It's been a couple of weeks since I've written. Short version....been with DH for 4 yrs. I have 2 sons, both grown and on their own. He unfortunately felt his biological clock ticking in his late 30's has 2 sons that he has custody of SS14 and SS9. SS14...BAD NEWS, manipulative, violent, pulls doors off hinges, punches holes in walls, beats the tar out of SS9, talks to adults like they are garbage, suspended 4 times last year. I gave THE ULTIMATUM a year ago, get him right, get him help or send him to live with BM..if you don't, I'm outa here. Yeah well, a year goes by, SS14 is still an ass (for lack of a better term), kids go to BM's for 6 wks during summer vacation, DH's plan is leave SS14 with BM. What does he do? Calls me when he's 2 hours away and says BM is not fit to be a mother and he's bringing beelzebub back to our home. I pack up and leave before they get there and move back into the house that I owned before we got married (real estate market has been bad), so here I am, 3rd week of a blow up bed and a Dewalt saw box for a coffee table.

So here's what just gets my butt...BM was obviously good enough to marry, good enough to sleep with to produce not one, but 2 children over a 5 yr. period, but now isn't fit to be a mother? Whaaaat? I have to be honest enough to say that this is my 3rd marriage, when I met husband #2, loved him but knew that this was not a man that I wanted to share any DNA with and had my tubes tied within 2 months of marrying him. He was bipolar, why would I want to replicate THOSE genes? Men should be at least as aware of not wanting to procreate with a crazy person, isn't it in our DNA to find the best person, physically, emotionally and IQ wise to reproduce with? The first kid, okay, I'll give him that...but producing a child 5 yrs later? What? You didn't figure out she was crazy until AFTER 5yrs? God I hate being fed a line of crap and being expected to swallow it. How can I buy his whole 'I'm such a victim' package? Baloney.

I regress, okay so now he gets SS14 into therapy (he is given the diagnosis of Oppositional Defiance Disorder) which IMHO is just a nice name for Brat itis. So SS14 has 2 sessions and therapist says he's going on 3 weeks vacation. DH figures that should have made me happy. My stance is that 1 hour a week is not going to give this kid what he needs, and I tell DH that he needs to start PARENTING SS14, like give him chores, responsibilities, and consequences for bad behavior. So SS14's job when he gets home from school is the kitchen, put away clean dishes, load dirty ones in the dishwasher, put away anything left out and wipe down counters. I speak to DH tonight and ask if SS14 had done his 'chores' for today. I get the whole victim story about how DH is stressed at work and how is he supposed to keep up with 2 kids when he has so much else to do? I reply that 'I suppose this means that SS14 didn't do his chores? His reply (angered and indignant at this point) Fine, Fine, hang on, I'll get him out of bed! Do you want that? Let me just drag MY SON out of bed to wipe down some stupid counters....will that make you happy??!! Me: 'No that won't make me happy and will in fact play into SS14's drama...what was the consequence for not doing his chores? You told me that you had a consequence for everything...what is the consequence?' Him: 'Fine I'll get him up, will that make you happy' Me: 'No, getting children out of bed on a school night is irresponsible...I'm asking you...what is the consequence?' Him: 'The XBOX thing, he loses XBOX for the next day' Me 'Okay then, uplug the XBOX, and put the tower in the trunk of your car...let HIM tell YOU why the XBOX is gone, don't get dramatic about it, just be matter of fact and let him figure it out on his own'

I try to be humane....really. Does anyone else out there think that taking Beelzebub's XBOX for a day is cruel and inhumane? Perhaps I truly am the antichrist? I am the one with a blow up bed, a Dewalt box for a a coffee table, a decent chair, a camp chair, and an air card for my lap top. THAT'S IT. I had to remind DH that my living conditions are not much above camping...I am supposed to feel bad? When it comes right down to it, I'll be damned if I screw up a 3rd marriage....they will BOTH get right....even if it kills me trying.

Unfortunately for DH, even these conditions are preferable to be abused by a 14yr old. I am actually starting to enjoy myself...this week I am building a pantry, I work hard all day, take the dog (yes I got the dog) for a walk in the evening, talk to my neighbors, have a cup of tea, a hot bath, read, or watch a movie online. Perhaps I'll miss being treated treated like the hired help...hasn't happened yet though..........