Some days I want to pull my hair out!
This kid has gone to school late 4 times so far just this year and probably 10 times last year. This morning he left here at 11:30! I sent his father a text like I always do. His response: "Fuck! Really?" His action/response to junior when he got home from work? "Dude you need to quit staying up so late playing video games. You need to start getting to school on time. Don't make me ground you from your xbox." This should be recorded so he can just hit the replay button for all the future times he is late getting up. Same song, dance never changes. I'm sure he laughs at me because he knows I tell his father things and he knows nothing will happen (keep trying bitch...I'm untouchable). He has no bedtime. Sits up and raids my kitchen for food after we go to bed and plays games until he feels like he's ready for bed. Not one time has xbox been taken away. This kids almost 15. I am terrified he'll still be living here at 18. Why leave? Dad kisses my ass and let's me do whatever I want. Life is good. My dh is afraid of coming down hard on this kid. I think he feels sorry for him and what happened with his mother and that he's been a non existent father most of his life. So he wants to be cool dad. I love my husband but if junior is still here in 3 years I am telling him I'm moving and they can shack up together. That's if I can handle 3 more years of my chest tightening up every time I even see his face!
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The fact is, he's being a non
The fact is, he's being a non existent father now.
He is. He accepts the role,
He is. He accepts the role, doesn't play the part. Never has.
I don't think your DH has the
I don't think your DH has the faintest idea how to be a Dad. Not a freaking clue.
But I would issue an ultimatum... "I am not responsible for your son passing or failing school. This all reflects back on you. People will judge you by the way your son behaves. So either get serious and get reading about limits and boundaries and what to do with teen boys. Because either this all comes to an end when he is 18 or I am gone. The only exception would be if he is acing out his exams and going to a local college and helps out around the house.. Otherwise I am gone. Vamoosed. Departed. Kids do not learn by osmosis. They need discipline and a role model."
And what you can do.... put crap food out for him. Lock the rest of the food away. Sabotage the video games. Disconnect the internet at night after 10:30pm. Hide any batteries needs for controllers. Play loud rousing military music in the morning... starting at 6:30am and keep it up until he leaves the house. This is all about gaining control of your home. You can't MAKE him go to school but you CAN do whatever you damned well want to do when he is not supposed to be there. }:)
For the most part, I am
For the most part, I am disengaged from this kid. I do nothing for him. I honestly rarely speak to him. He doesn't talk to anyone in this house (myself, my 2 kids and even his father) unless he wants something or anyone tries to talk to him first. His father tries to engage "How's school?" for example, the only response he gets is "good". He has no desire to be an active part of this household anymore. He did when he first moved here but not anymore. Spends all his time in his room. Only comes out to feed and go to school or out to get high with his friends. He actually has friends so he must be a different kid outside this house. I see his personality similar to a wet rag.
As far as hiding food, I do that. He lives on sandwiches mostly. I'd have to hide all the bread to stop that and dh would come after me if I did. The internet I can control since my company pays for it and essentially I own it. Might try the disconnect tonight. It won't stop him from just playing offline though. Might just be a little more boring.
I only say things to dh about him in a fruitless effort that hopefully he'll get sick of it and do something.
So, he wants to be the cool
So, he wants to be the cool dad, who is completely failing his son. That's nice. I guess it's easier than actually being a parent. I get that he feels bad about the kid's mom but he needs a father, not a "dude".
Have you talked to your DH about what happens when junior is 18?
If your DH is not willing to do anything and lay down some rules, you are going to have to do what you can do yourself, like oneofour said.
I would just be beside myself and probably go nuts on both of them.
OMG. I could not abide that.
OMG. I could not abide that. DH needs to take some parenting courses STAT. He will RUIN that kid. RUIN. And the kid will HATE him for it. Doesn't your DH notice that part of why the kid does this (outside of "it's fun) is to see if DH will stop him and give him boundaries... you know- things that show you care?
Yep, he is still being an
Yep, he is still being an absent father and the kid knows it and feels it. Sure, a part of him thinks it's cool that he can do what he wants but a bigger part of him is thinking, "My dad just does not care."
My dh does the minimum to be
My dh does the minimum to be a parent. That day that this happened I got mad and he saw it. He knows I don't hide my feelings well. He said "You're mad because you didn't like the way I handled that". Yep. So he went back up to juniors cave and told him if he is late for school one more time he's taking his door off (yeah right). Also told him he was lazy and said if all his laundry wasn't done by the weekend (he hasn't done any in like 2 months) he wasn't going out. Ok dh, that's an improvement. He still doesn't give a shit about him.