were figuring it out. And kind of letting her know that so she would be on the same page as us when discussing colleges with SD.
In the end, I sent her the wording from the decree which basically states that BM and DH will pay toward SD's college what they can afford and that SD will be responsible for the rest. Which is what we had been telling her all along.
When DH, BM and I had the meeting with SD's therapist, I brought it up and BM was pissed! She was pissed at the teacher and she was pissed at me for corresponding with the teacher about SD's college. As far as I was concerned - BM was telling SD that I would help pay for her college, so I have a right to talk about it. In any event, SD's therapist said that whether it is improper or not, she asked SD the question and we needed to all figure out what our responsibilities were going to be. BM had been giving vague answers to SD about "helping", so SD's therapist told BM she needs to start thinking more concretely of what she is willing to do.
I am not sure it is illegal, nor do I think I broke the law by sending the wording to her. I just think that she asked a thoughtless question and needed to be corrected. The reason I am so involved is because from what I understand, SD's FAFSA income is based on DH and my income, not BM's, since SD lives here. So I want to be sure that we are all on the same page when it comes to telling SD to pick a college carefully, and not just think she can go wherever without regard to costs.
And thanks MiloMom - but as
And thanks MiloMom - but as you can see... I am messing up too on this. It has all gotten me so angry that I am just lost lately.