Need some advice...in case it happens again this summer
I have a SD and during the summer she stays with the BM mother's mother aka Her grandmother.
My husband and I have a nice inground pool that him and the BM built before they started having trouble and split. The BM moved out and left everything...so needless to say once I married my husband I gained a inground pool.
Last summer, my sd called her dad aka my husband and asked if her BM mother aka her grandmother could bring her over to the house and swim one afternoon when we were at work. And whats weird about this is the SD has a pool at the BM house also. This has happend in the past and the BM Mothers came in the house and went through some things. This is WAY before I was in the picture.
My husband calls me and asks my opinion. I told him that I DID NOT want the BM mother at my house with me not there. We leave the door unlocked and I dont want them in the house! If the SD wants to go swimming she could call my husband mom to watch her at the house.
He did not like my answer and let them come anyway and I could tell they had been in the house!!
THis is MY house and His house! The SD has a pool at the BM house she can swim there when we are not home!!!
I have thought about just keeping the pool full of chemicals during the week so there would be no way that anyone could swim.
I just hate knowing that they will be in my house and snooping around because it has been done before....my husband doesnt know I know this soo it not like i can tell him the reason behind how I feel.
His big issue is he doesnt want to her his daughter and I understand that...but at 12 years about to be 13 years old....she needs to realize that her parents are divorced and she just needs to swim at the BM house when the grandmother is watching her!
Please give me your input? Am i being tooo Harsh????
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Not harsh at all. It's all
Not harsh at all. It's all about boundaries and grandma should respect that. Ask grandma if she would like for you to come over and watch T.V. while she is away (WTF).
Well, without getting all pissy, you could say that you do not want the assumed liability and be done with it. Your husband should agree with that.
My BM would come over and use our hot tub with the SKIDS... And she never lived here. When I told DH, the look on his face was priceless...
DEAL BREAKER ALERT*DEAL
DEAL BREAKER ALERT*DEAL BREAKER ALERT*DEAL BREAKER ALERT*DEAL BREAKER ALERT
"He did not like my answer and let them come anyway and I could tell they had been in the house"
That would have been DONE for me. Nobody is going to come to my house without DH and I there and after I say I don't want that person there...
HELL TO THE NO!!! :jawdrop: Lock the doors during the summer, in case that happens, let them go, and find the door locked.
Oh, and he doesn't want to hurt his daughter and you understand? WHOA? what do you understand? I don't understand what you understand, I mean, really?
This is a perfect example of putting your child first...
Why did he bother asking your
Why did he bother asking your opinion when he had no intention of taking it in consideration. *eye roll*
I wouldn't want them there either, if something were to happen, poor ol' granny slips, guess who's homeowners is getting sued..yours! Not to mention, it's just plain inappropriate!
Talk about surpassing
Talk about surpassing boundaries... :? :? :? :? Hurt the princess feelings? WTF? What is so hurtful about saying, "if we are not at home, nobody will be in our house"? Go to the pharmacy and get your man some balls-grower pills...
..LMAO...balls-grower
..LMAO...balls-grower pills...LOL...good one Gia..
THANK YOU ALL!!!!! I agree
THANK YOU ALL!!!!! I agree and just need to set my boundaries! I have come to the conclusion that I have to take up for myself or nobody will!! This is my house and my life!!
Again thanks for all the advice!!
Gia...you rock! I agree! The
Gia...you rock! I agree! The 12 year old princess/devil is a spolied brat!
I agree, you are not being
I agree, you are not being harsh. Why did your husband ask your opinion if he wasn't going to consider it? That is the first question. The problem is that I think that he does not see the house as yours and his. I think that he might still see the house as his and a place that you moved in to so he gets to make the final decisions. The way I see it is that if he wants to live as a family in the house that is now yours and his then he needs to respect your wishes. Would he still react this way if this was a new house that you and he purchased together? If the biological mother also has a pool, there is no reason why they need to come to your house to swim.
Why can't you tell your DH
Why can't you tell your DH you don't want them coming over because you know they've been in your house? It's his house too. Shouldn't he know?
But he already knows they
But he already knows they were in the house when they shouldn't have been. He just doesn't know she knows. I guess I'm just not sure why he can't know she knows, if it would help with the issue...
Its not that I can't tell him
Its not that I can't tell him about it. He already knows that they did this. He just doesnt know that I know the whole story.
I think he is afraid the SD is going to say..I dont want to come to your house anymore if he tell her no. This is a big issue between us. He cant say NO NO NO to her. It really errrks me. Is it wrong in me to have bad feelings toward my step daughter? But, the more i get to know her the more sneaky and mean she is becoming. And when me and my husband are ALONE...Life is perfect.
Im sorry to confuse you. A
Im sorry to confuse you. A friend of his husbands told me to be careful when letting the SD swim due to the BM mother. She didnt want her name to be involved in it so I told her I would not tell that I knew the BM mother had done that.
Either way I told him i didnt want them over there. He should have respected my wishes and if this incident happens this summer....he will listen or my horns may come out!!
One last thing... Why don't
One last thing... Why don't you ask him about his opinion on something you are going to do. Perhaps, "Do you think I should buy myself XXXX thing?" If it is expensive, he will probably say NO. Then go ahead and buy it. The same thing he did with you. i said that example that involves money, but go ahead and be creative. Other scenarios are these:
Ask him if he would like to have a dog/bird/turtle/whatever (if he says no, then go ahead and get the dog/bird/turtle etc...)
Ask him what does he think about you painting a wall in the house of X or Y color (if he says no, go ahead and do it...)
You get the point...
That's a great way to start a conversation, When he comes to you and asks you, why did you do it anyway after he said no... 
You are not being to harsh at
You are not being to harsh at all. First thing I would do is talk to my hubby about me having the right to say that I dont want anyone in the house when I am not there and talk to him about telling his daughter that while he/you are not home then she needs to talk to her mother about going there. If that did not work I would start locking the door so that no one could get in. If that still didnt work I would drain the pool because thats the type or martyr I am
LOL love it!
LOL love it!
Honestly, why do they need to
Honestly, why do they need to be at your house in your swimming pool if they have a swimming pool at their own house? I'd recommend keeping your doors locked while you're gone anyway. You never know when they'll stop in.
You have bad feelings for her
You have bad feelings for her because of how he coddles her. I have a SD (26), so I can relate.
This should be a non-issue. They have no right to be there unless you are home. If she wants to swim . .let her go to her mom's or the Y. She wants to feel like she can do whatever she wants at daddy's house and he's allowing it . . . putting her first.
I had to get on my DH about this and he promised to do better and has. He recently had a fit when dearest daughter took something out of the house that belonged to him (without asking). . again . .what's daddy's is mine. I've never seen him so angry. I think he scared her for the first time in her life.
You have a say over who comes and goes in YOUR home. Put your foot down because it will only get worse as she gets older. Today it's the pool, tomorrow she may end up in your bed with her boyfriend. Nip it in the bud now.
Good luck.
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