Well, from my point of view, if you are already having problems or issues regarding the sd, then you just break it off and try to find someone else to start over with. I am 46, have spent the last 10 years or so putting up with skids issues and stress and emotional/mental abuse because of skids only to be looking at being alone for the rest of my life anyway! I am okay with that because I can't take the crap anymore! So, if there is already anything that is even remotely a problem with the sd, RUN don't walk to the nearest exit!!!

There is always hope. I couldn't stand my SD when I first came here. She was mean to my daughter, disrespectful, devious, theiving and downright obnoxious. She was 15 at the time. I didn't have any love for her younger sister, either, since she tended to do whatever SD did. They would both gang up on my daughter and craft ways to make our lives miserable. I couldn't stand either of them. Hate may be too strong a word but I came pretty close to it.

Now, over a year later, things have calmed down considerably. We set a rule that they must visit us one at a time to avoid the bullying behaviours. A few weeks ago, YSD visited for a weekend and we had a great time. She was polite and respectful, and actually jumped to help around the house.

OSD will be visiting in a few weeks. She has friended me on Facebook and seems to be looking forward to her visit. There has been no more nastiness. Both of them seem to have gotten over their jealousy issues and are doing their best to get along.

Now that OSD is 17 and applying to college (to be a police officer) she seems to have calmed down quite a bit. She knows I'm not going anywhere and neither is my daughter (fingers crossed on that one, given that she's already run away and come back).

I have forgiven her and can actually look forward to seeing her now, thanks in no small part to the support I've received here. For things to get to this point, I had to learn that it really wasn't her fault. She was only acting on some strong emotions and messed up perspectives. FH worked hard with her to help her understand that he and I are a united front and that I wasn't trying to take him away from her. That and maturity helped.

So yeah, there is hope. I wouldn't have believed it at the beginning, but things can improve with the right perspective and some patience.

Mine is a similar situation. . .A few years ago, I married DH and moved in with him and SD because he wanted us to bond. I was against it from the start since she was an adult and I felt adults needed their own space, and we needed privacy as newlyweds. Needless to say we never bonded especially after I learned her personality traits or lack thereof.

As of today, I resent her and he's aware of it because he knows how much drama she's caused us. She doesn't get along with BM either. . .that's why she lives with us. He's aware that her behavior is due to his coddling and bad parenting and he's starting to see the error of his ways.

I feel you can have a happy relationship, in spite of the feelings you have for SD. Your primary relationship is with him, not her. But if he's given you an conditional ultamatim, you may want to reconsider your future with him.

Im in the same situation as you here only I have a daughter with my DH. Life seems so shit most of the time, everything I think about is stressful, I have nothing to look forward to and nothing good happening and I have been trying for a very long time to keep thinking - something good will happen. We have separated the visits also with SS12 coming this week - although late because of the volcano and DH having to drive/coach his way home and isnt back till tomorrow and the ultimate nightmare ss9 going on 6 coming the following time. That has helped with the fighting etc in our house because I wont have it in my house but DH undermines me like last week when ss9 was here and they are play fighting in the kitchen and I had to shout to get them to stop and DH is like, well it was your rule otherwise you will leave - because I wont have it around OUR daughter. So now, I am going to seek councilling for us so he has someone telling him that he needs to spend time with our daughter just as much as he does with the ss's. From what Ive read, these situations like ours only get better once the child moves out, like 20 years old. I cant wait for that day!!!! Im hoping when they get to be teenagers that they will be more concerned with going out with their friends (which all live around their mother) so will stop coming altogether!! fingers crossed! There is just too much water under the bridge for me to like them and I dont know where to begin to make myself happy. All I know is that I love DH, we have a wonderful child together but I dont know if I can do this forever either....watch this space!

It's the same for me as well, too much water under the bridge for my feelings to change about SD (will turn 27 this year). She's done some crummy things to me, and while I don't hate her, I will always resent her. Before it's over, she'll wished she had stayed on my good side.

I also agree, that things don't change as they get older. DH still coddles her, but I constantly remind him of the damage he's doing and how she'll be ill equipped to deal with life in the real world.

If DH had his way, she'd live with us forever. Of course he'd never admit it. The plan was she'd finish school, get a job and get her own place. She finished college 6 months ago, and now she's dragging her feet to get a job because she knows she'll have to stand on her own two feet and is utterly incapable, and likely scared to death . .thanks to daddy. If I had it to over again, I wouldn't have married him and moved in until she moved out.