My story
Well, let's see. I became a mom at an early age and divorced at an early age. I met my current hubby after my divorce and we fell head over heels, but because he wanted children of his own, and I wasn't able to provide them, we parted so that he could pursue that dream. Well, as fate would have it,fifteen years later we bumped into each other again and we were both single. The DH at first didn't go into detail about his family life and I didn't ask many questions, but after a few months I began to notice some of the stuff that was going on in his life. It was then that he told me of his exgirlfriend (ss's mom) and how their relationship had ended and where it was at currently. I was enraged at what this person was doing to him and his child, and provided him with the name of an attorney that would help him in his endeavor to see his child and hopefully get joint custody with the ex.
Wow, to all the happened after that! I was suddently in the middle of a horrendous battle of this child that legally has ended but emotionally has not. We were married during the middle of this battle. We were accused of horrible things and mud was slung on both ends. In the end my DH got sole custody of his son. I am lucky that my oldest ss and I have a great relationship and he (and his bm) seemed to accept me with open arms. The youngest ss was not even two when dh and I got married so he probably doesn't remember a time without me in his life, but his bm to this day has not accepted me.
I struggle daily with how to effectively communicate with a person that is very angry and emotionally unstable. She is rude, nasty and belittles me and my position as a parent/stepparent daily. She has recently sent me emails that emphatically demonstrate that she is the biological mom and I will never have what she has with her son... I could copy but I won't.
I have never stated that I'm a better mom than this person, nor do I try to step up into the role of mom to my ss's, but when raising five total a mom is what I am and that will never change.
Does anyone have any experience to share... coping skills are needed and probably a way to communicate with someone that just doesn't see a big picture.
I love my ss's and I do consider them my children, but now I'm face with the thought that doing that may offend one of their moms... my oldest ss's mom gives me mothers day cards and is truly a wonderful person, but not sure how to deal with the other one.
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Comments
If at all possible, it is
If at all possible, it is best to ignore her and let hubby handle her. She will hate you.....just because.... And you can't logically rationalize with someone like that.
Good luck to you.
**my stepdaughters did not grow in my tummy, they grew in my heart**
She's scared: scared that SS
She's scared: scared that SS might grow to like you more (not love, but like). BM was livid that I shared things in common with her kids. Not once did I ever try to take her place; I was just trying to accept them and learn to love them. She didn't like hearing about the fun times we had, the places we went, the funny things I said.... If my name came up, I can only imagine what was said. One minute she was preaching that her kids could love me if they wanted to and the next minute she was pissed that they did acutally love me. This was almost 3yrs ago.
Somedays she's okay, somedays she's just as bad as before. I sent her an email one time thanking her for allowing the kids to be part of my life. Her response was something like this: you don't know me, I had no choice but to let my kids be a part of you, you ruined everything....
Not really the response I hoped to get.
Your SS's BM is probably intimidated by you. Sometimes we offer something that the BM can't and they'll be damned if their child has a bond with the SM.
To this day 2 of the 3 kids will not hug me goodbye or even acknowledge me during the drop off (even though they're all snuggly and loving during the weekend). It hurts, but I understand that it's b/c they walk on broken glass.
One time SD7 wrote "I love SM" on a picture that she drew and then erased SM and put BM.... she felt by loving me she was betraying BM.
My advice: don't ever expect her respect. You'll be let down every time and you'll be pissed off and frustrated. If she comes around, good. If not, so what. The only relationship that matter is yours with DH and SS. Don't respond to her emails if they're crappy. The only ones DH and I respond to are ones that are regarding a schedule change or an FYI notification. That's it. If it's emotionally driven, DELETE. We don't care BM... call your counselor or your neighbor and vent.
I know that it sucks, and I especially know how bad it sucks when kids hear false/negative things about you or DH and it's coming from BM's mouth. I have this theory that BM's teeth are gross due to the lies/BS that come out of her mouth.
"I aint no Carol Brady"
LOL on the teeth thing. I
LOL on the teeth thing. I almost say something like that too.
I think see is picking at
I think see is picking at you becuz she is jealous that you have the relationship you do with SS. She is the one that lost custody, she should be mad at herself.
I would delete her messages without reading them.
I think she is mad that she
I think she is mad that she lost DH and the ss to DH. I don't think that is how she planned this all to turn out. Long story behind Dh and her breakup too... I wasn't the cause, but she sure doesn't have a problem giving me the blame.