I completely agree and can relate. My SD18 is clearly a bright girl but has never done well in school ever since I have known her. Her mom told SD and the school SD had a learning disability so should not be expected to do homework or assignments. She couldn't read when she was 11 years old!

Testing for this disability showed, there is no disability. That's why BM hates me, because I encouraged DH to get involved, for his child, and she has done better since then, but still many Fs and Ds.

SD would have flunked elementary school if she hadn't gone to summer school several times! To me that is just crazy and like you say, leaves them very vulnerable to life's mishaps and not privy to its privileges.

What does your DH say about it? What does the BM say? But of course, like you, I felt it was my moral duty to say something, and it is - IMO!! Now my 'learning disabled' SD is a big reader at least, thank God!

If you can get your SS to join the military it could really help him, but was someone saying now they will not accept a GED certificate? hugs honey
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Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.

William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2

My SD had to go to summer school to graduate HS--last minute crisis with the English class.

SS flunked 8th grade twice. Before that (and when DH was living with them) he was a pretty good student. BM couldn't get him out of bed so he was truant and ended up in court (child in need of services). He flunked almost all his classes--despite assurances from BM that he was "doing better." He was out and about at all hours partying, having friends over to party while his mom worked or was out herself.

Finally, after the 2nd flunk and when things were really bad at the JH/HS (he also was suspended frequently for his attitude), BM put him in the charter school where DH had wanted him to go after the first time. He is almost up to grade level now for his age (11th).

DH's hands were tied -- we lived 40 miles away and now, 1000 miles away. DH wanted him to live with us but he couldn't leave "his friends." BM is as dumb as a post and not a parent. No enforcement of homework, bedtimes, getting up, etc. She also cut him out of the loop on everything, for example, DH found out SS was arrested for pot 5 months after the fact, when he called the court about the truant date.

I have not figured out if she was afraid of being considered a bad mother, was rebelling against "Daddy" (my DH), or she is just plain stupid.
They never ask for help or input until the cops or hospitals are involved.

I would rather be hated for who I am, then loved for who I am not.

is directly related to one's own education, however, our situation would prove that statement to be false. I say this because our bm has a degree in english, she is a middle school teacher and yet ss8 has failed reading and writing 2 years in a row now. When we ask if bm ( who has primary custody) reads with him, goes over his spelling homework with him, or has sought out any type of tutoring for him, ss responds that bm usually goes straight to bed after school because she is soooo tired. Bm is an educator, and yet she will not take any responsibility with her own child. It places dh and I in between a rock and a hard place as we can only do so much when we have ss,(which is only in the summer and holiday's) and over the phone. To communicate any of these concerns with bm just puts her one the defensive, and it becomes all about her.. she becomes angry and takes the stand of hard it is to be a single mother, ( she is the typical narcissistic personality) that she has to struggle, ect. Dh and I would take sole custody of ss tommorrow, if we thought for one second we could convince the courts that placement with bm is detrimental to ss. The problem is that being a narcissist, bm can and does make everyone think she has her shiot together, that she is the most wonderful person and mother. It disgusts dh and I, as we are very involved in bioson13 and his education. Unfortunately, for us, until bm truly does something we can show the courts as obvious neglect, we are stuck with the way things are.

Your story could have been mine.....so similar its eerie...anyway...After YEARS of trying to figure out BMs like this...I have come to this conclusion....when u are not happy with yurself, for whatever reason, low self esteem, mental illness,,,etc.......u will do whatever u need to do to make yurself happy, be it drugs, alcohol, man after man....and at some point,,,,,you become the priority not the children....its so sad...but I truly believe that at some point these women make a decision that its all about THEIR happiness...problem is,,,they r ruining their kids in the process, unless someone, either bioDad or a really cool SM comes along to rescue them....
:), JMO

"You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"