This is my first time on this website.
My husband and I both brought children into our marriage from previous relationships.
I have a 12yr old daughter and my husband has a 19yr old daughter and a 17yr old son.
When we first moved in together back in 2003 the kids were 5,12 & 10.
My daughter has always lived with me, her father is not in the picture and we were never married.
My husband on the other hand was married and his ex had an affair and he ended the marriage.
His kids lived with their mom and only came to visit on the weekends.
Before we were married the kids were so young that they seemed like normal kids to me. I thought they were good, sweet kids. This began to change as my husbands daughter hit 15. My husband and I were married in 2006, and about that time his daughter completely changed. She went from a sweet little girl into a lying, stealing, sneaking out with boys, drinking and smoking brat.
My husband and I went through so much humiliating and stressful times because of this girl. Even though she lived with her mother and we only provided child support, we were the ones that the school or police would always call. Anyone in thier right mind would have high tailed it out of this relationship pronto. I absolutely dont know where I got the strength to stay through all of this. Whatever it was, a phase or, what my friend calls the terrible teens (of which I never went though and none of my friends growing up did this stuff either)...I think it is over. she seems to kind of be at least on the edge of normal. and by normal I mean not stealing and not participating in illegal activities. I guess this phase started to end around 17 and a half. Then the son started his apparent terrible teens. It all started, as I can remember, anyways when I was sent to pick up the kids from their moms house for the weekend, because of course she can not do anything. So I had to go to the middle school and pick up the son. I think he was about 14 or so, well when I got to the school I and asked to sign him out, as anyone that is a step knows there is always issues with the school and not being a real parent, so I just said I am here to pick up my son. When I was asked to meet with one of his teachers to pick up his report card that needed to be signed and returned. So I agreed. Big Mistake! This teacher proceeded to yell at me and lecture me on how horrible this kid was and how I obviously dont care if he makes it or not, blah,blah,blah...basically he was the class clown and did not give a sh... So I politely took the report card and said that I will discuss this with his father and get back to him. That was the begining of my husbands son coming to live with us. However the daughter stayed with mom. because at the time we had rules and mom obviously did not.
From that point on things were always stressed between my husband and I. His kids were total jerks and they had no manners. they would steal stuff from resturants when we went out to eat. they would skip school and watch inappropriate things on tv and the computer. They basically ran our house. Oh let me back up some. (The Daughter, when she was going through her stuff we grounded her and took away the cell phone and since she came to visit us on the weekends she could not go out with friends. This is when she started stealing and said it was because of the harsh punishment...of which my husband totally bought and blamed me for thinking she needed to be punished in the first place. consequently it has been this same way ever since.)
Anyway, back to the son, he decided to go suicidal and twice attempt suicide. we have had him hospitalized and counseling and everything. He is mean and uses this as an excuse when he doesnot get his way. my husband is in the army and last year had to go for training for 7 months. he wanted to leave me alone with this kid who has threatened me and does not listen to a thing I say. but before we could come up with a solution he attacked me again, because I reminded him that he was supposed to come straight home after school and check in with me. That was the last staw, I almost called the police to report him. Anyway he went back to live with his mother. of which I thought this would be permanent and I would not have to deal with this crap anymore. but upon my husbands return he insisted that the son come back to live with us which was total hell. not only is it stressfull between my husband and I, but my daughter has to deal with this crap to. My husbands son is also gay, and he shows images of gay porn to my daughter and discusses things with her that I find inappropriate. when I complain to my husband he just laughs it off and says that is no bid deal. The last time he stole my daughters laptop out of her room and went on so many gay porn sights that as soon as you login obsene pictures start popping up. I absolutely cant stand the thought of my husbands kids after all that they have put me through. The 19yr old lives with her cousin and the 17yr old recently moved to NewMexico to live with a friend. My husband is acting all depressed that his son has left and I am jumpping for joy that I can sleep at night and not wonder what is happening to my little girl upstairs with that creep.
My husband and I constantly get into fights over his kids. He likes to say that I dont know how to have a family, since I was an only child and they are not my real children. It is so old. In february I am going away to basic training, since I just joined the service. I will be gone for 6yrs. My husband and I just had a fight this morning, since we are going on a trip for a week and I did not ask his daughter to come stay at our home and feed the dogs while we are away. He threw the whole thing that I dont see her as a daughter and crap. I dont know what to do with myself. On one hand I feel like I have a responsibility to this marriage and these kids and on the other hand I get so angry to think I wasted most of my twenties on a stressful relationship and braty hateful kids who hate me. Not to mention the bad influence these kids have been on my daughter. Just this morning he told me that it doesnt matter cause I have already made my decisions (join the service, which he was in total agreement with) and I wont have to deal with this anymore. I feel like running away from these crazy people.....what is wrong with me? I dont care if I ever see his kids again. and maybe him for that matter. Help!