Best way to tell 14y old SD to Back OFF!!!
Whoa! Hello everyone! It's been awhile! Mainly because we moved to another city and didnt have anything to deal with (Bliss!!) However, my SD visits us few to.es a year...she is now 14.5. We gave two little ones ages 3 and 1. And last few times SD visited I've noticed that she seems to think that she gets to Parent my kids...For some crazy reason...Even when I am in the Room she tries to tell them what they can and Can't do...she tells then NO a lot...she tells them "Don't cry" or "Stop crying!!" Which is something I don't do, and am working g on my husband so that he stops saying that als. Kids CRY, and should be able to express their emotions imo...whatever they may be. If that makes people uncomfortable that's their problem. In general I try to be a much more of a Positive parent. Unlike SDs mother. I remember when she was little, her my m would tell her to "Stop Coughibg!". I couldn't wrap my head around that one. But I know that this is how she was raised by BM and GBM...Its fine....EVERYoNE does the way the week its best...Which brings us to my question....How do I nicely tell her to Stop trying to parent our kids! Stop bossing them around. Stop trying to control what they do/don't do around dinner table when I am Clearly there and will ha dle it...And I know the way my kids will respond the best. I read numerous booms on parenting just so that I can Learn how to handle behaviors in the beat way....I don't need to me teenager who has no clue about parenting trying to take over! It causes Anxiety and makes me feel overwhelmed when she does this. So anyone has some helpful Tim's on how to gently let her know she is out of her place and that I Got it! Thank you Mamas!
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Oh geez! Sorry about ALL
Oh geez! Sorry about ALL typos! I'm posting from my phone!
It is common for older kids
It is common for older kids to try and parent younger ones. Try replying 'you are not the parent I am'. Maybe DH could explain to her that growing up means understanding you can't control other people and yes, sometimes small children are loud or cry etc but she needs to find other ways to deal, leave the room, earphones,etc.
Sadly, due to BM she thinks parenting is just getting a child to stop bothering her.
Yeah! That sums it up pretty
Yeah! That sums it up pretty much...She just wants them to stop bothering HER.
Well hate to tell you Hun, but this is Their house and I'm w them ALL the time and KNOW what works best! So Step Aside! ...<<--- that's what I Wish I Could say!! Lol
Well ya know..DH was always a
Well ya know..DH was always a FUN, Weekend type of Dad. Never really Had to deal w any major behaviors...she saved those for her BM. And he never really tells her Anything that could make her get upset w him...you know that kind!? So I highly Doubt that he will say anything...It would be great if he does..But I'm not counting on it. However, he does Wants me to share MY feelings more and tell him if something g is bothering me and he wants us to talk more...says it builds more Intimacy in the marriage. Which I agree with, so should be interesting what he says when I tell him this bothers me
Yeah, god forbid he ever does
Yeah, god forbid he ever does or says something that will get her Mad at him....while on the other hand..HE had to Remind HER that it's his Birthday so she could say Happy B-day. Ugh So frustrating! And I don't buy that she Forgot...because she was on FB and FB lets u know whe its someone's birthday...just Selfish!
She is back home now, butI
She is back home now, butI just want to be Ready for Next time...and there is a chance we may move Back(ugh) ...and Um not putting up with this..no Way! Forgot to mention it makes my kids feel Overwhelmed too...when you have all these adults barki g at them telling them to stop doing this, stop doing that ..
Bahahah hey! Maybe I should
Bahahah hey! Maybe I should teach them to tell her: "You aren't my Mom!"
You look at her and say
You look at her and say this:
Im their mother. Not you. Stop bossing the babies around. If there is something going on with them, I will handle it not you. You're a child yourself. If their crying bothers you, feel free to excuse yourself to another room. Not one more word from you, miss. I am their mother. Not you.
If anyone says a word back, tell them to zip it. Your castle. You're the queen. Only room for one alpha female. I don't just give the advice, I practice it. I went head to head with my former sd for butting in with my son. Talking OVER me. I told her in NO uncertain terms that she had better NEVER do that again. She took her shit and left. Her father was so shocked that he even told her to shut up. Of course, Disney dad that he is, it didn't last but I made it clear that this was my home and she needed to move on. She went to her mother's and stayed there. That was three years ago. I still don't want to be in the same room with the snot. And won't be. Brat ass.
You don't have to accept this. And your husband can shut it or she can go home to her mother.
I think you need to go at
I think you need to go at this from a nicer angle, if you come at her angry and all "I'm the MOM back off" you'll just upset the situation even more. She's only doing what she knows, you need to show her a new way.
What if you had a talk with her and said, I want you to love and enjoy your siblings, I don't want you to feel responsible for them. I appreciate that you want to help and you want them to grow up to be good people but why don't you let me be the bad guy. Dad and I will tell them when they are doing something wrong and you play with them.
I know that behind your back, or even to your face, she may say that she does it because the kids are brats or that she only does it because you don't. But don't play that game. Make it about her not having to do that job, not about her taking it away from you.