Did you dodge any bullets in terms of possible Step Hell before SO?
I think back to some of the guys that I "dated" or thought about dating before I got with DH.
#1- We shall call him J. Once his ex found out that we were talking, she basically told his mom that if she was still friends with me on FB, that J's son, was no longer allowed at her house. J and I had grown up together and I was very close to his family. Once BM found out about me, she started pursuing J and making threats about their kid, so I stopped talking with him. They ended up getting back together. LOL.
#2- A guy I might online and went on one date with. We had a fun time. However his son called while we were out to dinner and he said "Even if I am eating with the President, if it's my kid I am going to answer the phone." We are still friends on FB and he seems like a really good dad. But that comment alone was enough to make me think he was a Disney Dad. (before I was even familiar with the term.)
#3- A guy that worked in my building and we had some mutual friends. Totally Disney Dad. I knew right away it would never work because of the way he talked about his daughter. Plus he seemed to have the crazy, druggie whore BM. Really nice guy. But I could already see how it would be with his daughter.
#4- I dated M on/off for a few months right after BS's dad and I split. He had a daughter, that always went to his mom's house for his visitation. He never did any "dad" stuff. He was more concerned with partying. At the time I wasnt looking for anything serious, so I didnt think much about it. Now I am like WTF- he wasnt a good dad at all. Then I found out he had ANOTHER kid in another state. He told me this later, after we were dating, but still FWB. And I was like- ummm why wouldnt you mention him before? Seemed so odd.
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I have never dated anyone
I have never dated anyone with a child or an ex who is still in the picture. I refused even though I had no idea what it would really be like. I never wanted kids of my own so people with those burdens never registered on my radar. I have no idea what came over me with DH. I love him dearly and don't regret it but I still can't believe I compromised my principles like that.
I never dated anyone with a
I never dated anyone with a child prior to DH... guess that's why I got sucked in... I was naïve and thought that it would be all Brady Bunch. Nope instead it's all Problem Child.... and don't even get me started on BMs.
THIS!!! >>I think my
THIS!!!
>>I think my current situation is the bullet and I didn't dodge it<<
Me too! I thought I didn't
Me too! I thought I didn't want to date a guy without kids as a) he'd either want some (and I didn't want more) or b)he wouldn't understand what having kids was like. I was the first of my friends/acquaintances to divorce and have a 2nd relationship so had no idea. I've since known a few others to break up and have relationships with guys with no kids and it seems so much easier (from the outside anyway), can't help but be a little envious of them!
I never dated anyone with
I never dated anyone with kids before I met DH. I always ended up with the abusive guys before I met DH.
I dated one. The BM and he
I dated one. The BM and he were 'friendly' I guess. She had a key to his house, and one time she just let herself in while we were sleeping... WTF. And he saw no issue with it. And he also said the whole 'my kid will always come first' line. That relationship lasted about three months. The daughter was 9.
Ugh. I try not to think about that one too much.
I should probably clarify
I should probably clarify that when I say "date" I use that term loosely. Besides for #1's kids, I have never met the other people's kids. And I only knew #1's kids because I grew up with his family.
DH's kids are the first kids I spent time with- someone I was really dating.
Never dated a man with kids
Never dated a man with kids before dh. And I would suggest that every single person dating a man with kids come to this site.
I met a man online and after
I met a man online and after chatting for a few weeks, decided to meet him for coffee.
He was a widower who had custody of his son and his step daughter. I noticed he was still wearing his wedding ring ring. I asked him about it and he only said he still had a difficult time taking it off. Okay.
Despite the ring, the coffee date went well and he asked me to dinner. Okay.
Showed up at the restaurant, he was already seated. As I walked up I noticed two other people sitting with him. His teenage son and 10ish daughter. Brought them on the fucking date with him. Without discussing it with me.
Then I found out he had been a widower for less than a year. He was looking for someone to raise these two kids and I had to pass the "test" with them.
Suffered through the dinner so the kids didn't get any more traumatized. Called him when I got home and broke things off. When he asked why I said two reasons, as long as you're wearing that wedding ring, your not ready for a new relationship. And don't every put your kids or the next woman you decide to go out with through a "date". It's wrong on all counts.
The ring and the kids and the creepy and the abject terror of being in that position.....H is lucky I even considered going out with him.
Holy shit, Shaman....
Holy shit, Shaman.... :jawdrop:
Oh God. I could be here all
Oh God. I could be here all day. A few years before DH, I dated a guy with 4 kids, two of whom were his SDs that he raised from toddlerhood and considered his. Damn, I'm glad I wised up and get away from this guy! Everything was all wrong. His divorce wasn't finalized. His BM had severe BPD and he had ZERO boundaries with her. He was at her house constantly doing things for her, spending holidays with her. Everything was "for the chiiiiiildreeen" even though he effing hated her.
His oldest (S)D was 16 when we got together. She literally screamed in my face and talked about she'd throw a huge party the day of my funeral. Fortunately, she only ever came around for a few minutes at a time here and there when she wanted money.
(S)D14 completely ignored me. Wouldn't even look in my direction. She only came by occasion to snoop for BM. One time she brought her little BF. He was a nice kid, came right up to me and said, "Hi Ghost? How are you?" Oh, if looks could kill! Little Miss Thang was NOT happy about that!
SD5 (his bio) was the most out of control, spoiled beast I've ever encountered. This child was never put to bed. She fell asleep wherever she happened to be, well past midnight. She didn't speak, but yelled at the top of her lungs. Always. She grazed on junk food all day. She made horrific messes all over the house and didn't have to clean up anything. I honestly can't imagine how this child coped once she got to school.
But the biggest problem was SS10 (or rather, my ex's lack of parenting of him). This child was the ultimate Golden Child. The sun rose and set out of his ass. He could do absolutely no wrong. The final straw in our relationship came when my now-ex said to me, "SS10 says he saw you at the mall kissing your ex. How could you?" I hated my exH. I had a RO against the guy. Why would I be kissing him at the mall, for Christ's sake? But because Golden Boy said this (no doubt out up to by BM), it was the gospel truth. We got into a HUGE argument. "My boy would NEVER lie to me! He's my boy!" Yeah, right. All kids lie, dumbass. "HE'S MY BEST FRIEND!" Sorry, dude. WRONG answer. I'M supposed to be your best friend. Your BFF is a 10-year-old boy? Yeah, he had issues. I was gone with the wind that day.
What a cluster that was. Hell, recalling it makes me even more grateful for the DH I have!!