Blog #4 on BM incidents.
I have written in my last couple a blogs about the major issues happening the last two weeks with BM...Welp...here comes the biggest SHOCKER to everyone...
My not so DH was off Wednesday - and I was working. He was supposed to work all this weeked so the plan to be able to see the kids was to get them Thursday after school - do their homework, hang out, go to dinner, bathe them- put them in their pj's...and take them home around 8:30...
Welp...low and behold...I am at my ONE of my part-time jobs...when...in walks my guy and the kids...? They all looked like they had been crying? Eyes red...The kids instantly start crying and throw their little arms around me. He says, "I'll let them tell you..." They start telling me how mommy PUNCHED sd9 - grabbed sd7 by the arm and THREW her on the floor...hit them repeatedly and threw them on their bed in their room? They were SO scared!
Around 4:00...the kids hadn't even been home for hell...an hour - when BM calls my guy...he said he picked up the phone and she SCREAMED into the phone, "Come get your f***ing kids - I just beat the F out of them!" and hung up!
He got in the car and went to get them - no answer at the door- the door was unlocked he went in and she was just sitting on the couch...and he says, "Where are they?" She says in their room...He said he walked all over the damn house because he had never been in there and could hear them crying - he opened a door and there they were...hugging and crying SO hard on the bed - and even their baby brother to the other guy was in there with them just playing on the floor with some wire hangers? He said come on - get your backpacks - you are coming with daddy - go outside and wait for me...they did.
On his way out - he says - I'm taking them - she says, "GOOD" he says - this is what you wanted. And you know what this means - you will NOT get them back...they will come VISIT you...and you will lose that CS I pay you. She says, "FINE TAKE ME TO COURT." He filed a police report ; ) That way she can't say he kidnapped them. That was it... End of story. The only thing she did was send him a text after they went to bed to see if HER kids were okay. He just said "yup" that was it...He had them try to call her last night(Thursday)...because we know they DO miss her...she didn't answer or call back. Their grandmother (BM's mother) did have the nerve to call and CRY into the phone of course to make them and us feel guilty. we kept them out of school yesterday - we both took off work so they could have a day to recoop. We took them to school and picked them up today- I am keeping them tomorrow while he works...I figure we will go do some girl stuff...and Sunday we are both off...the only issue is - they want to go home Sunday...There are literally 32 days of school left for them - We don't want to pull them out of school nor can we transfer them right now -WHAT A MESS. Oh and today we had them call her again - after they talked for a whole two minutes...she asks to talk to their dad - he gets on the phone and she asked "how their behavior" has been - he says, "They've been fine" she SCREAMS again into the phone, "OF COURSE THEY ARE" and hangs up??
the issue is...the kids do want to go home...they WANT to see their mom...we won't deprive them of that BUT we are so worried about the PAS factor...we know it will happen. We were hoping to make it work and keep them until Tuesday evening atleast because we both HAVE to go back to work Wednesday...but I think they really want to go home Sunday ; ( We pretty much told them they can go home when they are ready...I just didn't think it would be this soon...I guess 4 nights probably seems like an eternity to them. They will be back Friday and Saturday night...I guess we just need to hold our breath until school is out...and to top it all off - she is probably going to move them for the 14th time in 5 years to move back in with baby daddy whom she has already left 3 times...
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We can't take them to school
We can't take them to school - well we could Monday/Tuesday but they said they want to go home to their house and see their baby brother ;( We only have one vehicle right now (the motor blew in our nice car lol) and I work nights - so he takes the car to work during the day. He goes to work at 5 am the next 3 weeks and his schedule is forever changing. I just keep thinking 30some more days of school left - summer will be here and they can just come stay and maybe we can register them in the school district here. IT SUCKS.
And they want to see their mommy...it makes me SO sad. I HATE HER and what she's doing to them but SHE is their MOM. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SO FRUSTRATING! And they are young - so they just don't understand what their mommy is doing is SO wrong.
You do know that since you
You do know that since you guys know of the abuse, you filed a report, the kids have told you, BM has told you she abuses them, ect. That when you give them back to her that the Jude will look down apon you and more than likely you will get child engagement and neglect charges for putting those kids back into such an abusive situation.. your DH is responsible for protecting those kids, taking care of them, making sure they are safe. He is doing none of that by sending them back to BMs and any judge in his right mind would rip your DH a new one for this. I can't believe he is sending them back. What happened when he filed the report?? Why did she not go to jail?? There is absolutely no reason why the police wouldn't have locked her up, put a restraining order on her for the kids and then a judge would've immediately given your DH full custody. Something is really off here because none of that happened. So I'm not sure what you left out or why but this definitely is raising some red flags for me.. it just makes zero sense why DH would send his poor and defenseless kids back to BM when she punches and abuses them. What kind of dad does shit like that?? And what kind of law enforcement would allow those kids to go back after they made a report on her abuse?? And why is she not in jail?? I'm just really confused on this whole situation. I feel horrible for your poor SKids... They must be so torn apart and confused after their own Mom beat them and now they probably are scared shitless bc dad is sending them back there. Even if they want to go, it just goes to show how emotionally messed up they are bc of all of this.
