Do you like one skid better than the other??
I just posted a blog and I had another thing to get off my chest….
Okay when DH and I first started dating, I was crazy about his youngest who has just turned 3 at the time. He was cute and loving and fun to be around. I guess I paid him a lot more attention. SS6 (at the time) annoyed me and I think it was b/c he still wanted his parents to be together, so it was harder to bond with him. He ONLY wanted to play video games and threw an attitude if he didn’t get his way and it was annoying. My, my have the times changed. SS5 (the youngest) annoys the crap out of me, I cant stand when he is around. Where I enjoy SS8 so much now. He is a pleasant to talk to and enjoys other things than video games (although still plays a lot).
SS5 is so whinny and clinging. He throws an attitude and fit when he doesn’t get his way. And its bad. DH doesn’t cater to him or accept this behavior at all but he doesn’t stop it either. I cant stand being around him. He doesn’t listen for anything. All he asks to do is play video games and if he’s told no, he grunts and throws himself down. He is sent to his room or time out after he is warned to lose the “tude, but it doesn’t stop there. If he’s sent to his room, he cries so loud and will open the door even if shut behind him so you can hear him crying. Then when he’s done his fit, he wants to be babied and sit on Daddy’s lap and tell him how much he loves him. I’m not trying to be cruel but after all that, the last thing I’d want is for that kid to sit on my lap. And it annoys me when DH will baby him!!
It’s crazy to me how it’s flip flopped.
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Oh I know poor parenting has
Oh I know poor parenting has taken place and I'm not saying its all BM, but I dont tolerate a lot at my house. They have rules, bedtimes and expectations. BM use to undermine DH when he would correct the boys and she'd do it front of the kids. They never agreed on how to raise the kids. So they parent two completely different ways!
ss10 is by far my
ss10 is by far my favorite..... he's always been the cutest (ss2 & sd5 when we met).... but now he has just turned out so far NOT to be the lieing, stealing, back stabbing, FFC JR that sd13 has....
I think about this often…
I think about this often… and though I *try* not to show any favoritism there’s just no question that I have a stronger bond with my older step son (SS6) than I do thee younger one (SS2).
Which is funny… SS6 looks like a carbon copy of his mother (which should be a turn off) even has a trace of the Russian accent and everything! But he never bonded with her on a level that he has his father and positively clings to me for the motherly support he was missing with her. He’s a dear heart and very sensitive about life and peoples feelings… and he really brings out al of the parental pride I know I would dote on my own blood children if I had them.
And then there’s Mr.TwoYearsOld… as I call him.
Mr.TwoYearsOld a carbon copy of his father (which you would think I would adore!) even has his facial expressions, but he’s standoffish… difficult… loud and destructive. (we jokingly call him The Hulk because wherever he goes something’s getting *smashed!*) and already at his tender age knows how to play us against his mother! When he’s with us everything is “Mama’s House! I want Mama’s house!” And when he’s with her all she hears about is “Daddy’s house!” It’s insane that a mind that young can manipulate already!
Reading the above posts gives me hope that he may grow out of some of his more annoying ways… “terrible two” wasn’t just a flash in the pan expression after all! And I pray this bond with the older son will grow over the years!
*preens*
He just got the lead roll in his Kindergarten play… he’s the “Bug MC” in Once upon a Picnic and I couldn’t be prouder!!!!
SS5 is starting to look more
SS5 is starting to look more and more like his mom. Even though that has no bearing on the situation b/c SS8 looks just like DH and I couldnt stand him at first. I get divorce is hard, I grew up in WW3 myself!! But I just cant stand SS5 anymore.
We had SS8 one night by himself b/c they both have a function to be at so each parent took a kid. Dinner was so pleasant b/c we didnt have SS5 there. Plus he enjoyed it b/c he had DH all to himself without SS5 being there attached his ass!
Oh yes, having the kid be
Oh yes, having the kid be babied after the punishment and fit bad bad. Have you and DH talked about his babying the kid and how you dont think its right cause he learns nothing if he is doing this. I have had to take computer time, tv,video games and toys away for a couple days to teach lesson. Oh and I as far as liking one more umm not anymore. they are 7 and 12 ry old girls. now days the 12yr old wines more than used to this past year. she cant take any bit of pain. she is clumzy as hell fractured foot falling out of chair. a little bump into the table and god i wanna leave the appartment. and if shes sick wow. 7ry old attitude and yells and cries like your DH son if in trouble. I ignore it she stops after she knows no attintion is given. sometimes i do say if you dont stop screaming like that you are going to bed way early tonight and no tv tomorrow. She will also come apologize and hug whoever she threw a fit against. we will say you know why you got into trouble right. and let her know that what she did is wrong.
