It's wonderful to know there are others out there feeling disempowered at the situation of being a step-mother to adult children of the husband and that we can share on this forum. Two of the step-children live overseas and the other one in this town. The first time we all met they all formed this GROUP which felt really strong.......gave me a sense of being excluded, alone. Because I am a sensitive person, I felt this straightaway. I think I could cope a lot better if I had the chance to form relationships with them individually instead of them always presenting in their STRONG GROUP. This gives them security but immediately puts me in a very weak position. It has caused me to lose confidence in my ability to ever have a relationship with them. Part of me wants to throw my arms around them & just love them and the other part just wants to run away! There is a visit coming up and, because we have two spare bedrooms, I felt that to avoid me being labelled The Wicked Stepmother (because it's darn obvious that if they don't stay here that it is because of me), I invited them all to come here to stay. Now I regret it! I am really dreading the visit and feel extremely anxious about it. It sounds like no matter how much you try do the right thing, there is a no-win situation where grown step-children are concerned. Maybe it is best to keep the distance and just be concerned about myself. This is such a wierd situation. Part of me would love to be part of an extended family but the reality of it is pretty negative. I feel it is THEM and ME. I think they know this! What do you all think? Can I change my mind? My husband says I can have it any way I want.......but the WICKED STEPMOTHER scenario creeps in!!!! This is awful!!!!! They are very offhand towards me right from the beginning. What to do????