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NEED TO VENT!! Feeling trapped and soo ready to blow my top!!

the wicked witch2's picture

Submitted by the wicked witch2 on Sat, 09/11/2021 - 7:40pm

My SS 22 has gotten on my last nerve. He is 22 and just got fired last week from his 3rd successive job!! He is a bot slow, but just could do much better if he only put forth more effort. He has been home for the last week jobless and just hanging around. DH and I told him he is either to be job hunting or doing things to help around the house., My issue is that unless he is being watched, he just sits on hiss assets and wastes time. I had hopes he would keep this last job and get a low income housing deal, but nope...not happeing now. He does STUPI things like leaviung a gallon of motor oil on top of the BBQ without a lid. Whne the wind cam, that motor oild is now splattered completey across my new concrete deck. He was told to clean it up, but I know in the end..its either not going to get done..or get done halfway. DH seems to support challenging him, but I know in the end, I am going to end up being the bad guy..which makes me all the more anxious., I feel trapped in this situation ! I want him out of my house!! I really dont care where he goes..I just am tired of being his source of external motivation. He is in a voc rehab program, and has been re-trained several times...he just lacks effort when it comes to doing the actual work and follwing  through. I have 3 bio kids at home..3 teenagers 17, 16 and 14. and should nt have to spend this much time babying his grown butt!! BTW..I have been married to DH for almost 18 years..This boy was 3 when I married his dad. I have tried so hard to do the right thing by him. He has just used me up and spit me out!! 

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the wicked witch2's picture

Submitted by the wicked witch2 on Sat, 09/11/2021 - 8:06pm

I know it would creat a battle between DH and I!! He has me so keyed up right now..I feel like a prisoner in my own home!! 

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Sat, 09/11/2021 - 8:10pm

Usually, the burning platform works (reducing the amenities) but with several other teenagers there who are functional, I don't know how that would work.  What does your DH say?

the wicked witch2's picture

Submitted by the wicked witch2 on Sat, 09/11/2021 - 8:16pm

DH is super passive about the whole situation. He acts like he supports me but I know in the end, I am the one who has to be the one who has to be the pushing force for him 

the wicked witch2's picture

Submitted by the wicked witch2 on Sat, 09/11/2021 - 9:15pm

I wish...she is not stable at all..so its just not an option. There are soo many jobs available right now, but he is not putting forth the effort to apply..and then there is his job history. He also ahs chose not to work on Sunday and would rather not work fast food. Hes limiting himslef!! 

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Sat, 09/11/2021 - 9:47pm

Is he getting allowance or pocket money?  Does he have use of your car?  Im wondering if there is something you can withhold unless he gets a job.  Aside from everything else, you can be sure the younger kids are taking notes ( if he can get away with it...).

the wicked witch2's picture

Submitted by the wicked witch2 on Sat, 09/11/2021 - 10:03pm

to be sure..and that ius the frustrating part...He has a car and is on our insurance (50 a moth for his car. Has been giving us $35 toward his cell phone a month and we did $50 /week for "rent" when he was working. IWe mosytly id that to ENCOURAGE him to find a low income place. UNPHASED!! I dont let him use the washer nad dryer here..as he abused it by leavving the lods in day after day...so he uses the laundromat. Have paused the rent while he unemployed@! 

shamds's picture

Submitted by shamds on Sun, 09/12/2021 - 2:38am

Of chores. If ss just laid about, the next day they had to go out to work, ss was locked out of the house in the clothes he had on, and no food or water all day. When the skids mum and stepdad got home, he now had to do everything before they woke up by not waking them up during the night or they would add on penalty days or kick him out again. 
it happened 1 time and he never did it again.

seriously, parents can get their kidults to do chores and have basic standards if they have the motivation and willpower for it.

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Submitted by TheAccidentalSM on Sun, 09/12/2021 - 10:09am

I believe that there was an outdoor tap with potable water.   It might be unsafe to leave someone with out access to fluids.

the wicked witch2's picture

Submitted by the wicked witch2 on Sun, 09/12/2021 - 6:16pm

lol..he is an adult..even though he has the kid mantality. I am working form hime. but after talking to DH, we have agreed that he should be gone during working hours looking foer a job until he has one!! I really dont care where..as long I dont stress having to monitor what the crap he is doing!! He wasted spooooo much time trying to look like he is doing something....and really never gets anything done!! 

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Submitted by Wicked stepmo. on Sun, 09/12/2021 - 6:52am

I agree that perhaps getting tough may be the solution. Everyday have SS get up and lock him out of the house while you and DH are at work. Tell him that he is expected to spend his day job hunting until he secures a job. 

the wicked witch2's picture

Submitted by the wicked witch2 on Tue, 09/14/2021 - 3:52pm

I had to work subbing yesterday, so I told SS to be out of th ehouse 8 to 5 actively looking for a job. He left before I did..and was gone will about the time I git home. He only made a couple of contacts. What he did do was go hang out and have lunch with his mom  for an hour and a half...> I am happy to say that he got a call back today and is starting a job tomorrow. It is a place that I actually did the contacts woith sice he has done little. He interviewed and goes tomorrow. I hope he can learn fromhis mastakes and keep this job!!  Is it unreasonsable for me to have feelings about him hanging out with his mom and all during the time he was supposed to be job hunting. My perception....complaining about me!!