Just let it go.....
I sent an email to CS regarding the possible "overpayment" to BM.
Basically even though MSD was 18, as long as she was in HS full time, DH had to pay CS. Even though MSD has a baby of her own and wasn't even living with BM.
That alone irked me enough, especially since she wasn't helping MSD at all... not giving her any of the child support money. Or the few months that MSD did live with BM, BM was charging her rent.
But then to find out that even though MSD only had a few classes to take and only needed a few credits to graduate, that she didnt even graduate...that she wasn't even going to school...
She could have paid and attended summer school by June 17th, which she did not.
So I sat and thought about this.
If MSD wasnt even in school...she didnt even qualify as a child support dependent. We basically just gave away almost $1000 to BM. Now had BM been helping MSD this entire time, it wouldn't be an issue. But she wasn't. She was just collecting it for herself.
So I sent an email to child support (on DH's behalf) asking them to at least look into the issue. I also sent an email to the school (on DH's behalf) asking for MSD's attendance records or proof of being enrolled in HS.
I am not sure how far I will go to pursue it but I am at least making the first steps.
Of course this is more DH's issue, then mine. However DH takes the path of least resistance. He doesnt want to put any work into anything. While he is annoyed with the situation, he doesnt know where to start to get it at least addressed. So that is why I am handling it. Plus I have more free time and I dont mind. If I left it up to DH it wouldnt get addressed.
Of course part of me doing this is that I am pissed that DH basically gave BM money that she most likely didnt deserve. And while I am not a fan of MSD, it also irks me that BM couldnt even help her out with the CS money, considering that she wasnt even living with her and had a baby to take care of.
But it does affect me in that DH owes back child support to BM for when SS graduated and the CS never got re-evaluated. So every year until that back child support is paid off its going to mess with our taxes. I will file injured spouse, but its still a pain in the ass. So as long as that balance is out there, its going to be an inconvienence (even if minor) to me. So if by the grace of God it is confirmed that MSD wasnt attending school and BM was wrongfully collecting money and DH got a credit back for that, it will go towards the balance he owes BM.
Now the purpose of the subject line- I was talking to my coworker (who is not a step parent), about this issue. She basically told me that I should "let it go". That he was paying for his kid. Um no he wasnt. His kid wasnt even benefitting from the child support.
Now we all see and hear cases where our DH's are paying CS and the BMs arent spending it on the kids. This is the exact case! However because the kids are minors and in school and child support funds aren't monitored, there isnt anything that can be done about it. But with this... with the facts (if they are confirmed) BM was wrongfully collecting CS.
So hopefully I havent turned into a crazy SM butting into DH's business and trying to pursue this on his behalf and getting involved in it.
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Comments
Maybe your co-worker would
Maybe your co-worker would like to just hand out money every month to a leech.
I agree, but I meant besides
I agree, but I meant besides taxes.
Yep, the idiot who told you
Yep, the idiot who told you to "let it go" has no frigging clue. It was NOT in any way helping his child, which is the INTENT of child support. To SUPPORT the CHILD, not to give the ex-wife money to get her nails done. Yes, if she had been passing the money along to MSD or had MSD living with her, sure, let it go but get it stopped now that you know she's not in school. BUT since MSD didn't in any way benefit from that money, go after it. BM basically stole that money.
Your comment about men
Your comment about men getting screwed really resonated with me. I remember the first time we went to court and DH won! He was bewildered, he had been so conditioned to getting crapped on by the courts that all BM used to have to do was threaten court to get him to bow to her will.
Yes, we also had a skid that had a child and was living on her own with CS being paid still to BM and BM not helping out. In our case, they said that there wasn't anything that could be done. I hope yours is different.
NO you are NOT butting in. You are protecting YOUR FAMILY'S finances. It's about as much butting in as doing a household budget would be!
Yeah as long as she was in HS
Yeah as long as she was in HS there was nothing we could do about it. But since its looking like she wasnt attending school... we may have a case.
Very well said! LOL The
Very well said! LOL
The person who said it to me is a negative nelly anyways.
Oh yeah, Chef is like this
Oh yeah, Chef is like this totally. He overpaid the orthodontics bill (twice the amount over time) Of course the BM said NOTHING. And Chef wasn't concerned because I cover 95% of the living expenses at the house. Of course the magistrate told us that the extra cash is considered a "gift to the mom" and that there's nothing to be done about it.
Chef is always calling me a raving beotch because I am concerned with finances. I'm not materialistic, but I don't like getting ripped off.
He purposely overpays the BM for the last, oh six years, for child care expenses that are non-existent. OSS just graduated HS, SD is stb 16 and YSS is 11 1/2. But he has NOOO problem with that and would rather pay extra than go to court or fight for what is his (which eventually affects ME)
The other day he said "I don't mind paying CS until the day I die"
I thought: don't tempt me!
Your coworker is an idiot.
Your coworker is an idiot. If your DH paid a $1000 hospital bill sent to him by mistake, if he'd never been to the hospital, would you try to get the money back? Or "let it go"? Same thing - your DH paid a bill that he didn't actually incur (since MSD wasn't living with BM and wasn't in school). Whether you'll actually get the bill collector to give back the money without a huge fight is another story, but you don't just "let it go"! Jeez....
Right, but it's the
Right, but it's the "mother-of-his-children" doncha know. Saint BM! Where no amount of money could EVER make up for the fact that she popped one out.
Oprah and the media in general have said that being a mother is the "hardest job in the world." It is if it's done RIGHT. But this mantra gets applied to the vast majority of phone-it-in BFFing BMs that expect to get paid for lying down on the job.
Exactly! And I am going to
Exactly! And I am going to try my best to get it back if its confirmed she wasnt in school. I wont get a lawyer, I will draw the line there and just cut the losses. BUT if I can get it back through working with the child support office and getting the right documents to prove she wasn't in school, then I will keep at it.
DH technically has a back child support balance so they can just take off what is owed back to BM from that. Its not like they even have to collect money from here. Just readjust the balance.