{{Hugs}} What could be a happy, joyous time is shadowed by decades of BM crappola. I've heard it can go either way with GBM's ramping up the silliness or chilling out.

Does SS have an active partner who understands boundaries? Perhaps you can give SS a copy of "Boundaries" or DH can offer some suggestions.

My situation is very different, but I hate the S-GKid situation. Grandparents have no rights in our state ... step-grandparents have even less influence.

My suggestion is to anticipate difficulties, identify areas where conflict can emerge and you & DH need to develop a plan.

My condolences. Unfortunately my bf's idiot daughter reproduced. I think everyone was happy because they figured a kid would keep her off drugs. yeah. She's a peach. Anyway...yes...my boyfriend jumped to "help" her when he found out she was pregnant...taking her grocery shopping, paying for groceries, lots of calling. Then when she had the kid, started writing monthly checks for $350. He thought by doing this he'd have a close relationship with the kid. LOLOLOLOL. She couldn't give him the time of day except when she wanted something. I think the checks stopped after a few months. He had visions of Princess and the baby stopping by every weekend to visit since they were just up the road two miles visiting every weekend and days off at the BM's party trailer. Hmmm...they came here one time in the past two years...to collect Christmas gifts. Every free second she has, her car is parked at BM's trailer. Daddy is only thought of when she wants something. Thankfully he stopped jumping and trying to be the #1 grandparent by refusing to give her money when she wanted to buy a house (omg...what a joke), and pay her student loan off for her (she failed out first semester).

As a step father and step grand father, I have a great relationship with my grand kids. I have 2. The first was to SS who was too young. We (BM and I) felt burdened because SS and his girlfriend were not mature enough to be parents. Sigh.....

We ended up raising SGrandson for the first 5 years and we developed an amazing bond. SGrandson has behavior issues, but not with me. I am now divorced so I have a feeling of less responsibility than before, but I am his papa and I will love him forever.

The best you can do is, well, do the best you can. Enjoy the moments you get with the youngster. You have an opportunity to help mold grand child into a good person. The only thing you should be upset about is if you have to raise and support because your SS (like mine) is incapable of having a child. If SS lives on his own, dont sweat the small stuff.

There was a great post on here about disengaging from SK if you think you want to go that route.

I would also say that after being in the relation ship with DH for so long, dont allow yourself to be put on the back burner for any of them. Your opinion matters, and should matter to DH more than anyone else.

Good luck to you hang in there.

DH has no real relationship with his grand kids.

OSD has 2 kids and has always preferred BM over DH (unless it comes to money). So when she lived out of town and came to visit she would spend the week with BM and then stop by and see DH on her way out of town for like 30 minutes. Kind of hard to build a bond. Then when she moved back to town she lived with BM and then she was in jail and then there was drama with her and her DH and BM. Now OSD lives in same apartment complex as BM, so DH won't go over to her apartment. Knowing BM she would stop by and start drama. I would never tell DH, no, that OSD and the gkids can't come for a visit but he knows there's a large probability of there being drama from either OSD or BM after any visit so DH doesn't even invite OSD over. A few times before he would go and meet up at a restaurant but the kids are 2 and 3 now and won't sit still so that doesn't make for a good visit.

MSD has a 3 year old that DH was semi close to when he was a baby. His relationship with MSD was better when she lived with her boyfriend and then when she had her own place. But once she moved back in with BM, DH didn't see them that often. Then MSD and I got into the big fight and she's not allowed at the house at all. That was over a year ago and DH hasn't even spoken to her this whole time. She is pregnant again.

I think DH could make more of an effort with his kids and grand kids. He comes from a family though where his own mother never calls him or puts in an effort. DH has to call her. He could go years and not call her and she still would not call him. It's really sad. He's a better parent then his mother but he has carried over a lot of unhealthy parenting traits in my opinion.

I think with BM PASing the skids and enabling them the way she does, they are closer to her. She will take them in, take care of them, let them live with her, whatever, no matter how old they are, no matter what they did, no matter how many kids they had.

When MSD first got pregnant I was so excited but then over time I knew the baby would be used as a bargaining chip and I knew the baby would be used as a way to hurt me if I didn't do everything that MSD wanted. I knew that having a relationship with the baby would have strings attached.

Hopefully your SS's partner won't let her child be caught up in the drama of BM.

We are not involved with my SD's kids, DH had decided he was not going to play that game again. He was not going to be hurt again and have kids used as emotional weapons against him.

Sad, I know, but it is what it is. DH loves kids, he would love to be a part of their lives, and he'd be a wonderful grandpa, but SD is so far up BM's ass and he doesn't trust them, nor does he want them putting the grandkids in the middle.

Why not take the baby by itself and spend time with it? Mom gets a break and you guys get to have unhindered time with grandkid

Is SS still in the military? Is the baby mama military? I guess not that it matters.. just curious. Does SS even live anywhere near you or BM?

grandskids are a whole new category of abuse for sms. dh puts everyone before me in his priorities. at first the skids, then the son in laws and daughter in law. now with grandskids, i am further back in line.

happily i know karma will take care of this. it already had without my lifting a finger.

when gradskid comes i know it will be gaga as well. i will cease to exist for my dh and the skids. its a good thing i take care of myself.

Ughhhh....try even an ex step grand kids, for size. The only time they are in touch is for presents, which he damn sure better NEVER forget!

The kid has a bio granddad, a legal granddad and a pretend granddad; all in the same city--- and people say she is confused???????

It is the adults who have mental issues here, who are working hard to mess her up--and, there is not much going on--- without all of this.

The situation MAY be workable since your skid is male. Cultivate the babymamma, build a positive relationship with her since she holds the most leverage, and things could go well.

congrats Granny !!!!!!

start knitting them booties }:)

Willow dear... you've been through this before, why getting scared now, simply tell DH - it's not your kid it's your grand kid and it's up to SS to decide if you will be part of it or not, there's nothing you can do about it...

There's no reason for BM to be in your faces,

start working on your DH, he needs to get it... not his baby and not his problem, if SS sucks on BM's titties, DH have to accept it and never see his grand kid

Willow, you are a very wise woman. You will get past this and in a very short space of time I believe you will have a solution. Thinking of your new challenge xx

Just in case you are as lucky as us... Having a child has made SS26 grow up(!). He has completely cut out BM after finally realisisng the years of lies and manipulation he has endured... He did cut us out completely for a while at first so not all sweet... but the last few months have been lovely (probably because DH let him go and he came back!). The SGDs (2 and 6 - the eldest is SS's SD!) are delightful and we are seeing them all regularly, being treated with respect and love...

Good luck xxx