I am a SM of 5 years. What I struggle with is feeling like I'm not any part of importance in my SD8 life. Wondering what role is a step parent suppose to have for the child? I feel like I put time and money into her and there is no connection between us. My bf, her father, tries to include me in everything they do when I'm there and shows that I'm important. He has a complete bond with her and she is wrapped around his finger, the type of healthy father/daughter relationship. I never had that with my dad, perhaps that is why I'm struggling with mine and my sd8 relationship.
Yes, at times I will feel connected with her but those are very seldom. Most of the time she respects me with the occasional testing my limits. I guess it's also tough because I'm not very assertive and she see's this. I also struggle with low self esteem and am insecure. I find myself not acting like me anymore, having a hard time caring for someone that doesn't have a bond with me, feel like I'm not that great of a step mom. Then I start to have a feeling o
Sometimes I just wonder if my BF can do better and find someone more fit to be a step mom for her. Someone more natural.
How can I stop feeling insignificant and actually be significant? Puzzled

About three days ago, I found out that SD8 had a birthday party to go to when she was suppose to spend the weekend with us. When we asked her about it she didn't sound remotely interested. Then we discussed it at her moms and suddenly she wanted to be at the party. I explained to my BF that I was not in favor of any of it but he let her go to the party instead. One of the many reasons why sometimes I feel like my opinion doesn't matter and I have no impact on this child's life. I did talk to him about it after the fact and he didn't give me any input or disagreement. He asked if I wanted to even be involved in the decision making of her life and that I didn't seem to object to the previous situation. I did explain that yes I did state I wasn't happy about the scenario of her going to that party. I need to speak with him again so I can get more input from him.
I need to know soon if I am suppose to continue being a step mom or not...