It seems a reasonable request

that if the stepkids are contagious that they stay home with BM. Or if your children are sick and contagious the stepkids stay home with BM. I would talk to your DH about it. I don't know what your BM's situation is - stay at home, single working mom or does she have partner that can help out?

DH and ( didn't have kids of our own and BM was a nurse - she understood that if DH and I were sick and contagious - SD stayed with her.

I’m on the fence on this one.

As a BM…If my kid was really sick I would NOT want to send him away for the weekend. Now if it was an every other week custody, that may be different. But no kid that is sick, wants to get up and go to the NCP’s house. They want to stay in the bed they are most used to. And me, as a BM wants to take care of my kid.

As a SM…I would not want a sick kid sent to my house to make everyone else sick.

As a NC Parent…(I am just guessing on this). I would want to take care of my sick kid as a parent.

No help…sorry.

I disagree Blended.

If the kids have a cold, sore throat, upset stomach and no fever - I would have them come over. But if they have the flu or measles or something contagious I would think it's better to keep them at home with BM. The question is can BM stay home with them? If she works - it's difficult. My DH and I had a good agreement with our BM - she didn't want us making her daughter sick and she didn't want to expose us to her daughter's flu bug. I think that txcajun's concern is justified.

she didn't want us making her daughter sick and she didn't want to expose us to her daughter's flu bug. I think that txcajun's concern is justified.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I agree with that.

If dd3 was sceduled for surgery any and all sick people should be kept away from her regardless of relations. What the OP is asking is not out of line by any stretch.

No, I wouldn't ship the bio off Blended

We are not talking bio's - we are talking stepkids that go between households. I think that txcajun is bringing up a reasonable concern. Maybe she can work this out with BM - my DH and I did. And as Willow mentions the sick kid doesn't want to go back and forth between homes. My SD preferred staying with her BM - BM was a nurse and I have to admit she did a better job of taking care of SD when she was ill than DH and I did.

I come from a family of 4 kids and of course my mother did not ship us off when we were sick. Although, I think at times she wished that she could. We would come down with the measles, mumps, flu whatever one by one. She must've been exhausted.

Both these are different circumstances and there are new solutions.

Ok... I gotta jump in on this one... My opinion??... (Nothing to do with which parent has custody, but all about where the child LIVES most of the time...)

The CP should keep a sick child at home, with them, where they are comfortable... and the NCP should understand that keeping a sick child home is NOT denying visitation.

Does a sick kid really want to be shuffled from house to house? I'm not talking about colds, or whatever... I'm talking really sick. The kid should be resting and staying in bed and getting better.

One parent shipping a sick child off to another parent without concern for the child isn't thinking in best interest of the kid.

Likewise, it is not a sin to ask for ANYONE and EVERYONE including skids to stay away from someone - especially a baby - that has to have surgery.

I really feel like this is one of those times when adults play the "my card" game and it becomes more about who does what / who gets what, rather than best interests of ALL THE CHILDREN involved.

And in case anyone isn't clear where I stand... - Txcajunmom had every right to want sick skids away from her baby. BM should have been more considerate toward another woman's child.

Yes, they are his BIO's

And they are the BM's Bio's.

The issue for me is what's best for the extended family and for the kids. Again, I would have the kids come over if they are not contagious but if they are - again, I think it's reasonable for them to stay with custodial parent.

We had this agreement with our BM - maybe Txcajun can do the same.

Stick and Buttercookie

You said it better than me.

Agree.

And thanks.

I'm doing okay Stick.

Thanks for asking. SD is living on her own (kinda), she and BF broke up - my DH was so upset about that - BF was a great guy. SD is still going to college -it's a nursing degree this time. DH thinks it's great and co-signed a loan for her. Holidays are still tense but I continue to try to take the high road.

Oh the joys of stepparenting! }:)

You?

