I knew it was hard on BM when SD5 "Scooty" really started to like me and would tell BM she was excited to get to see me. But what finally pushed her over the edge was Scooty wanting to be like me. I have black and hot pink hair. I guess BM and Scooty were out shopping one day and BM told Scooty she could pick out one toy/thing. Well she chose these silly little Cheetah Girl colored hair extensions, and she told BM she wanted the pink ones so she could be like Luckykell. Of course I thought that was the cutest thing, and it did give me that warm fuzzy feeling. But this pushed BM WAAAAAY over the edge! But seriously...she's 5...pink hair is cool at that age! }:)

"Live well, Love much, Laugh often."

She was just use to DH doing whatever she wanted in order to see SS because at the time they didn't have a court order in place for visitation. She'd have him take all her kids (4 in total) and she'd do things like call him to fix her car, help her move, take the kids to school because she didn't want to walk them to the bus stop, she even had him watch her kids while she was giving birth to her last one.

Well when DH and I started dating I put a stop to that and made him put up boundaries and that just didn't work for her and of course she knew he was doing it because he was with me.

One time she text me at 3 in the morning and told me that I didn't deserve DH, I told her "you're right I don't deserve DH, I deserve better peferably one that doesn't have a crazy ex that has nothing better to do then to text me at 3 in the morning so if it is alright with you I'm going back to bed with my man"

I was born.

Seriously, it was starting a relationship with a man she thought to be her property. Regardless of the fact that they had been emotionally divorced for five years, regardless of the fact that she cheated on him and caused the emotional divorce, regardless of the fact that they didn't sleep in the same room for five years, regardless of everything she felt that she "owned" him. Although we didn't have a physical relationship until 6 months after the divorce, it didn't matter. Just the thought that he met me, then decided to divorce her is what made her hate me.

It's a much bigger story than most realize, mainly because I've never told it here. Regardless, the answer is that she hates me because she feels I took her posession, when in reality, he wasn't hers since she decided to open her legs to another.

~all you need is Faith, Trust, and a little bit of Pixie Dust...and sometimes a machine gun~

but id bet a million dollars that it was something ss4 said to her. She flipped out periodically always since i came in to the picture, but.... she is a very insecure pathetic person, and im willing to bet that ss4 said something about loving me, or bragged about something i did for him and she instantly felt i was taking her son from her and declared war right then and there....but it also could have been initiated by my mil that god awful horrible witch, she would do something like that to try and play us against each other so she would have at least one side to get what she wants.

~all you need is Faith, Trust, and a little bit of Pixie Dust...and sometimes a machine gun~

I think it was the first time she realized I breathe in and out all day.

Yep, that was it.

It was when my DH (FH at the time) sent her a very nice letter saying he wanted to decrease his child support payments because he was getting married in a few months and wanted to start a new life. He had been paying her way too much for years because she was such a flake and covering for her ass with the skids. He took care of them and did everything. (A year later, we took her to court and she ended up oweing us $320 a month)

She became enraged and called him and said "He already had a family." Apparently she was hurt that he wanted to move on after 15 years. He basically let her know he was glad she was doing well and wasn't going to keep covering her butt unfairly. She turned her venom on me after that coming up with ridiculous things that made her mad.

Like I looked at her funny. I didn't invite her to my wedding, etc. WTF?

She even admitted that "the trouble started when he sent that letter." Bottom line, she was using his butt and she was angry he felt he'd done more than enough and wanted his own life. Although that anger came straight at me.

Nice, eh?

"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"

So she either hates me or loves me.

Some days I am painted up as the best thing ever and others as the worst.

So when I trigger a reaction in her it's either end of the spectrum. I am not special and it wouldn't matter who I was. She treats me like she treats every single other person in her life.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

That just happened to be 10 years after hers! ha!

Yes I can.

My son was 6 months old and I had just started a job at night--which I scheduled during the nights SD was over Tues and Thurs. BM and I had gotten along really well before this.