Oh yes...DH knows how I feel
Oh yes...DH knows how I feel about the babyness about the situation and I said you are making the problem SO much worse!! And when he gets worse, I leave him to deal with it. I will go to my grandmom's house or out for a bit and told him I wouldnt have to do so if he wouldnt baby him after the fact. I said we have a 7 person couch, you are not his f'in chair!!
lol good for you for leaving
lol good for you for leaving him to deal and leaving house as well. I get out as much as i can. you just have to so you can keep your cool. hope he grows out of it sooner then later
I try not to favor either of
I try not to favor either of the stepsons but honestly I can tolerate SS14 way better than SS12. SS12 is always whining or pouting to get his way, and DH babies him. He's stomps when he gets mad and he won't eat anything!!
Age 12 aaaahhh. I was
Age 12 aaaahhh. I was wondering if they should still be whining at that age. never remember my neices being so bad. maybe they were to there parents.
Maybe it is the "age" that
Maybe it is the "age" that you dont prefer. You said that one SS was 6 when you had trouble with him and now the other is 5? Just a thought. 5-6 is a tough age
Yeah I thought about that
Yeah I thought about that and I'm hopeful it is just the age and he will grow out of it
Wow! This could be my post
Wow! This could be my post exactly!!! I had the same exact experience. I don't show favoritism, but I definitely prefer my older skid (ss11) to my younger (ss5). It started in the reverse because my older skid was trying to get his parents back together and resisted me a little at first. He loves me now and we have a great relationship. When given a choice, he will almost always choose to spend time with me over either his dad or BM! When we're grocery shopping, he and I always go off with the list and do "grocery missions" while ss5 stays with DH. I get a huge kick out of the stuff he says and he is really blunt and honest, which I found abrasive at first, but now much prefer, to ss5's manipulation and sneakiness. DH actually prefers ss5 (and feels horribly guilty about it, although he loves them both the same) so things even out at home. My BFF has a little girl and boy and she has the same experience, but her DH prefers their D4, who is autistic and she prefers her three year old boy. They just click personality-wise that way and her daughter, who she loves to pieces, is a daddy's girl, and her sweet little son is a total mama's boy. We actually talked about this today because she feels really guilty and we both laughed in relief to find that we have the same experience! Hers are both bio-kids and mine are both my steps, and we have pretty much the same experience, so I think this might be a parenting thing, not so much a step-parenting thing, although us step-parents don't necessarily have that deep love bond that bio-parents have and can make it really crappy to have unlikable skids. DH finds ss11 really irritating and when his behavior is bad it triggers anger towards BM because the majority of his behavior problems stem from her "parenting." He gets really depressed and feels guilty that he didn't leave her sooner because he knows ss11 would have been better off. He identifies with ss5 although where he sees himself in ss5 and thinks he's just sensitive and quiet, I see that ss5 is lacking DH's sweetness and intelligence and is actually just manipulative and sulky. I treat them both the same and am very careful to not show preference to one over the other. I am extremely fair and they have both learned to come to me when they are fighting because I will be completely fair and listen to both sides of the story before I decide what the consequence should be and DH is more likely to be irritated with ss11 and side with ss5 and believe his manipulative lying. In my experience, ss11 will lie occasionally, and it will be really obvious and he gets in trouble and feels guilty and ss5 lies constantly and doesn't seem to have a conscious. He gets upset at getting caught, but doesn't seem to feel guilty for doing something he knows is wrong. It's pretty disturbing...BM has no conscious whatsoever and models lying and deceit for her kids and when called on a lie, will just say, "so? I lied, so what?" and doesn't even seem embarrassed. We have a zero tolerance policy for lies, so when I catch either one in a lie they get an immediate consequence (loss of privileges or time-out).
Anyway, they're not my kids and they're not that likable and it's taken lots of time and effort for me to bond with them, but I experienced the same flip flop (ss5 was a cute, personality-less toddler when I married DH) and I have friends that have experienced this with both step and bio-kids. I think it's a pretty common parenting thing, but more awkward and uncomfortable for step-parents...
"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they will kill you." ~Oscar Wilde
It's totally the age.
It's totally the age. Totally. When i met DH his kids were SD6 and SS3. SD was so annoying. Now they are older SD10 and SS7. and the SS annoys the hell out of me. it's just the age. it gets better.
I'm nervous that when SD becomes pre teen and teen then the "favorite" will switch again because SD will be about 10 and not so annoying. i hear teenagers are annoying lol.