3 yrs of hell...and I'm done!!
First off, I'm new and am glad I found this site. So, I apologize in advance if this is long, but I guess we are all here to vent.
I have been married for 3 yrs and 2 months. My SD8 aka LUCY (short for lucifer) has lived with us for 3 1/2 yrs. We got custody after she was removed from her mothers care. My husband (sorry, I haven't caught on to abbreviations yet) had only seen her a handful of times in her short 4 1/2 yrs. It was fine and fun at first, until the newness wore off. Keep in mind, no paternity test ever done and he just said yes, she's mine. In court, they had to test 4 men for the mothers oldest child, this raised qustions for me. But, I was told I'm just the Sm and hubby had to request it, he didn't.
He worked oilfields and was never home. Arrangements were she lives with us, and visits BM every other weekend in her city. Lucy started yelling at me, and being very disrespectful. My BD now ages 18 and 11, seen the way she treated me right away. Hubby said it'll take time, we have to be patient. Problem is she never acted this was with him. Anyhow, during several of her fits, I'd videotape or record on cell phone so that he could hear. He would always talk to her and that was it.
During this time, she has sexually assaulted my nephew who, is 2yrs younger than her. That happened 3 yrs ago and I'm very angry. My nephew now lives out of state and is in counsleing. My hubby took SD to counseler(he claims) but they didn't schedule future visits. I'm angry with Lucy for ruining my nephew. I've constantly bugged my hubby for DNA test and he refuses.
We are now 20 weeks pregnant with my 3rd BD and am sooo excited. Lucy cried when she heard the news. When she went to her moms this summer, she told her and her mom called hubby and was questioning this. He told her it's none of her business.
Problem is...I'm demanding a paternity test and am paying for it with MY money. Hubby has not been working for 8 months and I'm at the end of my rope. I feel I can't continue to support him and lucy. We get no child support for her as BM is on welfare and can't pay. I asked him all summer to bring her home and get it over with. He never did. She returned on Sunday for school and I suffered an panic attack, hyperventilated. I sat in my car with AC full blast to catch my breath. I have recently seen a therapist, as my OB Dr. is concerned with my excessive crying. I'm not happy with home life at all.
Prior to us getting her, our life was perfect. My hubbys response to everything is get over it, you're the adult. I've tried everything!! BM doesn't speak to me because I posted on myspace about how I live for summers and every other weekend. She felt that was out of line and that she didn't like the was I was referreing to her daughter. She told me she'd file for custody and I told her great, she needed to. She never did, that was 3 months ago.
Well, I guess for my first post, this is a bit long but am thankful for this site.
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Comments
We are supposed to get
We are supposed to get paternity test next Tuesday and she goes to her BM next Friday. IF she's not his, she can stay. If she is, I have now clue as to what I'm going to do...
SM2Lucifer
Take a deep breath, honey and pray for the peace you deserve. Let God handle this and concentrate on that beautiful little girl growing inside you and your older dauhgters. Write Lucifer off like yesterday's garbage until you can handle it. Disengage and know that everyone here on StepTalk gets "it" and you can vent here. Hugs!
GET AN OVER THE COUNTER PATERNITY TEST!!!
You can buy paternity tests at Walgreens, Rite-Aide and all of those type shops!! They are like $30 bucks, and then you pay like 150 bucks for the lab to process it. The results cannot be used in a court of law, but they would let you know if it was WORTH YOUR TIME AND MONEY to pursue it in the courts!!
Thanks guys. We are going
Thanks guys. We are going to do the paternity testing at a lab, so that it will be able to hold up in court. Even though the OTC test are 1/2 cheaper, I want her out ASAP and OTC doesn't protect us with child support concerns. Hopefully, end of next week, I'll have results while she's at her BM and then she can just stay there and I'll mail them a copy. That way, when she adds her to her welfare case, we aren't relaible for child support.
Dorothy-I've been looking
Dorothy-I've been looking into that. Do you happen to know what CA law says. Lucy is 8 and has been with us for 3 1/2 yrs. At this point, I'd almost rather pay child support than deal with her. Especially for the safety of my new baby.
wow!
i know that in nc, it doesnt matter if your filing for disability, on welfare, or whatever, if you dont have custody of BD (bc you said her mom does not)you can file child support! its her responsabilty to come up with the child support to care for her child.
as for the other stuff im so sorry you nephew had to go through that. and i dont blame you for wanting to get her out of your home. if there are these kind of issues its your responsabilty to protect your baby. im totally with you... im also pregnant, 23wks. and if i was in your shoes i would do everything to get the kid out and if i couldnt there would be NO WAY i could stay in the house.
"parents who are afraid to put thier foot down usually have children who step on their toes" ~chinese proverb~
Ok.
First thing first. You need to think about your baby and stop stressing out over this kid. I'm 21 weeks pregnant, so I can understand the stress you're under anyways without all this going on. High blood pressure is extremely dangerous for you and that baby. I know it's easier said then done, but you really do need to take a step back and take care of your child. That's the most important thing. You can't change what is happening, and NOTHING, not even a child, is worth harming you and your baby.
I also have to see a therapist because BM is just a lunatic. I was having such a hard time dealing with her and the stress that I had to see someone about it. I'm glad you are seeing someone too and I hope they help.
It's a horrible situation you're in, and I'm sorry you have to go through it. This SD of yours sounds like she has some serious mental issues and needs to see a counselor herself. I would demand that DH make that happen if it turns out she's his. If BM is on welfare, they will pay for a thrapist.
Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Not nice...but we've all been there in one way or another. I'm glad you found this site, it's full of great info and people that understand.
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." ~Robert Frost
Get the paternity test. AND
Get the paternity test.
AND file for CS.
If the results say it's not your H's child, AND you file for CS from BM, she may just respond by suddenly wanting custody of a child that's not "his" anyway.
My experience is most BMs avoid CS come hell or high water.
Though I will warn you...ours didn't. However there's no chance SD is not DH's child so paternity is irrelevant for us. But in the beginning of our custody case, BM talked a big talk about suing DH for FC, claiming he was suing for it just because he didn't want to pay her. She held on to joint parenting so she could keep collecting off of him. It's obvious money and control were her only motives since once we got FC and she had to pay, she stopped taking SD at ALL. Just canceled again for this TH. "Out of town again."
Last time out of town was a nursing gig an hour from her house.
Hang in there hon, hopefully something will improve here for you soon.
Thank all of you guys so
Thank all of you guys so very much. It helps to see how other people weigh in. Well, I have disengaged from any activites with Lucy. I plan on doing this until we get tests and results and then we will go from there. IF she is not DH, I am sending her home. Her BM needs to find her BD. IF she is DH's then, I really don't care if we have to pay child support, I'd still like her gone. So, I guess it will be a waiting game for me.
I really feel like, decisions will be made by me once I get results in.
ill help
You pay for CP if it gets that lil demon out of "your" house and life.
P.s.
IM NOT JOKING!!!
ill help
You pay for CP if it gets that lil demon out of "your" house and life.
P.s.
IM NOT JOKING!!!