Just venting… Riding the struggle bus with almost adult autistic SS
SS turns 18 in a couple months. He's autistic, and has never been held accountable or pushed, at all. I know that sounds like I'm being unkind. But he really is never held to any standard. He can back talk, blow up, make up lies, get violent, and there are no consequences for his actions. It's all swept under the rug at home. suck your thumb? That's ok, someone will love you for exactly who you are. Still eat you boogers? Just wash your hands after. Threaten to kill yourself? Call the cops and go to the ER but absolutely nothing after that.
When he's here it's a different story and he is expected to behave/follow instructions... and that always goes over like a lead balloon. His mom won't say anything to us and just coddles him over the phone throughout the day. My husband has always been gone for work a lot, so when his son was growing up he didn't have a lot of say in how things were handled, he just didn't realize that BM was going to roll over and let the kids get away with murder.
He surprisingly graduated high school, and is going into a program that's supposed to help him get ready to have a job of some sort. It may be shitty of me, but man am I looking forward to the day where he can't come visit as much as he does now. When he's here it's like walking on eggshells trying to not send him over the edge.
That felt good to get off my chest!
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Of course you are relieved
Being autistic is not an excuse for constant poor behavior. Violence is never ok. How will this young adult hold a job or any relationship if he's violent ? Ha.
His BM has failed him greatly. Poor dude. At least he has normal expectations at your place. You should be proud of your DH and yourself for upholding that as hard as I can imagine it's been. Being a positive influence in a child's life is a wonderful thing. Against the odds of a horrid BM is down right amazing.
I hope your DH has clear rules and expectations for this child going into adulthood. I don't want you to end up with him full time when he can't hang in the real world and BM just gives up. I'd have a clear convo before that shit goes down. Hoping it does not and he ends up thriving and loving the freedom.
Thanks. He does have a clear
Thanks. He does have a clear set of guidelines in place regarding him moving into adulthood. And SS will never live with us full time because of our rules and expectations. He says he wants to be an adult and treated like one, but the moment he's given any sort of responsibility or held accountable he wants his blankie and his momma.
I have an autistic SS21 who
I have an autistic SS21 who lives with us full time. I know it can be really hard sometimes and I am sorry that BM is an enabler vs. a parent trying to launch a child.
My SS won't ever live on his own but he has rules, expectations and has to do things like have a job and pay rent.
Hopefully your DH won't be on the hook for CS forever with his condition. Has that been taken care of already?
Thankfully CS is already in
Thankfully CS is already in place with a set ending date. He will keep insurance for the kids (he also has a daughter a few years younger) until they age out. Although she's mentioned getting him covered on a conservatorship, and I worry that she will try to use that as a launching pad to make things more difficult than they already are.
The boy says he wants a job, and a car, and to be on his own. But he has zero follow through on anything he says. He just wants and wants and wants, but refuses to put forth the effort to do any of it and is allowed to act that way.
I am incredibly thankful that my husband doesn't roll over and play dead when it comes to this stuff.