how do i approach this matter

my dh thinks that although his new found daughter is so many miles away and visits will be few and far between that i am responsible for the type of relatonship we have...any thoughs anyone? when she visited earlier in the summer we din not bond @ all...however when her father was in the room she be all up in his space and face...when he was @ work she"d basically jus sleep the day away...we visited the beach several times and whenever he was close to me she'd pull away but as soon as i would start doing my own thing shed be back in his space and face....should i make any attempts to communicate with her on my own?

one more thing after her visit i fb messaged her that she had left some things @ our house and coud dhe send me her mailing address so that i could send them to her...took about @ week for her response which was "my mothers mailing address is po box etc..." im i being immature by reading into this response....

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I don't see how the

I don't see how the responsibility falls only on you. You can only go as fast as she will let you.

i completely agree with

i completely agree with you...if she reaches out i will be there since she not i wont. his opinion is that she is 14 and i should be the adult in the relationship...

by being more open and

by being more open and reaching out to her more....this 14yr old wedding present was not something i even wanted for my future...and im doing the best i can to cope...bare minimum if she want a realationhip with me i am open to it im not an ogre but she has to make the first step...

Listen 14 is a tough age. Add

Listen 14 is a tough age. Add in the fact tht she is just meeting her father and you all at once, it's going to be hard on everyone. You are not responsible for anything. You can try to form a relationship but it's going to take time- a lot of it. Has she always known about her dad or is she just finding out too? How weird that she attached to her dad (a complete stranger, though) that quickly. I wouldn't read into her response either. She's 14 and is going to have attitude. She didn't expect you to be in the picture just like you never expected her to be in the picture. Curious, how long ago did all this happen?

Well to be completely honest

Well to be completely honest she found out about both of us @ da same time...BM has another child that is 2 years younger was @ one time married to him and that who the 14 yr old thought was her father until her younger sister informed that he was not @ age 6...when she asked her mom it was confirmed!
I agree that its is weird to witness the attachment but she may be attention starved...hmmmm as we speak BM currently plannin wedding with BF of roughly 3months...kids are calling him poppa J......oh lawd..the careless wanton decisions some make in their youth...

this all unfolded April of

this all unfolded April of this year

Not really showering with

Not really showering with gifts or things of that nature he's doing the best he can with open communication...which has been dwindling on her part gradually since her week stay with us. Its a sucky situation for the both of them...I often wonder why wait 14 years to track BD down after such a long time when there was pretend daddy all that time...poor girl I feel just awful for her...when she visited during our limited convo...she indicated oh its so quiet here where I live its in the ghetto and we hear gunshots all the time....i feel sad for her s times

Ooh...be careful! Have you

Ooh...be careful! Have you seen where she lives and I it really 'ghetto'? Tobme it sounds like someone's fishin'. I've known dads who never knew they had a kid til kid was like 16 or even 18 and got stuck paying all those years in back child support on a kid they never knew about! Is he paying cs? Anyway, May not be anythin. But just be careful.

Ooh...be careful! Have you

im hopeful that he would not

im hopeful that he would not get served cs papers and as soon as he found out he started sending support on his own even though BM claims nonthing was needed, that SD14 just wanted to kno who he was...moving to savannah GA is totally out of the ? as DH is in the Navy and we are stationed in Va beach for the next 4 years...

Idk what the bm is like here,

Idk what the bm is like here, but keep records of everything dh pays her for cs now. If she really has no bad motive then ok. But if you have no record of what you've paid and she DOES start asking for child support then she can always say you haven't paid anything. My dh never married bm (they got pg after high school graduation). Anyway, he got a real job and supported bm and kid for 2 years before they broke up. He was the only one working, paid rent & bills, medical expenses and everythig for baby. When they went to court (he was young and naive) he didn't have an attorney & STILL had to pay back cs for those 2 years!! Also, if she is a greedy bm then it won't matter what her daughter says, she might still want to get her 14 years of backpay. Like I said, this may not even apply to you, but I just want you to be careful. As for the girl, remember what t was like when you were 14...how would you want to be treated in this situation.

that is a great suggestion

that is a great suggestion will tackle that as soon as i get home today! thanks!

update so i decided to

***update***

so i decided to contact SD14 to ask hoe the rest of her summer was and whether she was excited to begoing to high school in september. I got a response 2 weeks later it read Hi Karina!!! whatdo i make of this frankly i have tried and im truly done...granted she is 14 however one knows when they are being rude or not...im totally done trying and i am truly fed up of the crazy situation i am @ my wits end! any advice will be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

I wouldnt think he would have

I wouldnt think he would have to pay back support-there was no child support order after all-but who knows anymore? I think you should be polite and friendly to her. At leasts she answers you back. No way are you guys going to be an instant family. I am curious is dad talking to her-leaving her messages, etc. I dont think you should give up-many of us have put in years of trying to establish a relationship with our kids-you are still in the baby stage!

thanks! i swear if i dont

thanks! i swear if i dont realx im gonnagive myself ulcers and i really am trying to just relax!

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how do i approach this matter

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