who knew i'd wind up here??
I unexpectedly fell into a relationship with a wonderful man. I have never been married, no kids. He, of course is divorced with 2 children. I really like the kids and we are slowly but surely building a good relationship. I despise the ex-wife... Any of this sound familiar? lol
I'm here because I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut. My sweetie is very passive when dealing with his ex and of course, I don't like it. I don't think she is on top of things, in some ways I think she is downright neglectful. Then there is the additional "monkey wrench" that we are an interracial relationship and the BM's family has a HUGE problem with this. He says the BM doesn't. I am not buying it, but until or unless she says/does anything, I am not going to make that an issue.
Anyways, I'm just hanging out here, feeling less alone as I try to navigate through this very interesting scenario. Never did I think I would wind up here!! But he is a good man, and this feels very much like "The One"... Assuming, of course, that I can keep it together when I'd really like to cause bodily harm to the BM... sigh... "God grant me the serenity..."
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Good luck yea I understand my
Good luck yea I understand my Husband is real passive with his kids BM it drives me crazy at times but I can not see my life without him so this site keeps me semi sane
so do you keep your mouth
so do you keep your mouth shut? or talk to him about it? or is keeping quiet what allows you to remain sane?
Oh we are both Irish and he
Oh we are both Irish and he is a red head we have some yelling matches :jawdrop: it does not seem to make much of difference he just thinks it must be part of my PSTD I was getting real bad then got to this site and it helps a lot just seeing the same issues and much harder ones. His ex tells his BS both 11 and 17 to call him by his given name and when we got engaged contacted a old BF from high school we are in 40's and above lol and got married to him told his kids to call him Dad sigh I disengage a lot which is hard because I care a lot for these boys I can see myself in them a lot I was a SD myself I do understand some of the difficulties from that side. Now the race thing I do not have much dealing with I know when my husbands father died BM came to the funeral ok understandable but then back to his mothers house sat talking to the aunts mom so on I felt so out of place stayed talking with kids mostly it was a sudden unexpected death he was in later 60s oops I would not suggest the yelling matches lol but I would try to talk to him just do not expect that to change some times they truly do not see the same things we do
thanks. I have been working
thanks. I have been working on biting my tongue, but I am very opinionated. He is good about listening to me and has actually acted on some things where there were obvious deficits. He hasn't been very hands on, gives her lots of "good mom" credit, but as an outsider, there are more red flags flying than I can keep quiet about. The interracial thing doesn't seem to phase the kids at all, even though they live in a rural, homogeneous area, and before me I am not sure they dealt with much "other". I guess you're right about them not seeing what we see. sometimes I just look at him like "really??", how do you not see that. My parents are divorced and I try to give the BM the benefit of the doubt, but I really just thinks she's not a very nice person. I do think that having divorced parents, with remarried father who has children with his new wife (well, not so new anymore, lol) helps me relate to the kids and be sensitive to their needs. the BM? well, I could back over her with one of those tractors they have in their yard and keep it moving...
appreciate your opinion!!
If you'd like to practice
If you'd like to practice backing over a BM before you attempt it on her, I'll jot down an address for you. I'll even throw in an ex husband so you can have even more practice.
I kid, I kid. If you actually backed over SD's BM then SD would come to live here full time :jawdrop: