Getting things in place......and trying to keep calm

So, I've told my parents that I'm leaving my husband, with subtle hints as to what the final straw was.

I talk to a counselor tomorrow, hoping she can give me guidance on how/when to tell him that I'm done.

Have appointments this week to look at a few different places to move into with my boy(s). Talked to my oldest son about what was going on today and he's supportive and agrees I'm making the best decision.

Thinking of all the positives and trying not to have another fight with my husband while I'm getting my plan together. I'm sure he thinks I've finally learned my place since I've refused to be baited into any arguments with him. Meanwhile, I'm making notes to remind myself every time he says/does something that is controlling, verbally abusive, and hateful. I might bite my tongue in half from biting it so long, but I will not let him get to me. I no longer care enough to be mad, from now on this is just a business transaction.

Just wanted to give an update and tell you all thanks again for the encouraging words. It's nice to finally feel like I'm not crazy!

WifeVersion2.0's blog
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Sue is right. what you are

Sue is right. what you are doing is right. I missed your blog the other day about your argument, but just went back and read it. A lot of people don't know this, because I don't like to talk about it but I was married (very young and for a very short time) to a man who was like a Jekyll and Hyde. Nicest guy until he started drinking, then for some reason, the booze made ME the enemy. It all started with verbal abuse, he'd come home drunk, literally wake me up from a sound sleep to pick a fight, call me names, belittle me etc. That went on for a bit, then the locking me in the bedroom and blocking the door so I couldn't leave started, then the actual holding me down on the bed or in a chair, then the shoving started.. he actually shoved me over the back of the couch one night and I hit my head on the coffee table and it knocked me out for a few seconds. I called the police on that one and told him to leave. He did, but then started stalking and harassing because the man had to be in control.

The second he felt he lost control of me, he escalated big time. The final straw was the night he showed up at my apartment drunk and demanded that I let him in, when I refused, he smashed the glass in my front door and let himself in. By the grace of God, I was able to call 911 before he ripped the phone out of the wall and by the grace of God, there was a friend of his in the car waiting for him, who saw what he did and came in and pinned him down and restrained him until the police got there. when the police came, I didn't press charges because I was scared. I know it sounds dumb now, but I was. After spending an hour cleaning up his blood from my kitchen floor and cleaning up shattered glass and a sleepless night, I called my boss and told him I was going to be late and told him what was going on. He was the one who actually made me go and get a restraining order. He actually forbid me coming to work until I did it. I love the man to this day for that.

Thankfully for me, the restraining order was enough for him to stop his crap he moved in with his parents and we divorced. But it was a LONG time before I felt safe and that is a HORRIBLE way to live. I can't imagine living like that with a child!

Be safe, be smart and don't doubt yourself! [hugs}

Wow, how scary that must have

Wow, how scary that must have been, I'm glad you made it and are stronger for it.

The thing about abuse is it comes in so many different ways. My husband isn't often violent but his mind games are powerful. It takes me forever to go grocery shopping because I question myself on every purchase. We've lived in this house over 2 years and I have yet to decorate any of the living room because the first time I did he criticized every choice I made and we ended up in a huge fight. Now he complains there is nothing hanging on the walls and I just tell him I haven't decided what I want to do with the space.

I was so active in my church and the Sunday school program, I'm not super religious by most standards but I enjoyed the fellowship. I haven't been in years. He won't go, and he says I can go alone that he's not stopping me but the times I have actually tried that I've been "punished" by him either by being ignored, or him withholding affection, or him belittling me and calling me a phony Christian.

I've always enjoyed vacationing with my parents and we haven't done that except for the couple of times in the summer and even then it's on his terms and not what I would normally do. And I miss it. He doesn't talk to his parents except maybe two-three times a month, and I talk to mine almost daily. He's constantly putting me down for that and heaven forbid my mom give me clothes or something, then I get called a spoiled brat by him.

All these little things have done nothing but wear me down over the past 6 years. And I'm tired, so tired of it! I'm looking forward to a happier, healthier future.