My third blog taken from Children of the Self-Absorbed by Nina Brown...

THE CONNIVING PARENT

"The conniving self-absorbed parent is always positioning herself to win, to come out on top, be superior to others, and make sure that all others understand just how they are inferior. This applies to almost all aspects of her life, including her children. This parent will lie, cheat, distort, and mislead in order to achieve her goals. Others are considered fair game for manipulation and exploitation, including her children. She can be adept at reading other's needs and emotional susceptibility and using these to manipulate and exploit them. Some effects on these parents' children as adults are a wariness and constant questioning of others' motives or a tendency to get into relationships where they are manipulated to do things they do not want to do or that aren't in their best interests.

Behaviors and Attitudes
manipulative
has to win at all costs
lies, cheats, misleads, and distorts
coercive, seductive
ingratiating to get what is wanted
takes advantage of others
is dismissive of others as inferior
vengeful
assumes that others are supposed to do what she wants them to do
always looks for the main chance, an edge, and the like"

This isn't really BM over here. She is manipulative, and has been known to "use" boyfriends in the past (besides my DH) but she feels she is "owed" that.... she isn't aware, I don't think that she is doing it...