Then SD forgot a towel at our home, a teddy bear towel. When she came over on Thur my H was folding the towel (after washing) and SD says "that is from my BMs." my H says "well I have to ask SM first, if that is right I will send the towel to you BMs." He said this becuz SD often lies.

BM calls the next day and says " That towel is MINE! Send it back on Thursday, SD told me that SM said it was her BSs and it is MINE."

Well for one thing I never said that, nor did my H. In fact I didn't even see SD that night. When I got home my H asked me if the towel was BSs and I said "no it must belong to BMs house."

But my H just hung up on BM while she was ranting and returned the towel on the next visit. I told my H to call her and let her know what had happened...he never did. From that point, about 3 years ago, til about 2 months ago BM and I never spoke. SD continued to tell her lies and BM kept believing her. My H tried to tell the truth for the last couple of years but BM refused to listen...claiming I was the liar.

For the last few months BM and I have started talking. Not talking about random things, not friends, but talking about things SD needs. I have had a lot of resentment towards her and SD becuz of this but I can move forward for the better of my family.

DH says she hates me because I make him happy. He said BM is such a control freak and she was able to control him for years until he left her. She was still able to control him b/c he's old fashioned - she's the mother...she gets custodial rights. So she calls the shots. ...then he meets me. She can't control me so I am a threat to her equilibrium.

There was no one event. She hated me from the start for being here.

personally met me. She always treated DH poorly - but when she met me she started in with accusations of abuse the very next week. It was dang crazy. When i sat down an met her in June - she decided to take it to a new level and an even worse level around the holidays last year.

So i guess it is just my existence that pisses her off...for whatever reason.

She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!

Because I'm not stupid... like her.

OldTimer
"Knowledge is often mistaken for intelligence. This is like mistaking a cup of milk for a cow."

As soon as she realized that I was moving in with DH. Then she met me and I look so much better than her. She got to hate me even further when she realized I would not put up with her sh*t and helped DH stand up for himself and put her in her place (in the gutter where you belong, Chewie!!).

She's one of those controlling women. Can't stand that I'm a good mother and that her kids like me despite her telling them I'm a bitch all the time.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." ~Robert Frost

But BM hates me because I am younger than her... prettier than her... smarter than her... I'm making something out of myself (if you guys could have seen the look on her face when DH proudly announced that I'm going to be a doctor)...

oh, and the fact that I'm taking Blabb to disney world next summer after BM promised to take her for the past three years.

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

A little history.

I divorced (actually my XW left me for her geriatric Fortune 500 executive Sugar Daddy who she met while giving sponge baths during her post-op rotation in nursing school that I supported her through), sold my business and went back to school full time to finish my engineering degree when I was 26yo.

I noticed my Wife when she started school her first semester or college out of High School during my last semester of my 11yr plan. When she walked in to the campus coffee shop in her short sun dress with her loooooooooooonnnnnnnnggggggg legs, 6' tall 38"-26"-36" Vicky's underwear model hottie body self happily bantering with the rest of the fresh crop of freshman young women. I was sitting at a table with my buddies doing a final review for a control systems theory test. I commented "there is a hot one".

A few weeks later I went to the Grad Placement center to interview for a job with a Silicon Valley tech company and she was sitting in the waiting room researching a class assignment using the Grad Placement company data base. She was sitting with her legs stretched out across the room taking notes and talking to one of her class mates. I stepped over her legs (I still give her crap about trying to trip me) and sat down across the room from her. She was venting about how BioDad had once again failed to get off of the airplane he claimed to be on to come visit she and her Son and how done with him she was. When there was a lull in the conversation I said "In that case how about going to dinner with me?".

I was called in to my interview at that point and did not have time to close on dinner. When I came out of the interview a few hours later she had left a message for me with the secretary with her name and telephone # and a note saying "Call me, I will do dinner".

I called, we went to dinner and we pretty much have been together since. I was 29, she was 18 and her (our) son was 15mos old. I graduated a few months later and went on to restart my career. I thought our relationship would fade after I graduated and moved out of state. How wrong I was. For 6mos my lowest phone bill was $650.00.

