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I don't want to hurt his feelings

secondplace's picture

Submitted by secondplace on Mon, 09/20/2010 - 3:28pm

Yesterday, instead of visiting with my FMIL at my house, I was downstairs at the computer, helping FSD10 print out some pictures for a project. FDH has no idea how to do this, so I got to do it. I don't mind as I am fairly computer literate.

Anyways, she had me print out a picture of a her mom first, then a WII game. Then she asked me to print out pictures of her mom's boyfriend, then her sister, then her cat. I asked her what the project was about. She said it was all about her - her life, what she does etc. I asked her - aren't you going to print out a picture of your dad? She thought about it for a second, and said "no, I don't think so". Then she said, "oh, I guess I can print one out of you and daddy". I was to say the least upset that she would print out a picture of Mommy's live-in boyfriend, but not one of her own dad. Her and her dad have a great relationship, so I'm having trouble understanding this. Is it because they only see each other EOWE and Wednesdays?

Should I say something to FDH? I don't want to hurt his feelings.

Comments

overit2's picture

Submitted by overit2 on Mon, 09/20/2010 - 4:28pm

I agree....I don't know that I would take it too personally-on the outside it seems sad...but the first thought that crossed through my head when reading that was "she's compartmentalizing".

Which is ok...it's a survival thing-it's something that kids with divorced parents are going to do. I think that's how they cope.

Stick's picture

Submitted by Stick on Mon, 09/20/2010 - 4:59pm

Secondplace - First off - I don't think I would tell DH. I do think it would hurt him, and what would be the point of it? What would be the goal of telling him - to get him to do ... what???

Recently, SD over here had to do a "my life" poster - and she is a Senior in High School! She had pictures of DH and I at our wedding, our 2 year old niece, her cousin on BM's side, and then other things about her - music, books, south park characters, etc.

I did the same thing, but about her mom. I asked her if she was going to include the picture of her mom on there. She had said no - but for a different reason. She does not get along with BM and felt that if she included her, she would have to go into the whole story of her and BM's relationship. And she's a senior in high school!

For a long time, SD went through the insecurity of having a blended family - when she lived with us 50% of the time, and when she came to live with us full time. Your SD is probably just trying to work things out in her head, and didn't mean disrespect. I don't think that she doesn't love her dad, nor meant any slight. I think she just didn't want to get into the whole explanation of things. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING by bringing it to her attention. Because as uncomfortable as SD may be with it, it is important for her to also understand and realize that these situations are not unique, and that IT IS OKAY to acknowledge both sides of the family. You did great! SD will get it, and be more okay with it, as she grows up and sees more kids in her class in the same situation.

Yay to you!!