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FH says no to my biodaughters planned bday gift because of the skids.

RustyHalo's picture

Submitted by RustyHalo on Wed, 09/23/2009 - 8:41am

I'm driving my daughter home from school yesterday and we see a sign out at a friend of mine's house that says "FREE KITTENS". My daughter (she's 16) tells me she would love to have a kitten for her birthday (it's in November). We could never have an indoor cat before because I used to be severely allergic to cats, but I have outgrown that allergy. So, I said I will talk to FH about it.
Last night, I told FH that I would like to get my BD a kitten for her birthday, and he looked kinda weird, but he said "okay". This morning as I am getting ready for work, after I got his girls up, fed them, and fixed their hair (SD9 still had a fever, so she had to stay home from school), FH comes into my bathroom and says I don't think we should get BD a kitten for her bday. He says we can get a kitten, but it has to belong to "everyone". Well, both skids have a pet at their mom's. SD8 has a cat, and SD9 has a dog and they both have hermit crabs. We have a dog who stays outside and the skids NEVER touch this dog, they never LOOK at this dog. My BD feeds, waters, bathes, and walks this dog. I know that my BD will be the responsible person in regards to this cat (she wants to be a veterinarian). And not only that, the skids are only here 50% of the time. So, I said to FH that it's okay for the skids to each have a pet at THEIR mom's, but MY BD can't have a pet at HER mom's because the skids are here 50% of the time? (Note: my BD NEVER goes to her father's. He takes her to an occasional movie and he helps with transportation to events, but she never stays the night at his house, so she lives with us FULL time.) He gave me a look, (you know the look - guys give it when they've got nothing to say and you are winning the argument, but they still don't want to give in), so I just told him that I did not want to discuss this right now. But, ladies, I'll be damned if my BD will be deprived of a pet, because he's worried about his little darlin's feelings. They will never take care of a pet and they're not at our house half the time anyway. AND they have pets at their mom's. Am I wrong in thinking that it should be okay for my BD to have a pet at HER mom's? I mean this is HER home too, and it's the only one she's got.

Please tell me your feelings on this, because this argument is far from over. And I am not above going and getting my daughter a pet THIS weekend and presenting it to her as a gift to her from me and leaving FH completely out of it. It's MY house too.

Comments

stepoff's picture

Submitted by stepoff on Wed, 09/23/2009 - 8:55am

I think your daughter should be allowed to have a kitten if she wants. Like you said, it's the only home she has. So, according to your husband, she should have to share her birthday gift with SDs? That's not right. Tell him that when it's the skids b-days, you'll get them each a kitten of their own and they can take it home to BMs house. HA! Her gift is HER gift, not everyone's.

BMJen's picture

Submitted by BMJen on Wed, 09/23/2009 - 9:07am

Hello, your daughter lives with you and you alone! She's never allowed to have her own animal because the skids come over, who have their own animals at their houses. Bullshit. You're right, it is your house to and it's also your daughters house to.

Could he be more mine vs yours right now? Seriously, damn man.

bioandstep2009's picture

Submitted by bioandstep2009 on Wed, 09/23/2009 - 9:19am

I'd overrule him in this case and let him know that you will be getting her the cat. We try to be fair with our kids (SS9, DD10) but someone is always going to belly aching about perceived unfairness. That's life...the skids will get over it.

Squillion's picture

Submitted by Squillion on Wed, 09/23/2009 - 9:24am

the skids would really give a crap if you got her a kitten? Sounds like they're uninterested anyway.

You don't think they'd act out on the kitten though, right? Like, they aren't crazy or anything? (I just worry for pets around children... some have no perception of "gentle")

I'd get her the cat.

If your H has an issue, there's a perfectly nice yard, apparently, for him to sleep in. Perhaps DD could even feed and water him for you Smile

RustyHalo's picture

Submitted by RustyHalo on Wed, 09/23/2009 - 10:52am

My skids are wonderful with animals. I would NEVER worry about them harming the cat. They would love the cat whoever it belongs to and would enjoy having a "house pet" to play with.

******My daddy always said: "It's better to be a SMARTASS, than a DUMBASS!******

Wicked.Step.Monster's picture

Submitted by Wicked.Step.Monster on Wed, 09/23/2009 - 11:31am

with my skids. Several years SD10.5 wanted a dog at our house (mind you they're only here EOWE) and we decided sure we'd get 'her' a dog. So we bring the dog home and then DH declares it's "everyone's" dog. :jawdrop: WHAT? I don't think so. So as soon as SD10.5 was away from DH I was sure to tell her that DH was trying not to hurt the feelings of SD14 but rest assured that was HER dog and noone elses. That's all it took for her was to know she was 'sharing' HER dog and as long as she knew that it was in fact HER dog she was fine with it. But I was pissed at DH for that!

namaste123's picture

Submitted by namaste123 on Thu, 11/12/2009 - 6:29pm

x

luckykell's picture

Submitted by luckykell on Wed, 09/23/2009 - 12:04pm

But i'm currently going through a 'kitty' ordeal. My fiance and I finally got a new house, and we move in 2 weeks. We have SD5, "Scooty", 2-4 times a week pending on the week. Well FH knows I want a kitten (our first "child" together...i know i'm cheezy) but I told him i'm worried that Scooty will think it is hers. She already talks about getting a kitty that can "stay in her room". I know it's silly, but i'm already jealous! So, like I said, not exactly similar, but I can sympathize that something as small as a kitten causes drama! Good luck...I think you should get BD her Kitty! Biggrin

"Live well, Love much, Laugh often."

bioandstep2009's picture

Submitted by bioandstep2009 on Wed, 09/23/2009 - 12:17pm

Yeah, I want to get another dog. Love the dog we have but (1) he's getting old (2) it's really SS9's dog (has been around since pre-divorce) and (3) I used to have dogs for many years but was heartbroken over them getting old and having to be put down. I feel that I am ready again to have a dog that's my own. Sure, it'll be another member of our family but SS9 cannot say, "It's my dog" when the other one gets here. It's funny, he likes to make a point to say that it's HIS dog yet guess who takes care of him, feeds him, walks him, cuddles with him? ME! I honestly think the dog prefers me now because SS9 is always pulling him, tugging him and otherwise treating him like a stuffed animal.

alwaysme's picture

Submitted by alwaysme on Wed, 09/23/2009 - 8:50pm

I think that it plain ridiculous to not get it because of his kids. Like you said they have pets at their mothers house so your daughter also will have a pet at her mothers house. it couldnt get more equal