Baby steps
Only a tiny problem (out of the million tiny problems) I want to tackle today.
as I sat there listening to my partner "oh no darling, daddy loves you" on the phone to his SS10 (ew ew ew sorry makes me feel uncomfortable hearing it all)
basically BM only allows SS to call when she's standing over him telling him what to say. Not only is this training him to manipulate his dad, but of course his dad wants to defend himself against allegations- putting SS in an unfair position. Today's phone was call was because he wanted them for an extra night. BM always complains he doesn't have them enough- and then when he offers she pretends she didn't get the request. She got SS to call to say he was lying he never sent anything blah blah.
has anyone got advice as to what to say to SS? I just said I don't think my partner should entertain that- the only reason SS calls is because my partner has blocked BM via email (she used to send pages of abuse and she needs her narcisstic supply!) how do you explain to a child that he shouldn't be put in that position? It's like SS10 is on her side- and my partner can't see that. He can't see SS10 is picking up quite a few of BMs traits. But the phone calls need to stop- it's BMs direct link to my partner and uses her son as a mouth piece.
thanks everyone- I know you will most likely have lots of pearls of wisdom!
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Comments
Next time the child calls, he
Next time the child calls, he should just say "Pass me your mother, please".
"This is between me and your
"This is between me and your mom, don't want you in the middle - love you, bye. "
I'm confused though- you are saying he requested another day and she says he didn't? How do they communicate?
Basically he bought a
Basically he bought a separate mobile phone- he only allows her to text that. We leave it in a drawer and check it a couple of times a week. She was just taking over our lives and even when we ignored what she said in the emails- it still got to us mentally I suppose. We just had to cut her off.
he text her about extra time- and she pretended she didn't get it (it said delivered & read!)
the kids call directly to his mobile. I think their mum only allows them to call to dig him out.
Honestly? With this type of
Honestly? With this type of BM, don't request extra time, it will just become a game. And if SS gives him a hard time on BM's behalf, he needs to end the conversation. He shouldn't be party to her using the kids to abuse him by proxy.
Good job on the spare phone. Great way to contain her BS.
I agree that DH has to be the
I agree that DH has to be the responsible adult and insist that SKs stay out of adult business. If they bring it up he needs to simply say he is not discussing X issue with them and BM can text him about it.
Then change the subject. If SKs continue then he needs to say he loves then and will talk to them later.