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How would you feel?

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 1:57pm

OMG…. I just saw this on facebook. It is an old friend of mine.
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"15 years ago today my life was totally crushed. I hope you are watching over us and are proud of the decision we have made in life. I still miss and love you with all my heart. Not a day goes by that I do not wish you were here with me. I Love You...."

She poste this about her late husband. She has since remarried. Ummmm. I feel a little weirded out by that. I wonder if her DH saw it and what he thinks about her wishing, and letting the whole world know, that she wishes she was still with her late husband.

I don’t know…I get her feelings, but could you imagine if your DH was a widower and he posted something like that about his late wife. UGH!

Comments

Helena.Handbasket's picture

Submitted by Helena.Handbasket on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 2:00pm

There are many a days I would love to post something like that, but to spare SO's feelings I don't.

However, maybe her DH understands the difference between grieving for someone and their current relationship?

Its just different. I empathize with your friend a lot.

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 2:00pm

speechless...hmmm...OK, I get it a bit...just a bit. But honestly, if I loved my ex so much, even if he was my dead ex, I probably wouldn't have married anyone else. Seems to me a bit disrespectful.

On the other hand if DH wrote such a thing, I'd walk out.

smdh's picture

Submitted by smdh on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 2:07pm

Not necessarily. My FIL lost his first wife (Dh's mom). He was very much in love with her and would still be married to her today. MIL knows this. But she isn't here and he knew that living 40-50 years alone wasn't appealing. He loves MIL, but had his first wife lived, he would not know MIL.

Snowflake's picture

Submitted by Snowflake on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 2:16pm

My sister is a widow. She had known her husband since they were children. He was the love of her life. He was an incredible man who loved her and took great care of her. He is very missed.

She is a beautiful woman who will find someone some day. But he has to understand that my sister actually loved her late husband until not only until the day that he died, but to the day that SHE dies.

It is hard I think, because she didnt divorce him or have any problems with him. He would have been the person that she grew old with, and was not an "ex".

So I can understand that she still loves him and misses him. Hopefully new guy doesnt feel jealous of a dead man.

B22S22's picture

Submitted by B22S22 on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 2:17pm

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of my first husband, who's been gone over 8 years. But I don't think it's something I'd share on FB, and certainly not if I was remarried.

Helena.Handbasket's picture

Submitted by Helena.Handbasket on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 2:18pm

Yeah, I want to post something in memory of him so bad on our anniversary, but I don't.

SO lives with knowing that he and would not be together if it hadn't been for DHs death. Why rub it in?

Its just so hard to see someone like that when you know what pain they are feeling.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 3:04pm

My 1st husband has been gone ten years and I still miss him and acknowledge him on Facebook, since most of my friends miss him as well. Nothing wrong with that. Look at it this way: How would you feel about your husband if he didn't acknowledge your death anniversary in some way. This is her way.

My DH knows and has no problem with it. He hopes he would be missed as well when he is gone.

asheeha's picture

Submitted by asheeha on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 3:32pm

i would hope that he'd miss me silently and cherish his new spouse.

i know that if i die my dh will find someone else. he's a relationship person. i hope he will be able to appreciate the life we shared but put it in the past and focus on his life with the person who's right in front of him.

i think it'd hurt if he were to say things like that. i suppose if we were both older and had lost our "1st" loves and at the end of our life then maybe it wouldn't hurt as much.

but i dunno...

Helena.Handbasket's picture

Submitted by Helena.Handbasket on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 9:44pm

This is such a good example of showing how you can grieve the loss of someone while also appreciating that you have a new person in your life. They don't take their place, but they are special in their own right. that was a great story.