After 6mos I called her told her "I can't afford to talk to you anymore so you are going to have to marry me"(romantic proposal huh? ), asked her if she had started classes and if she had opened her books yet. She had started class that morning to begin her Sophomore year of college. I told her to withdraw, get her tuition and book money back, pack her stuff, that I was sending my Mom to help, and that she and the Kid were joining me in California. She, my Mom and the Kid got off the plane in San Jose a week later, we left for Tahoe the next Sat and got married.

Since then between us we have completed a BS, Two MBAs, two professional certifications, bought and sold several houses and raised a pretty good kid who is now making us proud on a daily basis as he starts his Senior year of HS at Military School. All while BioDad has whelped three more out of wedlock spawn by two different mothers and abandoned those three children to be raised by SpermGrandMa.

Yep, I pissed BioDad off the day I asked my beautiful Wife out to dinner and have made it my primary entertainment to piss him off as much as possible every day since. By making my wife and son happy and living the best life we can together.

Nov 17 1994 about 1:00 in the afternoon. Nearly the exact time I pissed off BioDad.

His loss, my infinite joy. IDIOT that he is.

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

BM attacked the car window and tried pulling the door open...Im like are you serious we are 30 years old and you want to fight me in the middle of the street. Oh forgot to mention at the time she was wanting "to put her family back together". No DH and I were not having an affair...I came along a year after they split and she was newly "married" (same sex marriage but was regretting).

I was awarded a temp. order and decided to not pursue it any further "for the sake of the kids"...BIG BIG MISTAKE.

A year later she again attempted to "fight" me in the middle of the street but went overboard when she began beating on the car window where my BS11 was sitting...DH had to drive away because that time I wasn't going to put up with that.

I was awarded a temp order but when we went to court to have it extended the judge wouldn't place an order that would conflict with their custody order...gave her a "stern warning" o what ever.

BM and I have not seen/talked to each other for the past year and 6 months...yes I keep track. I had to block her from all my email accounts, facebook, myspace, cell phone. She has created new accounts to try to send me emails and such but I dont even bother reading them I just delete the message and block the new account.

Yeah so pretty much she doesn't like me because in her distorted world i am the reason "her family" isn't together anymore....forget the fact she cheated on DH with her now ex-wife (go figure she cheated on her as well).

I would rather be hated for who I am, then loved for who I am not.

that would not put up with her shiot, buy into her lies, allow her controlling behavior, and when threatened, I filed stalking and harrassment charges agiants her. From that point on, bm has not wanted to hear my voice, or see me. DH and I took Bm back to court this past March. DH's family was present. This was the first time in 5 years that most of his family had even set eyes on bm. Bm of course would stare them all down, believing she was intimidating them. What dh's family found humerous was when I was called into the court room,( I was a witness for dh) bm dropped her head and stared at the table the entire time I was in the court room. She could'nt even look at me. BTW, my story before hand is almost exactly like SMJ's, so this woman hated me from the get-go. When I came into the picture, her ability to manipulate dh went right out the window.

Dh and BM were not longer "together" but still in the same home as he would have the kids when she left and she would have them when he left. They weren't in the home at the same time. I think the reason she hates me so much is DH had been married for under a year to a woman when he was in the marines. She cheated on him, he was NEVER going to get married again. Despite BM's wanting him to marry her after 3 years and 2 kids, he still wouldn't marry her, he didn't love her, he couldn't stand her. He stayed in the situation for as long as he did for the kids. Then I came along and after 4 months of knowing each other, we got married. What a blow to her. Oh, well, we have been happiliy married for 9 years now and she has forced yet another man into a relationship and even marriage by getting knocked up. How pathetic. She also knows how much ss's love me and that I am a better "mother" and wife.

Making the decision to have a child is momentous~ It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside of your body~

I am 7 yrs younger, I am 40 lbs lighter, and her kids love me. She even tried to explain to the judge once, that I was too young to handle to four kids (2 bios and 2 skids) and I am 27! She also made sure to tell the judge that DH was 13 yrs older than me. It was really pathetic. The judge just said "let me know when you have a legitimate complaint, one that the court can address, I cannot change her age...in fact it really has nothing to do with this..!"

