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BM PISSED OFF....

NotsoHappyNewlywed's picture

Submitted by NotsoHappyNewlywed on Wed, 09/09/2009 - 12:45pm

As usual, and as you ALL already know, BM's will pull every trick out of their ass to run our DH's lives.
Last night, I get home from work and I hear DH yelling but I don't hear any yelling back so I immediately knew he was on the phone.
Apparently, BM wants to exchange the Nintendo DSi that DH gave SD9 for her birthday because SD9 wants a PINK one and we got her a black one.
So that has already constituted at least 10 calls. He told her he couldn't change it and that was that. The 2nd reason for the yelling was apparently BM had instructed DH to go pick up SD9 from my MIL's and take her to Ex MIL's house because BM was working late. She had also instructed DH to take SD9 food.
Now...DH and I live 35 miles away from BM and from each of our jobs.
DH works in one borough of NYC and BM lives in another. BM seems to think that because DH is in the same STATE while he is at work, that it is ON HIS WAY home to run errands for her. It is NOT on his way home and it actually takes him OUT OF HIS WAY home to run back and forth for BM. On top of that, if DH does for any reason go to run BM errands it would cause him to get home late, therefore he would be unable to take my BS to football practice on time.
I only heard his end of the convo and it went something like this: Don't put words in my mouth and don't tell her that I didn't want to go see her, I was working!! I did NOT tell you I was going to go see SD. I was busy at work and couldn't go over there!!!

The text she SENT him went something like this:
So now you wont p/u da fone! Ur so fucked up! You didn't go p/u da baby to drop her off at my moms and Im working late. You didn't even take her any food!

Thank God he didn't go because he and I would have gone at it. She says things like "go pass by your mothers to see your daughter, take her out to eat, and then bring her home." So it SOUNDS like she just wants him to spend time with the kid when in fact it's just a master plan to get him to play TAXI CAB!

Ugghhh I friggin DESPISE this witch!

Comments

Amazed's picture

Submitted by Amazed on Wed, 09/09/2009 - 12:57pm

Well good for DH for sticking his ground at least. BM is just flouncing around throwing her "power" around. I'd tell her she doesn't have a golden p***y so she can't stop running around like a bitch acting as though she's queen.

Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha

misfit's picture

Submitted by misfit on Wed, 09/09/2009 - 1:05pm

I'm not even sure what to say! What a demon.
It sounds like she has no decent communication skills. Do you think if she changed her way from "demanding" help to "asking" for help, you and DH would react differently? I'm really not used to reading about crazy BMs because, although each story is different, they are all pretty much off their flippin rockers, and I've only been reading for about a week.
NY is BIG. Going from downtown to uptown Manhattan on one subway without transfers takes over an hour.

Sending you good vibes, lady!

NotsoHappyNewlywed's picture

Submitted by NotsoHappyNewlywed on Wed, 09/09/2009 - 1:20pm

Try DRIVING from downtown to uptown. It will take you 2 hours!
See that is my problem. She doesn't ASK him. She TELLS him. She'll leave him messages like "The baby is at your moms, go check on her and go drop off the library books that she has."
She won't say "Hey, if you're not busy do you think maybe you could do me a huge favor and drop off some library books that SD has at your moms?"
No....She speaks to him as if she was his wife. And not even, because I NEVER speak to him that way. I ASK. "Hey babe, do you think you'll get home in time to drop off my BS at practice or should I leave work early?"
Last Friday he did go play taxicab and he erased the voicemail so I wouldn't hear it, but he left it in his deleted messages so I heard it anyway. It was exactly the same as always. "Go see your daughter, take her to eat and then take her to my mothers house because she has a lot of bags with her." Of course, like the pansy that he is, he did it.
I had to pretend I didn't know that BM had told him to go and instead I asked him "Why would you go over there in Friday Labor Day weekend traffic?" He said "Oh I promised SD I would go see her so I took her to Mcdonalds then I dropped her off at her grandmother's. I totally forgot it was Labor Day weekend and when I remembered I hurried up and left."
Ugghhhh.....

now4teens's picture

Submitted by now4teens on Wed, 09/09/2009 - 1:37pm

Am I missing something here?
Do you see what BM is doing?
SD is NINE YEARS OLD, yet BM conveniently refers to her as a BABY.

Can you say MASTER MANIPULATOR???

She's not a BABY anymore who needs all her needs met immediately. And YOUR DH is NOT HER SLAVE.

He needs YOUR HELP in putting this woman in her place. Stick to the custody agreement AT ALL COSTS. IF it BMs day, then BM needs to handle it. And it should be of no concern to you or your DH HOW she does it- friends, family, etc. can get SD9 where she needs to be. Or run her frickin errands for her.

And DH needs to grow a pair and STOP being her errand boy.
Enough already.

My DH used to be guilty of this. BM would "demand" things "for the kids" and DH would jump. Oh, that got OLD REAL FAST for me. Finally I made him understand that when the kids are with HER, SHE is the one who needs to take RESPONSIBILITY and be a PARENT.

When the kids are with us, we will do the same.

