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Wwhmp's picture

Hi, I am new to this cite and I joined because I am having some really negative feelings associated with being a step-mother. I have always been crazy about my kids, 10 and 5 year old daughter, they really were the loves of my life, there father- not so much. After I divorced him, I met a new love and I consider him part of the love of my life catagory and he came with a little boy(5yrs). The kids took to each other very well and I thought I could really see myself loving him as my own. Shortly after the honeymoon phase with the kids wore off. I am an extremely protective mother, been guilty of being too protective, so when my now husband told me my kids were unruly and I needed to be more strict with them and he started yelling at them, I was more than put off. However, I really respected his opinion and could see that many of his points were valid. So, I asked myself, am I doing right by my girls. They loved him, they love his son, so that has to be a good thing. My husband kept trying to " get them in shape" when I started to notice that he had a double standard, the girls would do something and get yelled at for it but he ignored the same or similarly annoying behavior in his kid. My girls are so sweet and confident that they loved him and his son any way. Plus, my husband was trying to be better, he said he did not know what he was doing but he wants to do it right. I have tried to be patient but right now I feel so bitter towards my step- son. I want to love him like my own( I treat him like my own but it's an act, he can't tell because he treats me like his real mom) I have a new baby with my current husband and he is such a joy to us but I hate feeling bitter towards my step- son. Sad

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Gestalt's picture

Why do you think it's easier to resent the stepson rather than the husband? Is this something that you and hubby could maybe resolve in marriage counseling?

Gia's picture

Welcome to this site.

Have you tried to talk to your husband about having double standards? If not, try to do so but in a specific manner, not just say " you have double standards" but actually pointing out specific situations in which your girl(s) got in trouble but his son didn't.

Congrats on the baby and I know how hard it is to not resent the child in this situation. I can tell you is not his fault how his father treats him or your daughters. Or he is innocent, he loves you, but all that is theory, in practice, I struggle with similar feelings.

Is the child's mother (BM) around?

Take care

stepmom008's picture

Welcome! I wonder the same thing as Gia. Have you talked to him about his double standard? It may be a good idea to document when this happens and present it to him in a clear and concise, factual manner. Good luck!

Wwhmp's picture

Thanks for all of your comments. Gestalt, I actually do resent my husband which is causing some problems in our marriage, I know we will get through it though. Although I resent my step-son, he does not feel it, I take it out on my husband. I think marriage counseling is good but, I think having a place to talk is better.And to Gia and stepmom008, believe me, I have told him many times while providing specific instances. He always agrees and says he will try to be better, but he has also told me that the girls get on his nerves. I think he is trying but in the meantime I get upset a lot:(