New here and really need advice!
Most of story on my previous post. I am seriously at my wits end...until a month ago? I was "Mom2", we would shop together, she talked to me...Now? I am the cause of everything! I am the reason dad grounds her, I am the reason she has to clean up after herself, I am the reason...I am a bitch, I am bossy, I am just evil.
My son has been gone for 3 years now and I have only recently sold my house and came to live here (in May)...I am really wondering if I am ready for this...my child did not act this way at all. I am justj about to tears...
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oh I'm sorry. She must be
oh I'm sorry. She must be going through a tough time, us SMs are often the scapegoat. I get blamed for everything too, then the next month I am SDs BFF.... it is hard, I'm sure she will come around.
It's only been this past
It's only been this past month...ever since she met this 21 yr old piece of crap that has been in trouble for beating his ex-girlfriend! Now tonight, dad is telling her "fine...move in with your mom. But the car and the phone stay with me". THAT'S gonna go over like a ton of bricks!
Well maybe she will change
Well maybe she will change her mind then. She can't pick and choose what she wants. Have you thought about taking those items away till she shows more respect?
Dad is giving her the
Dad is giving her the option...either start following the rules in THIS house and be more respectful or....go live with mom without the phone and the car. Gosh...I dread this night....
Dad is right on this one....
Don't dread it...stand right next to him in solidarity and let her go....I doubt she will, but if that is her choice, then that is the lifestyle she is choosing....she knows what she has to loose....he is doing exactly the right thing scape!!!!
"You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"
Listen to Lotus
At least you have a DH who is giving her FIRM BOUNDARIES and CONSEQUENCES- that's a RARE thing that happens around here, so count your blessings
She may very well chosse to live with her BM. And yes, you AND your DH will be heartbroken. But it is HER CHOICE. And good parenting is extremely difficult.
When my DH FINALLY decided to use a firm hand with his out-of-control SD17, she first went ballistic. But DH stayed calm. He said, "If you choose to stay here, you WILL abide by these rules. Period. No ifs, and, buts, or discussions."
She chose to live at her BMs. DH said, "Then it is YOUR CHOICE. But your cell phone, car, computer, and everything I bought you stay here. You may take your things for school and that is it."
Curse words and nasty, horrible things by SD17 were spoken as she left. Hurtful, awful things to him and me.
And guess what? Three days later, she was calling to apologize, asking to come home, with her tail between her legs. DH said 'no', he needed to think about it for a little while first- he was too hurt right now and they would talk over the weekend, and SD17 needed to think about it seriously as well.
By the following weekend she was back and KNEW that "Daddy wasn't playing any more."
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
im sorry.
yeah. that can't be fun. i'm sorry.
Wonder.Woman
im sorry.
yeah. that can't be fun. i'm sorry.
Wonder.Woman
sweetie.....dry yur tears....
take a DEEP breath and re-claim yur position as woman of that house....she respected u BEFORE the bf, cuz u and DH were all she had ...now that this "guy" has made her feel that she doesn't need either of u, she is acting all big and bad, cuz she thinks she can "always go live with him" ....like I said in my other post,,,knock her down a peg and let her know if she is not going to respect yur house rules...yes YOU are the lady of that house...then she will have to live with BM...and of course,,,lose everything that goes along with that....if DH agrees...great, if he does not, then u may have to re-think yur role in that situation ....trust me,,,,it CAN be done...I dug in my heels and fought...but I did have a very supportive DH, which is key to success, imo, anyway....I wish u the best!!!!! let this little girl who "thinks" she is a woman know who is the REAL woman in that house.
"You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"
you have it better than most...
it's really difficult but at least the guy is putting this teenager in her rightful place! imagine if he didn't, and only you were trying to call the shots without his backing! that is what most people face on this site...sure it's rough but count your blessings you have that.
Update
ok...Dad gave her the option, and believe it or not, she chose to live with BM...without her phone or her car! I could not believe there was no screaming! There were tears on her side...but both Dad and I held firm...till she left of course. It's been 3 days today and we have heard nothing from her. I want to go to her job tonight to see how she is doing, but I think it best that I don't. I was very proud of dad...I think it was the hardest thing he ever had to do, but he stuck to his guns. I have to admit, much quieter and a lot less stressful around here! I am praying she sees the light and comes home soon...bringing her "old" self with her...I do miss the "old" SD...
Hang in there!
She may stay with BM for a while. But in time, the "honeymoon" period may wear off and she may come home.
Or not.
And I know you don't want to hear that, but after all, she IS 17. She is her own person. You and your DH presumably taught her all the lessons of life and how to be a good person, correct?
Now, she is CHOOSING. SHE is deciding for herself the kind of person she wants to be. And it may not be who you WANT HER to be.
And that is exactly why parenting is THE HARDEST job in the world. Filled with more highs and lows than anyone could ever imagine.
It sucks. But keep the faith!
(((HUGS)))
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"