And no more catrering to her DEMANDS any more.

Finally, the little lightbulb over his head went off, we stick to that custody schedule like "flies on shit", and now BM is met is met with a word she doesn't much like to hear from DH any time she wants something from him..."NO"

And I couldn't be prouder!

"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"

NotsoHappyNewlywed's picture

Submitted by NotsoHappyNewlywed on Wed, 09/09/2009 - 1:46pm

That is how she refers to her! And many times so does he!!!
He'll say things like "I have to go see my baby."
And ALL her messages are "The baby this and the baby that."
Girl, I have already had it out with him 100 million times over this nonsense.
The last argument we had over this was so major that I started looking at houses so I could leave!
A part of me has completely given up on making him understand that all he is doing is letting this woman manipulate his life. The other part of me is ready to strangle him.
It's soooo frustrating.

Amazed's picture

Submitted by Amazed on Wed, 09/09/2009 - 1:55pm

I'd be super twiggy thin if I lived in your house because I'd be throwing up everytime I heard about "THE BABY!" It is just THAT sickening.

Now with that said...I DO sometimes refer to my son as babyboy but only in a teasing type of way because he thinks he's grown at 7 years old. But to do it all the time in an affectionate or manipulative way? NO WAY!!

Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha

Wicked.Step.Monster's picture

Submitted by Wicked.Step.Monster on Wed, 09/09/2009 - 2:26pm

:barf: to just 'say' it? I don't get that at all!! I call perfectson17 babyboy and baby-talk him when we're playing and stuff but to do it for real? Uhhh... no way! That's just... wrong!

now4teens's picture

Submitted by now4teens on Wed, 09/09/2009 - 2:02pm

"A part of me has completely given up on making him understand that all he is doing is letting this woman manipulate his life."

Unfortunately you KNOW, deep in your heart, that until HE sees it, things are NEVER really going to change.

You can scream at him all you want. You can threaten to leave. (Maybe that's the 'wake-up' call he needs, who knows?)

But until HE GETS IT on HIS terms, it's never going to really change. And that's the truly sad thing about all of it.

DH and I used to have knock-down, drag-out battles over this. Over his "jumping" everytime the POS BM called. Over his playing "Guilt-daddy" to the girls.

We even went to a "Parenting Coach". Man, she was no-nonsense. And EXPENSIVE. But she was GOOD. She told us (ok, we really went for HIM) how to stop the guilt-parenting, to set firm rules and boundaries for both the kids and even the BM. And enforce consequnces when the rules were broken.

DH nodded his head in the office. "Ok," I thought, "he's getting it."

But then when we got home, we might as well have flushed that money down the toilet, because he couldn't bring himself to IMPLEMENT her plans.

Finally, after SHE wanted to smack him in the head with a 2x4 during one of our sessions and I stormed out because he was being...well...a dumba$$, he FINALLY "got it".

And we've been working together as a team ever since. Her plan in is place, and rules, boundaries, and consequences are in effect with the kids AND BM.

And our lives are much more peaceful.

So keep on your DH- he could eventually reach his "lightbulb" moment.

Or go to "Home Depot" and buy yourself your OWN 2x4! Maybe you can knock some sense into him sooner!

"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"

Hanny's picture

Submitted by Hanny on Wed, 09/09/2009 - 2:02pm

thing is that they are not only running DH's life...they are running OURS>

stepmom2one's picture

Submitted by stepmom2one on Wed, 09/09/2009 - 6:39pm

Exactly

StepMadre's picture

Submitted by StepMadre on Sat, 09/26/2009 - 1:18pm

Why is DH doing anything for BM?! Things should be kept separate or else BM will push you guys to the limit. You guys seriously need to set some boundaries with her. I think you should have a clear custody schedule that you stick to so that she doesn't try to mess with you. If everything is clear cut and you keep your care of the kids separate. We had this problem at first because BM has no boundaries and she tried to get us to do things that were her responsibility. Now we have a set schedule and have made it very clear to her that when we have the kids, we take care of all their needs and when she has the kids, she takes care of their needs (well, she sucks at it, but hypothetically that's the idea). If you don't set clear boundaries and stick to them without exception, she will end up running your life and she will push as far as she can go. Our BM would probably try to move in with us and use our car, money, resources etc... if we let her. Our BM has Borderline personality disorder and she will go as far as we let her in regards to trying to use us for favors. We have a no favor policy and stick to our plan and she just has no choice but to respect the boundary. We went from having her making the skids cry every day by using them as a go between to get favors from us (for stuff that was absolutely HER responsibility) and throwing temper tantrums when we refused to cater to her whims to making it so that she has no choice but to take care of her own obligations. Because we stuck to our guns and never gave in with her, she eventually gave up. You have to be firm and not give in, and it's really hard at first because initially when we refused to do what she wanted she completely lost it and it was tempting (especially for H) to just give in to her to get her to stop, but we stuck with it and after a couple of months of getting no reaction and no help from us, she just gave up.

I hope you are able to figure out a solution because this just sounds hellish. Good luck with it and keep us posted!

"The truth shall set you free." ~John 8:32