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SS and trust issues, any ideas on how to deal with it?

winnie's picture

Submitted by winnie on Wed, 06/15/2011 - 9:18am

SS has MAJOR trust issues. It takes forever to even get close to him and if one bad thing happens you get shut out. It does not even matter who did the offending act. Everyone gets shut out. The ex-wife pulls stupid crap all the time but SS ends up being cold to my husband and I instead. Sometimes it takes weeks for him to come around again. I want him to go to therapy but he will not even entertain the idea. How do you help people overcome this? We have been nothing but supportive for a while now but it has no effect on him. And we are getting hurt because we do not get to see SS and his daughter. I am praying this is a teen thing. SS just turned 18. But I do not want to wait YEARS. We will miss out on my SS's and granddaughters life Sad

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JustAnotherSM's picture

Submitted by JustAnotherSM on Wed, 06/15/2011 - 11:27am

I wish I had some good advice for you. My SS18 also suffers from trust issues due to years of lying and PAS from BM as well as her abandoning him at age 13. Yet, she still holds some wierd type of control over him. No matter how bad BM is, SS is terrified of losing her. I wonder if your SS feels the same way about his BM?

DH and I continue to be open and honest with SS at all times. The only difference now that SS is 18 is that we no longer bite our tongue when it comes to our thoughts about BM and her continued efforts to make SS's life miserable. But it doesn't seem to matter. SS still shuts us out for weeks or months at a time while he deals with BM's nonsense. It makes me sad too.

I hope that the consistency of your actions continue to show SS how much you love him and his little girl. Your SS sounds like a smart one (working and raising a baby at age 18!) so hopefully he'll figure things out soon enough. Hang in there!

winnie's picture

Submitted by winnie on Wed, 06/15/2011 - 12:04pm

Thanks JustAnotherStepMom. It is very hard to take. It affects our daily lives when he does this. Unlike your SS, my SS does not want anything to do with his mother. Which is a good thing. He is even filing a RO against her. I just hope he sees how much we love him soon. I cannot bear this.

winnie's picture

Submitted by winnie on Wed, 06/15/2011 - 1:27pm

I hope so too allMitchell. I do try hard. SS is the closest thing to a son for me. And my poor husband. He is taking it hard. I feel like SS knows we love him. He is just so scarred from living with that woman he calls his mother. She truly screwed him up emotionally.