Oh I totally agree but in our situation we have to take him (SS7) however we can get him. He lives several states away and only gets to visit during Spring Break, Summer, and Christmas so we have no choice. The past 2 visits he has been infested with pinworms and for those of you who don't know what those are...they are little worms that actually crawl out of his butt! Oh what fun!!! I have to disinfect our entire house and keep him as far away as possible from my daughter so she doesn't get them.

He has arrived with the flu, stomach virus, throw up on his clothes fropm vomiting during the car ride with her to come meet us, etc.

Tx you need to do what is best for YOUR child's health. You H and the BM need to take their children to the doctor if they are ALWAYS sick. Constantly being sick isn't good for them or your child and it's going to stunt their education because the schools won't want them there sick either. I wouldn't turn down visitation if the children aren't contagious but I agree with you about not wanting kids who are contagious and constantly sick at your home infecting your child. You already had to reschedule a surgery due to this (nothing major I hope) Someone should have health insurance on these kids or a trip to the free clinic is in order if you have one near you.

What gets me is when BM sends the boys to my home with head lice and doesn't bother to tell DH at drop off. I do lice checks at the door now and have sent them right back to her once. They get them from her, so she needs to take care of it before she sends them over...

Well, i've been in this situation a few times.
At first, i was engaged living with my bf at the time when BM would send them over sick...and i mean , puking! #1. As a mother, i would never want to be out of sight of my sick child. Doesn't matter of time or place or situation. So i found it odd that she would send them over in that state. Then as the years past, i realized she would do this out of spite. To get back at her ex husband.
The time i put my foot down was when i was pregnant. She wanted to send both kids over and my ss had the Chickenpox...well ladies, you can lose your unborn child to something like that and i confronted my dh right away. I told him if they come over, i'm leaving and i will be gone for at least 10 days after they leave as well for my safety and my childs. He called them immediately and cancelled the pick. Bm of course was completely overgased about this and they had it out over the phone and he put her in her place.
then she would begin sending them over with lice. So i did several things, i would pluck my sd hair out along with the lice eggs and make sure she bagged all her clothes, had lice shampoo etc...then by the third time, i told my dh, if any of lice, they dont come over, i dont care.
She sent them without our knowlege the 4th time with lice one year....well, there was one weekend my son and i were puking the night before. My dh didn't know. He worked late and came home after all our puking sessions were over, i said ntohing, he picked up kids, They went back home and their entire family was sick 3 days after their visit......bm called to complain and my dh said...'now you know how it feels'
Sd would take to asking if we had the flu before she came, and i would ask her if she had lice...lol..
dont worry. Speak with your dh. and if he doesn't agree, you pick up and go to a friends house if they are sick.
oh yah, i made sure i plucked sd hair out, which was painful...and i told her i would do this to her everytime she had lice because i had no choice. Her mother would not treat the lice properly and would send her to me. Then her father said right in front of me and her once, ' well sorry angel you cna't waste your time plucking hair, we'll just shave it all off like ss. They never came to the house with lice ever again.
Is it cruel...nope. Its reality. If my son has lice, his hair gets shaven off and he is put on treatment... and will not visit houses, any house until they are gone! If my son has the flu, we cancel our visit to bday parties....
People who send their kids out sick honestly do not care about anyone, not even their kids. Its called beign selfish and vindictive.
In the end, you must put them in their place. So....tell your dh no more pick ups when either family, even you and your kids are sick. It goes both ways!

If the skid is sick they stay with bm end of story, why should the rest of us get sick?so what if its on our time and his sick.he should stay with his mother.

i agree sick skids should stay home with bm (orbd depending on who is cp)... i can't tell you how many times ffc (bm) has sent skids over sick or with head lice.... i can count maybe 2 times she kept them when they were sick.... she send them here, they stay in the room the whole except to go to to the bathroom.. breakfast, lunch & dinner in the room..... minimizes the area i have to disinfect...

aside from that, i also beleive kids in general prefer to be with their primary care giver when they are sick.... not to mention nobody young or old wants to be drug around in the car when their sick....