Well I guess she doesn’t come over anymore. I sure as hell would not leave. 

That is important to know? Maybe this insane request from his preteen princess will wake him up... if not he is probably lost to her.

She is not coming over anymore.  If she does disengage from her.  No buying her anything, driving her anywhere,no money, not invited on any vacations or fun activities 

I didn't think kids get the choice of not coming, at 11 yrs old.  I see you are from Australia?  Maybe there are different rules to the UK (where I am) and the USA where the majority of ST members hail from?  

Regardless, if you want to stay with your DH, do not be intimidated by this child's attempted emotional blackmail.  An 11 yr old should not have this amount of power.  However it seems like your DH is inclined to favour his BD over you? if that is the case, you are probably better off without him.  

Edited to say - I just went and read your first blog post.  Your DH sounds like a dick.  

So I take it you have finally went back to work if you have the ability to just pack up and leave now? If so, good for you.

But whether your Dh and you spilt up is not a decision his oldest daughter gets to make. No, he does not have to select between her or you. 

If the father is gutless enough to literally toss you and his younger child based on the whim of an 11yr old, there i either much more to this story or your Dh and you already have many issues, none actually being the 11yr old. How often does the 11yr old have parenting time with her father? 

Nothing stopping the father from taking some visitation time outside of the home. Of course the child may not be able to see her father as often as she currently does (depends on the current schedule) , but it is the child who has made the restriction. You can not possibly be expected to up and leave the home whenever and for however long the child comes over. 

Is your Dh currently asking you to now that SD11 his demanded it? 

If you were me, and I kind of hope you aren't because I am too cheeky for my own good, I would tell my DH, "go ahead, choose her...because once she is grown, moves out and finds a life for herself, I am sure she will still make time for you...." We all know empty nests come eventually. He is choosing temporary peace to an entitled child instead of his life long happiness (if there is any to begin with)

What happens is they choose the kid thinking that it was the Step then partner after partner they eventually figure out it wasn't the steps at all but their precious snowflakes. They tell themselves that's a part of being a parent and making sacrificing but really they are just enabling their children and setting themselves up for a lonely future catering to their children. When he is 80 and in a nursing home because his daughter can't make the time to choose between her life and taking care of him, maybe he will reflect back on you and the family y'all could of have. 

From your prior post it sounds like you would not be all that sad if he chose SD.  So let him choose.  Tell him you're not going anywhere to facilitate her coming to your home.  If he chooses her, get as much child support and other assistance as you can and take your BD and start over.  Your BD won't be missing much - her father doesn't treat her equally anyway.  Your husband sounds like a complete ass who deserves his spoiled SD - let him have her if he wants; you'll be better off without him.

I've been in this exact situation

Many years ago, my OSD gave Dh an ultimation, that it was her or it was me

She had been living with us full time back then (because BM couldn't handle her at 16 so threw her out/moved her in with us, conveniently one week after I had moved in with DH) and by the time she was 18 was making it very clear that she couldn't stand me and wanted me gone, and by 19 figured all she had to do was tell DH to dump me, for no good reason other than she 'just didn't like me after all' and DH should jump right to it

I figured that would either completely end my relationship with my DH, or it would finally settle once and for all exactly how things would go...up until that point my OSD had been getting away with far too much; walking around our home completely ignoring me, couldn't so much as answer when i greeted her let alone ever say hello and/or goodby to me, subtle sarcastic comments hinting at being aimed at me to not so subtle openly meant for me, to direct rude, hostile and abusive behaviour towards me

All the while destroying my marriage with DH as I was in total shock that he would alllow his daughter/anyone, to be so openly hostile and bullying to me. And DH couldn't stand to have to admit that his daughter was anything less than perfect, even though he was secretly so embarrassed, disappointed and completely furious with her.

She finally decided to move herself back in to BM's, didn't say a word to us, just did it and we found out after the fact. She then proceeded to do what your SD did, gave DH the ultimation. She honestly felt that as DH's eldest daughter, she was and should have been the single most important thing in his life, so much so, that all she had to do was say she didn't like me and DH should have dumped me already

She literally said to him that I was "JUST" his (then) girlfriend, and that she was his "DAUGHTER' and it didn't matter WHY she didn't like me, just the fact she said that to him I should have been gone already

This was absolutely however, her final outdoing in this situation. She forced DH to finally have to deal with it

For the first time he stood up to her, stood his ground, and stood up for me..then again, he knew the whole issue was her - she had the problem with me, she was jealously insecure about DH's relationship with me and felt I had replaced her

So DH told her at this point, that as her father, if he felt for one moment that the lady in his life had mistreated her in any way well ya, she (I) would be gone so quick it wasn't funny. If on the other hand, he felt that the only reason his daughter didn't like his girlfriend was because his daughter was throwing a jealous temper tantrum, then the best thing he could do for her as her father, was to absolutely not dump his girlfriend. 

DH then confirmed with her that there was no way he was spitting up with me. That he hoped she would one day get onside with it all and accept it, but if she chose not to then it was her decision in life to make, not ours

So she lost, and was really furious about it

She stopped taking DH's calls, refused for the most part to ever set foot in our house, but still did go to all DH's family events - so we saw her for all the usual holidays; birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc...

She was extremely rude and hostile to us during those times, especially to me, but she didn't completely walk out of his life

She did however pull the other thing your SD did, she then said she would see DH from time to time (like for her birthday lunch out for example, but I was absolutely not to be there, she refused to see him if I would be there)

I hoped DH would stand his ground on that one too but at first he didn't. I guess her figured it was a good compromise. But it didn't last long as apparently anytime they would get together she would vent non stop about her life, me, how awful everything was etc...and if DH tried to tell her to stop, that he wanted her to be more accepting, she would throw a total fit saying she didn't have to have anyone in her life that she didn't want to be around and wouldn't be around me

Evertually DH just stopped getting together with her alone because he was fed up and could see it wasn't going to work. 

Only when he (and I) pretty much completely disengaged from her, did she start to come around

Certainly far from perfect with her still, and she's in her mid 30's now, but there are no major issues

So, I sincerely hope your DH will put his foot down with your SD. Let her know that you're not going anywhere, and hopefully she will learn to accept that. If she doesn't then it's her choice, but she will not dictate his or your life. 

Please keep us posted!