TEST

I am testing out # 5 ADMIRATION for myself.
I don’t always know if I am being admired from my wife.
So I am purposely trying the # 5 (Family commitment) on her list to see if they go hand in hand.

Nov 1 Sunday
I spent a little time with 17 son this weekend, I planted the seed in his head about going next door to the elderly neighbor who has spent most of the week trying to finish trimming his way over grown mesquite tree.
He usually has landscapers, but I think the do to the economy it has him doing more things around the house.
The weather is nice out here in Glendale Az. this time of year.
So my son went next door to talk to the neighbor.
He jumped at the opportunity to get some young cheap help.
So he got more than just a tree job to do. (lawn, pool, patio cleaning as well)
And the old man is very impressed with my sons work ethic. He feels he is getting a huge amount of work for little pay. And my son feels like he is doing a good job and getting some easy money.
This commitment sounded small but, from the stand point of not over parenting and me backing away, letting the son do things on his own was a good thing. Because the wife and I planned a hike with the boys and I was able to keep the plans and not hang around with the son in case he needed me. Witch was tough for me. I did want to make sure he did a good job. But I let him be all the man he is and let things fall where they lie.

Nov 1 Sunday
I told the wife I was taking my BS10 for a drive; I needed to talk to him.
This was Sunday night just after sunset.
He got the birds and the bee’s talk.
He was very interested. And very glad he had his dad to talk to, about the strange things happening to his body.
I wanted to talk with him about it because I gave the talk to my older son at a later age.
I think I waited to long with him. He was 13 maybe 14. And He learned some things on his own from friends and I feel it ruined the chance that I needed to set some good examples of what it means to be a man. He learned the way I did and I spent most of my life trying to figure out relationships on my own, with a bunch of mistakes…
I believe he was so used to not talking about this stuff, to this day he still does what he is used to doing. Figuring things out, on his own. I feel bad. That can and will be a frustrating road, and now he just feels strange talking to me about sex.
Anyways I can see in my BS 10’s eyes that he knows he has a dad that is going to be there for him. He has a new look on his face, He looks les confused. 

Nov1 Sunday
I read a story to the 2 younger boys tonight.
This has always been LovingLife’s thing to do every night. She needed to go to bed a little earlier tonight, she was exhausted from our hike and laundry all weekend.
So SS8 sat on my left side of me and my BS10 sat on my right side of me while I read to them.
She got to bed earlier, but was up just after I put the boys to bed.
Her BS8 had an embarrassing rash popped up on him just after his shower.
And needed mom’s attention.

NOV 2 Monday
Had basketball practice for the boys.
Busy night! LovingLife picked up the boys from school today. She wanted to take them to the book fair at school.
She was happy and excited to do this. She does not get this kind of time with them, since I get off work earlier than she does.
I worked late and needed to go to the library and drop off the book my son used for his book report, so I walked in the door just as it was time to go to practice.
While we sat during the boys basketball practice we talked about the boys.
It was a bit of a touchy subject, She was explaining my son’s whiny attitude to me, and I admitted he can be that way, but felt compelled to tell her how she could change the way she speaks to him to keep the whiny attitude to a minimum. Which was not received that well. I calmly just left it at that. Told her I did not want this to be in a fight. I know he sulks and whines. I am just suggesting something that I do to force him into responsible actions instead of this poor one he is trying to do.
The time together was not especially happy; we were both kinda keeping ourselves at our best behaviors. We have had explosive arguments over topics just like this before. So we were being cautious. I wanted to add still one more thing to our conversation.
Part of my being “Family Committed ‘. I wanted to give a gift to her BS8 but it meant something different to my wife.
Showing my commitment to the family I needed to also raise her son like my own.
So it was time to speak up on a manhood topic concerning her son.
SS8 shows a level of unawareness that I believe is time to break.
So the gift to him is a gift of new independence.
I suggested to my wife that SS8 starts to answer the phone when his dad calls.
He can be sitting right next to the phone and he will not answer it. He waits for mommy to get it and tell him if it is his dad or not.

Nov 3 Tuesday
I had Men’s Fraturnity,
This class starts at 7 and goes on till whenever 9 maybe as late as 10 pm.
This class was especially good, I say that all the time, but it is always true. It just gets better and better. I made diner, stir fry & chicken.
LovingLife worked late tonight, so us boys had diner ourselves.
BS10 brought a crossword puzzle that needed a book to reference his answers to, and he forgot it. He got consequences. So no anything tonight except he can read a book.
On Monday I picked up some audio books at the library. Got 3.
* How to talk so kids will listen & Listen so kids can talk
* A managing money one, Suze Orman the Road to wealth. (IT SUCKED)
She may know what she is talking about, but that nagging voice and demeaning tone got to me in just a few disks. I finally said Shut the F up! And hit eject and got it out of my truck.
* When Venus and Mars collides.
I loved it. Still listening to it on the way to work. LovingLife is listening to one on kids.
We both came home and were talking about what we learned.
We were excited. We talked about it, we told each other what we learned, we told each other what we wanted to try out. I was excited as all get out! I was turned on!

Nov 4 Wednesday
Nov 5 Thursday
Nov 6 Friday
Nov 7 Saturday
Nov 8 Sunday

This is now Nov 14th at 7:30 in the morning. I had typed in the pre set up days to write our week’s progress. As you can see. “Nothing”
I can honestly say I don’t know what happened.
I am 7 days past my little test.
Time has slipped away. 12 days of no writings. I remember that there were some good things that happened, and I remember that there were some miserable times too.

I did finish the Mars Venus audio book.
My wife has it now and just finished disk 1.

I can’t tell if I have exhausted myself to the point of withdrawing from our relationship.
Or if I am doing fine and my wife is on a war path with me.
Things have not been well with us.
I know I have been kind of doing things on my own and not involving her.
Some tasks I have my own way of doing things. My own way of order and reasons for doing things. If I try and do things with her. It seems to go real bad. If I go it on my own it goes bad.
Maybe the book helped me change,
Maybe those changes are foreign to her and it has our household on the rocks for right now.
Maybe it’s a season we need to go through to dial in our happy home life for the better.
I am not sure.

I know I love my wife with all my heart, and I pray for our paths to get back on track.
Sorry folks for this test going astray.
It is a test still.
You can draw your own conclusions from it.
Share what you want, add input, ask questions.

Did I get the admiration I wanted? No I didn’t.
Did I fail on my part?
Yes I know I did. I may have started out ok, but crazy ass life came in and stirred the pot.