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When and how to tell kids I'm pregnant?

WokeUpABug's picture

Submitted by WokeUpABug on Thu, 10/06/2016 - 9:34am

After many years and multiple rounds of IVF DH and I are currently expecting! I'm over the moon of course but keeping as quiet as possible for now. I'm 10 weeks and everything looks good so far (fingers crossed). The problem is its my second so I'm already starting to get a little round (it's more bloat than baby but still not my usual shape).

DH is dying to tell. I am trying to keep it secret as long as possible, both because I'm superstitious and bc if I miscarry I don't really want BM to know. Also it's kind of fun to have a little secret with DH. There's so little privacy in second marriages sometimes.

But I talked to my OB and there's no magic number of weeks after which I won't miscarry. He says my risk now is about 3 percent, by 12 weeks 2 percent, and sort of trends down gradually from there.

The other complication is getting everyone together at once. My DD19 is it at college (close by) and SS19 at college too (a little further) and we have the other skids every other week. So the logistics are hard. For those of you that have been through this, when and how did you tell the kids?

Comments

WokeUpABug's picture

Submitted by WokeUpABug on Thu, 10/06/2016 - 9:54am

Thanks! Yes this my concern too, that at least one of the kids will be not so happy and start to cause issues. I'm just enjoying the peace and happiness right now, and I KNOW as soon as we tell skids BM will start to cause problems. It won't even be about the pregnancy it'll just be something to make DH focus on her...

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Thu, 10/06/2016 - 9:44am

congrats!!!!!

I would not tell any one till I'm showing, usually 3rd month, listen to the OB.... you can call your DD and swear her to secrecy and tell her, after all she's your daughter, just as DH can call SS and swear him to secrecy...

But wait till after first semester and then casually tell the people not seeing you every day, people around you can ask if they notice the baby bump...

WokeUpABug's picture

Submitted by WokeUpABug on Thu, 10/06/2016 - 9:57am

Thanks! No way could I make it to TG. I already look a little pregnant now but I'm concealing it with flowy tops and big sweaters. I give myself to the end of October but after that I think my stomach will make the announcement for me!

WokeUpABug's picture

Submitted by WokeUpABug on Thu, 10/06/2016 - 10:25am

I think you're right, I probably need to let go of the idea that I need to tell them all in person at the same time. That just isn't going to work.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Thu, 10/06/2016 - 10:33am

A friend of mine was VERY pregnant and went to a Halloween party with a creepy doll rising from her belly like it'd been hatched. Hilarious!

WokeUpABug's picture

Submitted by WokeUpABug on Thu, 10/06/2016 - 9:59am

I'm so sorry. That's horrible.

I don't think I could handle that so I really want to wait. I figure 12 weeks is absolutely the earliest and I'd like to wait until I get the results for the Downs blood test back too.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Thu, 10/06/2016 - 10:05am

YAY BABIES!!!!!!

Okay, now that THAT is out of my system, I would say wait til the end of your first trimester.

Or just wait and let your tummy make the announcement for you Blum 3

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Thu, 10/06/2016 - 10:08am

CONGRATULATIONS

I think it all depends on the skids. If they are the type to react positively then you should tell them as soon as you feel comfortable. If you think they will react negatively you can either tell them now so they have time to adjust in time for the due date OR if they will cause problems, wait as long as possible so they can only cause limited amount of trouble.

My stepson handled me being pregnant very well especially since I am his primary caregiver and he was used to spending so much time being my priority. I didn't want anyone to know I was pregnant-especailly BM-until I was ready. If I were to get pregnant again (I am on birth-control and pray I do not become the 1%) then I would wait for as long as possible to tell anyone except my family. You have to keep in mind the age of the skids; they will find out eventually just by noticing so you could just wait until they ask and then tell them each then.

