He moved back home, I'm trying....he's not!
Well, we had a long talk and we decided to give things one last chance. As his daughter goes to uni this September we both feel things will be better for us without her around 24/7. We've come this far....
It's been a week since he moved home but strangly it doesn't seem to feel right, I'm not sure why. Part of me thinks it's because of everything he put our whole family through at Christmas. I want to put that behind us but can't seem to be able to. I also don't trust that this won't happen again. On my part I've been trying but it feel as if I'm treading on eggshells not to uset him and he's not giving me anything back. It's such hard work. If I try and discuss any past issues or even mention his daughter he clams up and sulks, even tells me not to nag! I'm insecure and need reasurance that I feel he cant or wont give me. He said 'we can't just flick a switch and everything be alright'. He does realise what's happening and last night told me he would try harder.
We have talked about having my family visit one day over Christams in future and his the next, but even though I feel this might work I can't see him going along with it at the last minute. He always changes his mind when we get there!
We're trying to plan a week away by ourselves to Gran Canaria at February half term (my daughter is with her Dad) but I don't feel enthusiastic about this. It sems to me we're going through the motions of a relationship but our hearts are not in it!
We've not arranged any counselling as it was so expensive when we enquired, and I'm out of work at the moment.
He has told me his daughter has told him she never wants to see me again, which is absolutly fine with me, but I know will tear my partner in two. I've told him we will invite her to visit then leave the choice to her, he agreed but I don't think he will stick to this as he always feels sorry for her being on her own. Who will he choose? I think I already know the answer to that.
Maybe I was hoping for too much too soon.
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If you guys can't talk about
If you guys can't talk about what's going on then it will be extremely hard to get past this. Check counselors again, there might be some, maybe through a church or other organization, that have sliding fee scales and base their fees on your income.
"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change, So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding, and love." -Jennifer Edwards
What happened at
What happened at Christmas?
My H is still here, hasn't left (yet) but your "can't flick a switch back on" phrase is concerning to me.
It's what my H kept saying when I was trying to reconnect with him after my surgery and he was trying to decide if he should leave me for a coworker.
I know your pain of wanting to try to work things out and getting nothing in return. My H has continued to tell me he doesn't know what he wants yet, while I sit here waiting for HIM to choose our future.
I don't think you're dealing with the same situation (other woman) as I am by any means, but the fact that they make us do all the work while they clam up and take their time "deciding" if our marriage is worth it is wrong. I'm trying to figure out how to just let it all go and start packing. I have no place to go is the problem, and my sons don't want to go either is another.
And then there's BD 4. But I digress.
I am working toward deciding if this marriage is worth it TO ME, to my children, and talking myself into deciding to take the reigns to my happiness back.
I know it's hard to do b/c I'm trying to do it, but I think that's the best advice I have for you to do as well.
Hugs
If I remember right he left
If I remember right he left them around Christmas time because he couldn't handle the stresses at that point in time.
At some point Faye, you will get tired of trying, and tired of putting all into it and not getting much in return. It is a very tiresome process. Your resentment will grow, and you will just grow disgusted with the situation.
He HAS to try. There is no way this will work if you are the only one pulling all the way. I know therapy is out of the question right now, but perhaps you can see a pastor or priest to discuss you problems with? I know over some churches offer counseling for couple who have the intention of marrying. Hope that helps.
Well, I guess that if you
Well, I guess that if you think therapy is too expensive, perhaps you could read a book together that deals with your specific problem/s. This will only work, though, if you are both committed to reading it and both very open about talking through things.
BB
You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved