The Christmas sh!t has already hit the fan!
About a month ago I purchased 2 $50 gift certificates for a store that sells beauty products for SD20's Christmas present. I was planning to wait to see if SD paid back any of the money that she owes us recently before determining how much of the gift card money to give her for Christmas. So far, she hasn't paid back a single red cent of the money we loaned her (and I'm absolutely expecting her to pay none of it back), so I was planning to give her one of the cards for $50 and saving the other for her birthday in March.
DH took it upon himself to give her the cards yesterday. Both of them. $100 worth. Apparently her complaint this time regarding money (she's always complaining about money when DH talks with her), is that the trimmer that she uses at work isn't working right anymore and she needs a new one. So instead of him bringing it up with me so we can discuss it, he just took the gift cards while I wasn't looking and gave them to her.
So in the past month, she's gotten almost $200 for trivial shit out of DH. This is money that she should be WORKING to earn so that she can take responsibility for herself as an ADULT. I'm sure that if she had to wait until Christmas, she would have probably appreciated the gift cards. But she got them just for whining once on the phone. She will never appreciate anything. BM calls and screams over the phone, we pay SD's bill. SD calls and whines over the phone, SD gets $100. How is this possibly teaching her respect or responsibility???
So DH told me that he understands that SD will have nothing under the Christmas tree this year. She received more than she would have gotten for Christmas anyway. I just don't see how DH will be able to invite SD and SS, watch SS open his gifts while SD just sits there with nothing. Not to mention that it will make me uncomfortable (but just a little bit). I just can't believe he did this!!!
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Actually, on second thought,
Actually, on second thought, it won't make me uncomforable at all. She got more than enough already.
I agree. I would not buy
I agree. I would not buy anything else. Not to sound mean, but DH should be the one to tell her why she has nothing.
He said that he already told
He said that he already told her and she understands. But I can ALREADY see the sad-sack look on her face on Christmas.
You know that girl in her
You know that girl in her mind thinks she'll still get something for Christmas...she always gets what she wants!
Ahhh...Christmas drama. Just isn't a real holiday season without it...
"To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there." ~Barbara Bush
You hit the nail on the head
You hit the nail on the head PnutButta! I know that's exactly what she's thinking. 'Daddy won't let me sit there with NOTHING. He'll have to get me SOMETHING', thinking that she'll receive yet MORE for Christmas than anyone else. Hence, the sad look on her face that I'm dreading looking at when she gets nothing else. Ugh, the drama.
Yup, she expects gifts at
Yup, she expects gifts at Christmas. I guarantee it. He has set a pattern for her to think that. She whines and he hands her stuff. She will whine at Christmas and he will feel guilty.
um...You said that your SD
um...You said that your SD is 20 right? Why is this girl not taking care of herself? I am 22 and have taken care of myself since I was 18. In my parent's mind there was nothing to debate regarding this; it was just understood that that's what happens when your child becomes a legal adult. Why is it that divorced parents feel the need to spoil their children well past the age of adulthood? I get that they feel guilty about "ruining their lives" and all but they need to realize that they're not doing their kids any favors by teaching them how to mooch off of people instead of how to be independent.
*sigh* I guess this is the plus side to being a COD. Everyone feels that they have to hand you everything for your entire life. Ha, it kind of makes me wish for just a moment that my parents had split up so they would feel obligated to buy me a new car, pay my rent, and pay my college tuition and extra expenses.
Thank you!!! Um, in my
Thank you!!! Um, in my book, 20 yo means you take care of yourself. It's not like she's still in school or anything. She lives with BM for free, only has a car payment and her prescription fees for birth control. Definitely time to grow the hell up, right! When I was 20 I was working 3 jobs and paying my own rent, utilities, car payment, food, insurance, etc.
FIO, you are a rare breed!
FIO, you are a rare breed! A very rare breed, but so refreshing
!! I wish my SD's had your common sense. You, my dear, ROCK!
Very well put StepAside!!!
Very well put StepAside!!!
Dont feel uncomfortable at
Dont feel uncomfortable at all! Your dh gave it to her early , he's responsible. Dont spend a penny for xmas or her bday. Its just too bad. She whined , got it early....OMG, your dh can be sooooo manipulated. Iknow my sd does this to my dh as well but lately he's been quite strong in fact he actually admitted in front of company last week that he thinks his daughter is two faced.
It came out of his mouth!! Not mine, i've never said a word! He came out and said it and shocked all of us in the room and they looked at me and i agreed with my dh. But added she is also a teen and this is a learning curve....
WOW! Good for your DH. My
WOW! Good for your DH. My SD is also manipulative and two faced. I just hope that someday DH will realize it too without me having to push him to that realization. I don't want to ALWAYS have to be the bad-guy, just wish he'd wake up already.
For crying out loud, what
For crying out loud, what was he thinking? Did he he just give it to her to shut her up? I think that you should not worry about. Let DH feel awkward at Christmas when she is not opening anything. Its up to him to remind that she got her christmas gifts early.
I would just put it out of my mind and cross her off your list.
If it was me, I would have DH make her call me to Thank me for the early christmas present. Pound it in her little head.
My son doesn't open all his
My son doesn't open all his gifts in front of the stepkids(half siblings) my dh tried one year to suggest that we wait to open our gifts until they come that night...i said no way!!! Why should i wait for anyone. THis is our family xmas too, are you going to suggest to your ex for her to wait as well? He realized what he was askign for and shut up. I understood what he wanted...all his kids opening up gifts at xmas....but i explained to him how fair do you think it is for our little guy to wait all the time. So i told him, i'll save one or two gifts but i am not waiting and neither is he. That is our time together.
We open our gifts in the morning. I save one or two gifts formy son to open with his brother and sister...my dh and i open our gifts all with our son.
Do you two have joint
Do you two have joint finances?
My advice would be one communal pile for bills and each of you have an allowance. That's it. If you want to blow yours on godiva chocolate and gossip rags, fine. If he wants to blow his on SD, fine. But there is no more after that.
That way you have no reason to get upset about what he buys and he has no reason to call you selfish for not "letting him" buy her things.
I've thought of that before.
I've thought of that before. However, being that we have a 2 yo and another on the way who will both need college funding in the future and food on the table, and clothes, etc., I just can't bring myself to spend money on 'me' stuff. Little stuff, yes. I can do my own pedicures and sit in the whirlpool for a while to de-stress. But the attention has gone to providing for the 2 young ones now. And DH even agrees with me. The problem comes in when he gives it away to an ADULT who is working now and should be taking responsibility for herself instead of whining to her daddy about being broke all the time. We've all been there. We've worked through it when we were younger. We didn't die or starve. She lives at home with BM, so it's not like she'll be homeless if he doesn't help her. He just likes to be the hero instead of letting her grow up.