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How do you know when it's time to walk away?

Last-Wife's picture

Submitted by Last-Wife on Thu, 12/31/2009 - 8:37pm

Maybe just be asking that question, I already know the answer.

I married my DH when I was just 24, 11 years ago. I became wife and mother in the same day- the skids were 3,4, and 6 at the time. We have primary custody and I have been there for it all- dance recitals, sick days, endless basketball games, vacations, holidays, birthdays, car accidents, the list goes on.

I've even managed to befriend the ex. I knew it was best if we could get along for the kids.

But it's all getting so old. Dealing with her and her issues, and the mental issues that have grown into the children as she has aged because of them. In the last 18 months the kids have grown increasingly hostile, rude and defiant. My DH lets them do it. And the thing is, I can deal with them being rude to me, but it absolutely churns my stomach when they do it to him.

And DH just lost his job. Luckily, he did find a replacement position for the interim, but he has become so bitter. He likes to put on this "italian guy" persona, and his sarcasm and jokes have become very hateful. He can't make it to couples therapy due to the job change and he hasn't gone in months.

I go. I sit there every few weeks and think why am I wasting my money to save a family that doesn't want to be fixed?

We have a son together. He's 8. I don't like the environment he's growing up in.

Maybe it's just cause it's New Year's Eve, but I have been throwing this idea around in my head for 2 weeks now. I know things need to change. But how do I change them?

Comments

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Fri, 01/01/2010 - 8:29am

Losing job can really throw DH for a loop - trust me, I know! I think that could be contributing to the issue.

Does anyone tell the skids to knock it off and act like human beings to their dad?
_________________________________________________________
"The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself." -
Will Rogers

kidsaplenty's picture

Submitted by kidsaplenty on Fri, 01/01/2010 - 8:40am

It is hard if your partner is not by your side. So I guess that is the big question here, whether you will be able to get him to see the seriousness of your unahappiness and help you or not. You have 3 teenagers in the house and this can be equally as hard even if their was not blends in your family! The two of you really need some help in how to deal with the teen issues that are arrising and get things turned around more then this being a step thing (as they are being crappy to him too). If you have no support from him and no hope of support from him I can really understand why you are thinking of throwing in the towel. Sit him down and make him listen or maybe write him a letter so you can get out what you need to with no arguments/jokes/etc..,

hehatesme's picture

Submitted by hehatesme on Fri, 01/01/2010 - 8:52am

sounds like a tough situation! I feel for you- thats a long time be be the everything for a family without a happy future to look forward to. I keep saying to my self, that my evil SS16 will be out in a min of 1 1/2 years, and we will be happy again. Sometimes I think that it is all a big hoax. will your husband listen to your needs? I know mine wont. I guess you need to try to ballance the reasons to stay against the reasons to leave, and all the consequences that that decission brings. SOO hard!Be strong for your son, and stand your parenting ground no matter what!