Okay your DH never yells or gets upset - except when you push the sd/biomom situation - is that not the huge white elephant in your life - and I am sure that it bugs you every day so does that not effect your life - I am sure in the last 11 years there have been other instances in your relationship that have been abusive and bad - and living second fiddle to anyone in your marriage is not acceptable and a form of abuse - sorry to leave you like that was inexcusable.

Okay I am back now and I just read your other blog and I remember reading this yesterday and thinking how sad that you are in this situation and I commend you for trying to be positive but the only way this situation is going to get positive or be at a place where you can even stomach living is if your DH changes and makes his daughter become responsible for her actions and holds her to a place higher than a 10 year old all while doing adult things with her - I have to say growing up with handicapped and disable brothers and sisters and there were about 8 of them - we were all adopted - my mother never let them get away with crap and held them accountable and these children has severe physical and mental and emotional problems - not one of them could have gone on a 2 - 8 hour hike or watched weeds - there is something really wrong with this picture.

I am sure that my post does not meet your positivity criteria and I am sure you are going to delete it but please for yourself just read and think about what your life could be away from all of this madness - I think that is where abused woman don't go - they don't take themselves out of their situation because they are so beat down that they can't see beyond the four walls they are trapped in - and believe me I would rather my husband respect me and make his daughter accountable for her life rather than bring me breakfast in bed - good luck - and I will be praying that either your husband makes his daughter grow up or that you realized that life is short and you deserve so much better than the situation you are in - I truly feel for you - because while I have a shitty BM in my situation who causes problems alot and from 700 miles away - my husband treats me with respect and makes his son treat me with respect and he puts me first no matter what and that is what you need to do in a marriage - husband and wife first and then if that is healthy then the children are well taken care of and provided for because the marriage is thriving and so the whole family unit works. If the head of the family (husband and wife) are sick how can the rest of the body function - it can't as evidenced by your whole situation with this girl child and her POS BM.

Not being "negative" BUT have been down "this" road before-

"Well I should say he never yells or gets upset, except when I have pushed the the SD/biomom situation."

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*There is no EXCEPTION to being yelled at and or abused. Not one single exception allows this behavior. NOBODY "deserves" it.

I hope for your sake that you have not been "programmed" to the point of not being able to see what might be really going on in your life. It is never too late.

Never.

Good luck,

Why would you apologize for a situation where you have had to swallow a lot of shit for years and then it bubbles out one night - he should be apologizing and kissing your ass for putting up with him and his nutso daughter - this shows that you are beat down to think that because of a situation that is years in the making and about ready to put you over the edge erupts one night and he leaves you on a lonely highway - what have you done wrong except get out of your head all the things that are bothering you - you are human and you deserve a modicum of respect from this man who has taken 11 years of your life and made a lot of it hell - and when notice I did not say if you apologize he has won once again - good luck!!

And I know this may be deleted too because it is not positive but please just think about what I wrote!!

My x husband did the same thing. He got out of our car pissed off and I left him there. BUT I didn't go back. I let him walk the 2.4 miles home in a dark swampy area. I rushed home, packed a bag and got my girls and left. I haven't been back.

Thanks SA - I truly am not trying to be mean but I can't sit here and just tell her what she wants to hear - her situation breaks my heart because life is so short and she could be having a whole different life that is better with someone else or quite frankly be alone and be better off - when a parent coddles a disabled child/adult game over - it never changes and it really hurts the child more than helps them - I really feel sorry that she is in this position - I don't know her story just hit me harder than others - and no I have never been abused nor would I let it happen - My mother who raised over 20 children was a strong tough woman who taught us how to be strong capable women all of my sisters and my parents taught us what a true loving relationship was - up until the day my mother died 3 years ago - my father showed me how a real man treats his wife and he took care of my mother who was very disabled at the end for 4 years and never complained and loved her and still every time I talk to him he misses her and wished he was up in heaven with her. He took her to the bathroom 2 -3 times a night and she was a bigger woman but he got up put her on the toilet and then put her back to bed and cleaned her several times a day - got her all of her meals and took her everywhere because she could hardly walk and at the end she was in a wheelchair - and he spent so much time and energy on him that his heart almost gave out - and yet he cries a lot when I call him because he just misses her and so that is real love from a real man - and I think I have the man and wife first because that is how I was raised and I saw that it worked great -

We never doubted that our parents would not be together forever - and we respected them and understood that they loved each other and because their love was so strong it made our family very very strong and with 8 handicapped children that they took in plus the other 9 abused children they took in it really was a testament to their love for each other and the family - I am glad I grew up in the home I grew up in - I never take crap from a man and I was raised to go out on my own and be a responsible adult - as my sisters who were very handicapped went to group homes and then to state runned facilities to work - if you don't work sometime in your life how can you grow up if everything is handed to you - something not right about this girl.

you have a point

Unbelievable.

My H told me once about when him and his brother wouldn't stop fighting in the car and his mom and stepdad left them on the side of the road. They were about 9 and 5. I had problems with THAT as a form of discipline. And that was parent/child!

If I was EVER left anywhere by H, he would never see me again and I sure as HELL would not be manipulated into apologizing for what HE did to me!