So frustrated about finances and DH always saying yes
BM and DH went to court recently -DH was seeking a decrease in CS due to his decreased income and to be able to put the kids in our excellent public schools instead of private. BM fought DH saying his calculations for expenses were wrong because he didn't need to give SS18 any money for college. Bizarre a woman who argues her son doesn't need to go to college but whatever. Her goal was to keep the other three in private school at all costs - and she won.
We are still going to try to give SS18 money for college. But we agreed there would be no extras for skids. Well lo and behold 1 week later BM wants to send SDs to a camp that will cost us $1200 ($600 each). DH of course does not want to say no and act like the bad guy. We do not have the money right now. We might have it by Christmas bonus, but that money is really for next year.
What makes it all worse is we want to have kids of our own and can't. Adoption and IVF are both really expensive. If DH keeps saying yes to everything the skids want we will never get there. And we haven't even started on the subject of SS18 who hasn't even started trying to get loans for college. All hell will break lose when that bill comes due...
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H of course does not want to
H of course does not want to say no and act like the bad guy.
Tough, sometimes parents have to say no and be the bad guy. He has a valid reason, he does not have the money.
BM won the private school thing, good for her (sarcasm); if the camp is so damn important, she can foot the whole bill.
Thanks - it sucks! Yes I
Thanks - it sucks!
Yes I agree about consigning for loans. I told DH that was an absolute hill to die on for me. He said he agreed, but then again he also agreed on camps. I expect when it becomes a problem SS18 will go running to DH for help and I will be back here posting again.
This!
This!
Well we fought the private
Well we fought the private school thing but the courts sided with BM. I can't fault DH for that. And he took the initiative to get a better job, so we probably CAN afford SS18 to have a little college money plus tuitions at private school. But not much more. Not even enough left over for camps. So yeah, I fault my DH for rolling over on the camp thing.
I know there's an end of the year bonus coming and no one really knows how much it is. But DH doesn't ever plan ahead financially and isn't figuring out how we can afford to have our own child. That's what really boils my blood. Mark my words ladies, if the end of the year comes and we do not have the money to do ivf or adopt because DH has frittered it away on camps and optional extras I will walk. That is s line in the sand for me.
Rule # 74 of life.... we
Rule # 74 of life.... we don't always get what we want. Seems about high time and BM and SD learn this rule.
Summer camp is an extra, 1200 summer camp is a HUGE extra! Your DH is making LESS money, yet paying MORE for private school so why in the world would BM even ask this stupid question?? Oh that's right because she knows your DH is a panty waist who suffers from guilty daddy syndrome. Unbelievable to me that to do this, you would have to count on a Christmas bonus 6 months from now and your DH is actually considering??? This would be a fucking hill for me to die on.
This would be a fucking hill
This would be a fucking hill for me to die on.
I am right there with ya on that hill.
He went to court to get a reduction and stop the private school, due to decreased income, but then he's going to turn around and hand out extra money? What kind of message does that send? "Hey, I know I went to court claiming I don't have the money any more for the current CS and private school but I was just kidding, here's some extra."
He.doesn't.have.the.money. End of story.
Right. I agree. It's slightly
Right. I agree. It's slightly more complicated because in the interim DH got a better job. It's more, enough that when the court sided against us, we said ok we will tighten our belts but it will be ok. But now this. We had agreed no camps! We don't have the cash. We don't even have the cash on hand to pay fall tuitions. DH said no problem, we will just hold some payments until the Christmas bonus. I told DH that was paying this years bills with next years money. If we say yes to camps we will be even further behind!
This is BS. It's not being
This is BS. It's not being the bad guy, the money isn't there! If he gives in now, what'll this teach his XW and D later? That they don't have to believe anything he says.
Sadly he has already taught
Sadly he has already taught them that. They do whatever they want. He promises consequences and rants and raves but always gives in.
Your DH should of told BM..."
Your DH should of told BM..." I would love to pay half for camp BUT I AM ALREADY PAYING XYZ DOLLARS FOR PRIVATE SCHOOL FOR 3 KIDS. As the mother of my children, my reply to your request for more money for camp...NOT NO BUT HELL NO!
Your BM has some freaking
Your BM has some freaking nerve asking for an expensive camp after the private school decision.
The only one that can correct what he's taught is your DH. Think of it this way : CS is already covering beyond necessity (private school is not a need. I think you mentioned that you have excellent public schools in one of your posts). So, are you willing to sacrifice your lifelong dream of your own child so SD can enjoy a week of camp? Because this won't stop until your DH puts his foot down. There will always be another camp, etc if he keeps saying yes. Hugs. I'd be hurt and angry equally at the same time if I was in your situation.
Yes that's exactly it! It
Yes that's exactly it! It isn't just the 1200 for this. There will be more camps, trips, and extras. BM already declared bankruptcy last year so she cannot afford it. But she does not care. She will jus keep declaring bankruptcy and running up credit card debt. I don't even care what she does but she drags DH along for the ride. It will not end here. And by the time it's over it will equal real money we could have used for IVF.