Am I way off base here?
So......Saturday night DH gets a couple of texts from one of his old friends from high school that just happens to be a girl. DH was kind of concerned with what she had texted him so he calls her. She tells DH that he's the only one that she knows that has gone through a divorce with children and wanted to talk with him.
Now I'm no rocket scientist, but I can at least list six people that I work with right off of the top of my head that have gone through divorces with children. In fact 50% of first marriages end in divorce so I'm doubting the fact that he is the only one that she knows that went through a divorce with kids involved.
This of course sparked my interest so I asked DH if he slept with this girl and of course his answer was yes. I have a gut feeling about this incident with this girl. I don't think she was calling to get any advise or questions answered. In fact I was out in the garage when he called her. She sent him a text the next day apologizing for her behavior and told him to apologize to me as well.
The issue I have with this is DH has a hard time setting boundaries with other women. His excuse is that he just doesn't see it when it's happening because he doesn't think this way and he can't understand why I would get upset with some chick going after him, when they know he's in a relationship, because he wouldn't do anything. My thoughts are, if you're going to try and wreck my marriage because you have no since of pride or morales you're going to get the horns. I will not stand by and let someone flat out disrespect me without doing something about it.
Here's an example of what I'm talking about. There is a 16 year old girl that lives across the street. Apparently, which I just found out about not all to long ago, she came over to use our computer for school work while I was still at work. According to DH when he was getting the computer going for her she reached over and put her hand on his thigh. Another incident would be just before we left to get married she came over while we were in the garage and while DH was leaning up against the counter she sat on the hood of my car and basically stuck her legs in between DH's right in front of me. When I spoke to DH about what happened he said that he didn't notice, which I believe. But this is where the issue comes into play. He doesn't see it and I get pissed with the out right disrespect.
Am I in the worng here? I really want to send the girl that he spoke to on Saturday night a facebook message telling her that I am sorry about her divorce but she needs to realize that DH is married now and her advances towards him are unwanted in our hosuehold.
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Do it and after that make
Do it and after that make sure you and your DH blocks her from facebook...
and cel phone
Sounds like you have trust
Sounds like you have trust issues with him....It is all in the way he handles it. My DH is friends with several girls from HS on Facebook and recently went out to dinner with one. I have no problem with it, because I trust him....It is all in what your relationship is like. Now if it were BM, that I would have problems with....
Our issues, or at least mine
Our issues, or at least mine with him, steam all the way back to the start of our relationship. He allowed his ex wife to stalk him for the first year of our relationship. He allowed her to do things like send him texts telling him that she still loved him, she would come over to the house when both DH and I were at work, she sent pictures of herself via text, this list can go on and on.
When I asked him to tell her to stop and that he was in a committed relationship he would respond with, "I don't want to hurt her feelings." It finally took me blowing up on him before he finally began setting boundaries with her.
In my book there is no
In my book there is no allowing of talking or staying connected to anyone my husband has laid with in the past. My husband has had two women he laid with from the past tried to get connected to him on facebook and I had simply deleted one of them and the other had request to be part of his facebook friends and I had also put her on the ignore list of facebook.
I do not believe you can be friends with someone you had already laid with.
in my mind if as a wife you letting this happen all you are doing is saying you are okay with it and fueling the other womans dream that she will be with him once again.
Besides the point who wants to stay friends with someone they laid with?
I am not friends with anyone from my past that I laid with.
Its bad enough I have to put up with the BM and fars I know to what he says and I will make sure of it. She will be gone and out of our lives when the kids are 18.
In my book there is no
In my book there is no allowing of talking or staying connected to anyone my husband has laid with in the past.
____________________________________________________________________
My thoughs exactly.
That's the thing Ripley. He
That's the thing Ripley. He can't hande a situation if he can't see it and that's his excuse for not doing the things that he should do or handling the situation before it gets out of hand.
Thanks Ripley. I always
Thanks Ripley. I always appreciate your advise.
Actually I should be more
Actually I should be more clear about that. He does know when I delete these people he was the one that said go ahead. He does know where I stand with this.
Just about the same as he does. We do have each other passwords and he is free to roam my social networks as I do his.
However the two women I did delete were the two women that was causing us problems while we were living together, enaged, got married.
I was rather surprise the second one would even had the guts wait two years and see if she could become part of his social network. He had really never accepted her she just stayed in the be friend list and I waited two weeks to see what he would do before I said anything.
Some men are clueless and
Some men are clueless and some are secretly flattered.
Mine fell into the clueless team. We were shopping one day and he was checking out the frozen bagels. This chick was all over him. My Chick Alert radar bounced into life 3 isles over and I wandered over. I sais something like "Honey! What bagels are you getting? I prefer the sesame seed ones. Can you get me some?" She beat a hasty retreat. And he had no clue. I asked him what she wanted or if he knew her from work. Nope. He thought she was just asking info about bagels. No, dear. You told him these are your boys. You aren't wearing a ring (prior to marrying me). And when I turned up she took off. She was interested in YOU.