"God grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change; the strength to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."

made her hate me.

Then she hated me more when we got married.

And then more when we had a baby.

And then more when her kids started calling me mama because she is a crappy mother.....

I'm sure she'll hate me even more next year for some reason or another...OH YEAH! Because I'm pregnant again. LOL!

Having a baby does not make you a mother.

swears she likes me and swears she never says anything negative about me to snowshyte. DH is naive enough to believe her..I'm smarter than that. We really don't interact so I just deal with her bullshit through DH. I'd rather just grab the bitch by the horns and be like, "sit the f*ck down...shut the f*ck up and listen up sweetheart!!"

I know why she could hate me and be bitter and it's perfectly justified. But she's too phony to just be honest...she'd rather passive aggressively poison snowshyte.

The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children. ~Edward, Duke of Windsor, Look, 5 March 1957

Yeah, I would have to say that it was when we stopped letting BM use us as constant baby-sitters. It was shortly after we moved in together, and I got tired of us never having a week to ourselves. BM was always calling & asking if we could watch the kids for her or switch schedules around (which always benefited her, of course!). Finally, my husband started saying NO. It took BM MONTHS to get the picture. She kept calling, "Oh, I have a concert to go to such & such a weekend, can you take the girls?", "I'm going on a trip such & such a week, can we switch the schedule so you have the girls then?". My husband just kept saying NO. BM still went to her concerts & on her trips, always finding some idiot to watch the kids for her. Though, it must have been tough because within a few months BM's mom & stepfather moved nearby (from several states away). Now they baby-sit for BM all the time. Hmmm...

After this, BM's behavior towards us got increasingly insane. She refused to provide for former SD11, completely expecting us to supply everything for her. Ummm...she's not even my husband's kid! BM was lucky we even had her 50/50 along with SD8. (Who else would have done this?!) BM gets $300 a month child support from former SD11's father & we never saw a penny of it, yet BM expected US to provide for the kid? Huh?! This woman was living in a dream world. Eventually, BM & I had it out on the phone. Then she REALLY hated me because I called her out on a few things. BM does not like being confronted with logic & truth...she didn't want to know that I saw what she was doing & saw through her. BM was stewing for a while over this & that's when the PAS'ing started. I immediately noticed a difference in former SD11 & how she looked at me & treated me. So once the damage had been done, BM tried to "befriend" me as a cover-up. That lasted a few months. Then BM started acting up again. So I sent her an email about something (a nice, but stern one) & she blew up at me. It was obvious that she had been holding in anger for a long time. So that was it. I blocked her email & rarely pick up the phone when she calls. It's been a year now. There was an incident last winter where BM was constantly calling my husband on our time without the kids. I got tired of it, so I answered the phone & tried to talk to her. She hung up on me! She then left a nasty voicemail message, saying how she doesn't have to deal with me. After talking to my husband about it, I left her a voicemail message with my parents' phone number in case of emergency & then turned off the ringer. BM then put one of the kids up to calling & leaving a message. So very sad!

BM also hates me because I do things she refuses to do (cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, etc.). I know the kids point this stuff out to BM & she can't stand it. Other things on the list: I have an amazing family & we all get along well, my husband & I are perfect for each other, I've helped pull him out of financial hell, we got married without me being knocked up as the reason, we bought a house together & now we're having our first child together. I'm sure this makes BM insanely jealous!

Well, I think she hated me before she even knew I existed. I say this because she is just miserable to the core and always has been. Her disdain for me does not come from me being with "her husband" it has to do with me being happy and her not being happy.

It took a long time for me to understand that is has nothing to do with me. Although, my ego does like to think it has something to do with DH being married to me and not her.

Because DH is 100% happier with me that he ever was with her. Because she never has stable employment, because she cannot afford her own home (because she 'blew' the substantial money my DH gave to her in the divorce), because she is plain and boring and not very bright. Because I have a good job, DH and I are financially secure, I am smarter, I am prettier, do I need I go on

A Step parent is in a no win role