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Losing my MIND

tugofwar's picture

Submitted by tugofwar on Sun, 08/01/2010 - 10:51pm

My SD is driving me insane, between BM gouging my fiancé for 70% of all school expenses and SD's attitude I feel like I'm gonna lose it! SD decided last night while she was "bored" that she was going to tear all the decoration on my 5 year old daughters bike and think its not a big deal. I told her that we don't ruin her belongings so what gives her the right to ruin others?! This child is a MAJOR pain in my ass, we have her 50% of the time and a lot of that time her father is at work and I have to deal with her stupid ass. She has gone as far as calling me a bitch to my face and calls her mommy every time she is in trouble and finds some reason to go there rather than deal with the consequences of her actions, oh btw she is 14 so she knows better! (A little side note, she has already smoked cigs, smoked weed, given a blow job, had sex wit 2 boys that we know of but claims one was rape, steals does horrible in school, been suspended and told not to come back till following school year and I'm sure I am forgetting others) I have a 13 year old that doesn't seem to have a problem with following the rules most of the time, kids will be kids but this little shit has made me seriously think about packing my kids and my stuff and leaving a good relationship. I don't want to give her the gratification of making me leave since the spoiled little brat always gets what she wants but I am getting more and more miserable each day because of her and her pos mother!!! I don't want to ruin my children by leaving either as they are quite happy here and like my fiancé. What should I do? Should I just turn the other cheek and let her get away with whatever and what is that going to tell my children? I love my fiancé just wish we could eliminate his kid and her mother from our life completely and that aint gonna happen.

Comments

stepkate's picture

Submitted by stepkate on Sun, 08/01/2010 - 11:13pm

I told my BF that I wouldn't look after a child that didn't listen to me. I'm not sure if my thinking would change if we were married vs. just dating, but I only see downsides to caring for a child that doesn't respect your authority. Some of gaining a child's respect is your responsibility, but I think more of it, along with disciplining, is the responsibility of the biological parent.

The kid shouldn't be allowed to just leave whenever she feels like it and neither of her parents should be overruling you in situations like this. If your DH expects you to care for his child when he is not around, he should trust your judgment to be able to discipline her as well. If he can't find a way to stop his daughter from defaulting to BM for every little thing, he's not really trusting you with her, and so I would probably make the case that until he did, I'm not taking responsibility for a child I couldn't control.

tugofwar's picture

Submitted by tugofwar on Sun, 08/01/2010 - 11:36pm

I agree that I shouldn't be responsible for a child that does not respect or listen to me. In a way I am glad that the brat leaves cause I really can't stand her but you are right that she shouldn't be able to go crying to mommy every time she gets in trouble. DH does back me up... When hew gets home the hard part is I have to deal with her all night since he works graves. Her mother plays the part that she agrees that SD should respect all adults in charge but I have overheard conversations between SD and BM where it sounds as BM is egging SD on to argue an issue with me. Another hard part is $$ we always try to do for all the kids equally like we give them both x$ for clothing and tell them they can pick out their clothes and be smart about it and get the most they can for the amount they r given. My daughter is really good at making her dollar stretch but his kid buys whatever and even sneaks other things like bracelets and junk in then she only gets 2 pants and 3 shirts and then complains that she doesn't have any clothes. Maybe that method isn't effective. I don't like to allot them say 3 pants and 3 shirts each regardless of cost cause SD goes for the hollister and name brand stuff and we will end up spending a small fortune on her alone. I'm ready to tell DH you do for your kid and I will do for mine but then I worry that brat will get more and my kid feel like its unfair. I'm at a loss.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Mon, 08/02/2010 - 8:35am

I would seriously consider separate finances. Makes my life easier. I buy for mine and he buys for his. We split everything. As for her disrespect, don't do anything for her, until she gets that if she is mouthy, you won't do for her.

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Mon, 08/02/2010 - 9:15am

It's so sad that most children of failed relationships seem to grow up knowing that they will basically get whatever they want because of the "guilty parent" syndrome... it seems like each parent is so desperate to be the "favorite" that they lose perspective of what parent child relationships should be. I feel so sorry for my hubby sometimes in that he is literally afraid to discipline his kids or not get them whatever they want because then he might not see them for weeks when they get their nose bent and go running to mommy...and you better believe that at 11 and 12 my SKids have figured this out.. and I for one am terrified that this is only going to get worse before it ever gets better. I feel for you!

tugofwar's picture

Submitted by tugofwar on Mon, 08/02/2010 - 10:03pm

Oh believe me if I could hold her down and fill her mouth with soap and slap the mouth off of her I would, but as it is her mom has already called child protective services on us for giving her a med her doc prescribed to her, of course cps dropped it cause there was no abuse but I can only imagine if I touched the brat! As for the shopping DH and I have decided that this year just me and him are going to go purchase their clothes I have already jotted down sizes and styles that they do like and we will decide what is appropriate spending. We are going to let them pick their shoes and backpacks but with a $ limit... I sure hope this works, I know SD is gonna pitch a fit when we show up with clothes WE picked out for her but too effin bad. My 13yo daughter already knows we are going to do this and she is grateful that we are getting her new school clothes and even told me not to spend a lot on her she doesn't care about the brand. I agree that she should go live with her mom if that's where life is so great, the only downside to that is child support will go through the roof plus DH will still be responsible for 70% of all "school" expenses at BM's discretion and u know if she is only having to pay 30% of everything the spoiled little shit will get top dollar brand name stuff. Ugh so frustrating! I have been a step mom before for 6 years and NEVER EVER had to deal with shit like this!! Omg I am gonna lose it with that kid, oh wait I already have lol. She argued with me yesterday as her mother was on her way for her and I told her she can go sit outside and wait for her mother to arrive cause I wasn't going to deal with her anymore, felt good to throw her out (temporarily). Gotta tell ya'll I really appreciate your input a lot of times I feel so alone, this is a great place to get it all off my chest Smile Thank you!