I married my husband a little over a year ago. It was rushed due to us both being in the military and was a shock to his 3 children because the 2 of us really didn't know each other for to long.
He has 3 kids from his previous marriage. 2 girls and 1 boy. All teenagers. My oldest step daughter just graduated from Marine basic training and the other 2 are going to school and very involved in sports. All 3 kids are great kids and I love them as my own.
As much as I love them I've found it hard to get as close to my SS as I am with my SD's. I can relate to my girls because I've been there and done that.
The kids bio mom lives in a different state and is a mother at convience and the two older kids have felt it. Their mom spoils the little one, so she hasn't quite caught on yet. My oldest SD has accepted how her mom is and has moved on to live her own life. My SS though has alot of pent up anger and resientment towards his bio mom. I'm not sure if his outlook on mother figures is tainted for life or if he'll get over it and realize that I'm not her and that I would do anything for him.
His attitude is horrible (most of the time) and he makes up these horrible lies about me. His last being that I called him a racial name and pushed him down the stairs!! His dad and I had taken his phone away and seen that he texted that to some of his friends. I was a little shock and quite hurt because I've never disrespected him and tell him all the time that I love him dearly. I let him know that I'll be here for him and try to spend as much time with him as I can.
After he was confronted about the text he went from never having a problem with me calling him my son or me introducing myself as his mom (even though it's quite obvious I'm not his bio mom) and even calling me mom from time to time to, "I dont like it when you call me your son because I think you're trying to replace my mom"
I said okay and since then I've been very careful to introduce myself as his stepmom. At that point he also said he wanted to go live with his mom ( who told us to let him know that he can't go stay with her when she was told he wanted to move in with her).
I let the fact that he made up very hurtful things about me go and we all got over it a few days later. Well, now his dad's gone for a month and he's back to treating me like shit again. I had to take his phone away yesterday because he didn't do his chores, ignored his dad's phone calls and then yelled at his little sister in front of his friends reducing her to tears. His attitude is horrible and I'm not sure how to deal with it anymore. His dad can put him in his place quickly and always does when his attitude gets bad or he disrespects me. But since he's gone my SS just wants to be a jerk.
I'm clueless and stressed out and dont know how to handle him. He goes to his mom's for X-mas break in 2 weeks and his dad and I will also be in the same state as the kids for X-mas but Im not sure I can deal with his poor attitude and the fact that he thinks he has a right to treat me (and his little sister at times) like crap for another 2 weeks just because his dad's not here.

Any advice??