Seriously he had no clue. Now he asks "Was she flirting with me?" No/Yes and if she makes a move I will let her keep you...
This woman should not have been calling your DH when she knows he is now married. And reverse the situation. Would he like some man you know to call you and you take the call in the garage while he tells you all about his crappy wife?
I've tried the reverse the
I've tried the reverse the situation and he didn't really care. It was all about how I trust you and know you wouldn't do anything. I know that's complete crap. He would be upset regardless of how much he trusted me because it's flat out disrespectful not to mention I only found out last night that he's had sex with this chick because I asked him after we started to argue about the situation from the previous night.
That's funny. My Dh gets hit
That's funny.
My Dh gets hit on all of the time. He is hot. He says he doesn't notice it, but I know he does. It boosts his little male ego.
I am pretty ok with it if it is people we don't know, and will never see again. What gets to me is his employees. They are freakin shameless. I would be scared to make advances at a boss the way these girls have. Sick sick sick. And they all know he is married.
It happens all the time...I
It happens all the time...I was at the dentist last week and they hygenist figured out that DH was my husband. Spent twenty minutes telling me how funny he is and so charming. I mentioned it to him later, he says he has flirted with her for years....I could care less, but I did give him a hard time, just so he knows I am paying attention....We go out for dinner and I have seen waitresses and hostesses flirt with him until they see me....I enjoy it. Makes me know he still looks really good and he is with me...
It truly is all about trust of your partner. I know he would never cheat on me. He may do something else, but that he would never do.
I'm sure that he didn't know
I'm sure that he didn't know that she was going to do that. He was just trying to help her out by letting her use the computer. I really don't want her at the house. I knew she had a thing for him. I could tell by the way she acts and the fact that she can't take her eyes off of him when he's around her. I really didn't think anything was to serious about the situation because she's a kid. Sh!t, the 11 year old boy next door has a crush on me. But the hand on the thigh thing pissed me off. It's not only that it pisses me off. He just told me about it not all to long ago and I think that it happened months prior to his confession to me. I think it's great the he was honest, but why did it take so long to tell me about it? It's not like he just forgot about it. He told me that he felt really uncomfortable after she did that and she left shortly after. So why was it months later that I found out about it?
Lol. You crack me up
Lol. You crack me up saffron5567.
The 11 year old is innocent. He just looks at me and smiles and tries to show off on his bike if I happen to be out front while he riding around. If he were to ever touch me in a way that made me feel uncomfortable I would address it with him and probably talk to his mother.
The 16 year old on the other hand is a little different. She will blatantly make advances towards my husband right in front of me. I just told DH that the next time this happens he had better address her behavior with her and let her know that he is not interested and it needs to stop or I'll be having a little chat with her mother about it.
lol. Gets on my nerves when
lol. Gets on my nerves when SD12 is all over him... GRR! She's a "little" (very developed) angel in front of him but when he's not around she's her sisters bully!
My DH is very friendly,
My DH is very friendly, funny, thoughtful and not bad looking. He's very innocent, and I've told him that he can't be treating people all special because they get the wrong idea. He's always cracking jokes with waitresses and making small talk to the point that I feel they come check on HIM not us.
One of his co-workers (fat ugly lady luckily) once told him that she'd like to talk to him about his divorce since she was going thru one then. She asked him to do this over dinner, and a red flag went up for me (then just boyfriend & girlfriend) but I said nothing. WELL.... he calls me to say how it went. He decided he would pick her up since they lived in the same community (thoutful and innocent). I asked, why?! she has a car. Oh i gets better, she proceeds to get drunk and offer sexual favors, to which he is SHOCKED and declines of course. THEN he ends the little outing by taking her back to her house. :jawdrop: As he was telling me this I could not believe it. REALLY?!?! you still gave her a ride back to her house?. I pointed out how wrong this was and how he would feel if it was me in his shoes. I seemed to get it, but it was such a fight because he couldn't see this woman's intentions as I did.
Men can be so "innocent" to the point of stupidity!! Seriously.
Yours sounds like my sweetie,
Yours sounds like my sweetie, who is drop dead gorgeous and a musician too. He is so friendly and nice to everyone, sincerely so, from babies to old folks. When we first were dating, we hung out with his bitch sister, who was nice until we got married. She had a friend who is a drunk and quite unattractive, sad to say, who would glom onto him with a huge full body hug whenever she saw him. He would blush and stand there like a stick. I finally got sick of it (although not threatened by her) and told him to stop her. It was ridiculous.
Nicely, he's more worried about men hitting on me, he says they stare at me in public all the time (I have big girls if you know what I mean). I don't notice, maybe I've blocked it out all my life, used to think I was homely and that's why people were staring. Honestly. Had a really cold mother who never complimented me, in fact scolded me if I gave myself a compliment.