WokeUpABug's picture

Submitted by WokeUpABug on Thu, 10/06/2016 - 10:14am

Thanks! Yes I actually have a very good relationship with skids. I don't anticipate many problems- maybe a little regression from SS14 who is used to being the "baby" but since he's become a teenager I think he's gotten over this. Honestly I think BM will be the biggest problem.

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Thu, 10/06/2016 - 11:33am

Congratulations to you and your husband Smile

You and dh must do what you think is best. I can tell you that we never told anyone except my Mom (rip dad) until the very end. We knew she would keep it hush hush. Also reason for that was in case of another loss AND I wanted to enjoy the awwww of it all to ourselves.

It is magical.

WAY way back well maybe not too far back, mothers to be would not be so bold as to discuss being in the family way. Women concealed it by wearing Mother Hubbard Dresses and my Mother told me she had NO idea her Mother was expecting until a baby was born.

When I had my first----Everyone kept it hush hush at least until you started to show and they use to have the cutest maternity clothing.
Things are different now in so many ways.

Enjoy making your first decision as parents. Smile

Wishing you the very very best.

WokeUpABug's picture

Submitted by WokeUpABug on Thu, 10/06/2016 - 1:26pm

I think I would keep it secret until the end too if I could! I just don't think I can hide it that well - I'm tall and thin so it just kind of stands out you know. With my DD I didn't start to show until 5-6 months but now I guess my abdominal muscles are shot lol.

Curious about the old fashioned maternity clothes though...

WokeUpABug's picture

Submitted by WokeUpABug on Thu, 10/06/2016 - 1:30pm

Thanks everyone! I'm honestly still so superstitious to post even here that I'm pregnant, like somehow it will bring misfortune. I think as long as I'm still feeling this way it's too early to tell. Bc I know once skids know the world will know lol.

I'm going to try to hold off as long as possible but I think DH is just going to blurt it out. That man, smh.

lintini's picture

Submitted by lintini on Thu, 10/06/2016 - 2:41pm

Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so happy for you!!

Now.... If she's like the BM we deal with, you'll find out in a few months that she is pregnant too :jawdrop:

Then she'll be too busy to bother you!!

lintini's picture

Submitted by lintini on Thu, 10/06/2016 - 3:12pm

There is a poster on here who was a few rooms away from BM in the hospital, both giving birth.

I felt so horrible for her.

Journey Perez's picture

Submitted by Journey Perez on Thu, 10/06/2016 - 4:53pm

We told our kids separately. There wasn't a big announcement to all of them at once. My kid knew first because he lives at home with us and he was there thru all my IVF process. DH's kids found out later because they all live separately in other homes.

CONGRATS by the way!!!!!!!!! I'm currently 13 weeks with fraternal twins! one cycle of IVF, frozen embryo transfer.

WokeUpABug's picture

Submitted by WokeUpABug on Thu, 10/06/2016 - 6:16pm

Wow congrats!!! They will always wonder which one is a few months older Wink

I think the kids definitely know we've been trying- we didn't tell them but the ivf meds in the fridge are kind of hard to hide... But I've been going through it so long I don't think they realize I'm actually pregnant.

WokeUpABug's picture

Submitted by WokeUpABug on Fri, 10/07/2016 - 8:49am

Thanks for sharing. Yes I was also told by a different ivf doctor I would never have my own child. I wonder sometimes how many women just take that as gospel.

I agree about infertility making me more nervous about miscarriage. It's like if I lose this baby do I really have it in me to do how many more rounds of IVF and wait years again to be pregnant? It seems so daunting. And yes I think after so long of being told only negative things part of my brain still can't wrap around this being s happy ending. I want to enjoy my pregnancy too though you know? I don't know what to do, I just pray a lot.

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Thu, 10/06/2016 - 10:58pm

Damn, you're too late to do what my sd9's BM did. She mailed sd a picture of her ultrasound scan at 6 weeks! I was so worried that we would have to be explaining a miscarriage to her. Fortunately we didn't.

Congratulations to you and your husband, just do what you want and don't worry about getting everyone together it sounds like that is not going to be possible.