They have NO bruises. Not
They have NO bruises. Not one mark. I do feel extremely horrible for the kids...I DO however the police said we'd have to prove her an unfit mother...she was just "disciplining her children"- I agree with a smack on the butt...closed fist- HELL NO- if she beat the hell out of them there'd be bruising- I am actually thinking it was just her first time ever disciplining them- she snapped and didn't want to feel guilty- I wasn't there- I feel awful about what's happening mentally with the kids and I lOve them- BUT- they scream murder when we even put them in timeout...if there was brusing or something obviously- they wouldn't be going back and she'd be in jail- but there's NO evidence of physical abuse? I feel like I am being turned into some kind of monster here..:did I mention half of my family are police officers? Their damn uncle is a police officer- oh and my guy works with law enforcement everyday...of course the damn law is on our side. A judge isn't going to just hand the kids over to us...we don't have our own home. They don't have their own beds here...they do at their house. I am just as frustrated as everyone else but there's not much I can do- we did have a conversation about what can be done to discipline them and what can't be done. They are so excited to see her...and I guess she is actually babysitting their damn cousins tonight...if her sister left her kids there I guess we are the only ones that find this to be a big deal...I don't get it. I just know if she punches one of them again- I'm going out there and punching her.
What ms.blessed..n.di said?
What ms.blessed..n.di said? You cant send them back to an abusive situation. Your dh needs to get into court or at least see an attorney.
Let me get this straight.
Let me get this straight. YOU WON'T DEPRIVE THEM OF BEING BEATEN BY THEIR VITRIOLIC WORTHLESS POS OF A BM?????? :jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop: REALLY???????
Keep the kids, change their schools, put BM's vitriolic abusive ass in prison where she can be Helga the bull dikes bitch and leave her there. Have her put on the child predator list so she can never be within a safe and reasonable distance from any child including the ones she has spawned.
You have done the hard part. You ahve taken the kids and they are now safe and in your home with their dad and with you which is exactly were they belong.
Whatever you do DO NOT SEND THEM BACK TO THAT SKANKY ABUSIVE WHORE!!!!!!
And who gives a flying squirrel F($*k if the kids want to see their mother and little brother? What they want DOES NOT MATTER. What matters is that it is your DH's job and yours to protect them and provide for their best interests which has absolutley nothing to do with WHAT THEY WANT!!!!
They are young childred for Christ's sake. They have no clue what they want and no clue about what is in their best interests.
I understand the transportation issue. Keep them in your home, call their school and have any work they need to complete this school year sent to your home so the kids can complete it. If the school won't do that ..... transfer them to your district, and they can walk or ride the buss as is appropriate.
As for their baby brother, they should not be able to visit him at their womb donor's house anyway. Since he should be in foster care following the police report your DH filed on the abusive bitch of a BM.
I am fine with corporal punishment as a managed disciplinary tool What I am not fine with is beating a chid, mental and physical abuse.
Their worthless POS BM is in the past now and she should stay there.
IMHO of course.
THaNk YOu for not chastising
THaNk YOu for not chastising us. (it's two kids and DH and i are NOT married)- we've been attached at the hip for 5 years but ive decided not to rush it...). On a brighter note- the kids do actually see me NOW as a mother figure. We are very close and I don't put up with any BS from them anymore. They do LOVE me. I know theyd still choose her over me BUT that's because you're right- I'm NOT their mother. I never actually thought any of this would happen...I was just now getting used to the every weekend thing and her just dumping them on us three times a summer when she goes on vacations...I think in the end- hell- here is no prefect relationship or step situation. My mom and I had a long talk about the guy with kids thing...we were tryin to name off men around here without kids I'd ever be interested on lol...not happening. Everyone here had freaking kids. Why jump out of this with a man I love to jump into another damn step situation- my best bet would just to be a single small business owner that works two extra part time jobs on the side like I do...my life is work. Family and friends him and the kids. I am pretty okay with it. Just not the crazy BM or FMIL thing lol
The baby is...1 year and 4
The baby is...1 year and 4 months old...how long does post partem last? Or can it last!? I think She snapped because she has custody of all 3 kids? And is now kind of havin to do things by herself? Iiving alone and is realizing she can't put her love life first anymore? I don't know...
Dad needs to call CPS. Not
Dad needs to call CPS. Not calling can result in both of you being in as much trouble as BM. Those who know but don't call and protect the kids are just a bad as those who abuser.
Enroll them in a school in your area.
Dad needs to let his boss know what is going on. By knowing what husband is dealing with, he/she may be willing to work with his schedule.
Don not send those kids back to their mother.
I agree with all of the other
I agree with all of the other posters. Call CPS right now! Since it is a weekend, you may have to contact the local police department and they can have someone who is on call contact you.
DO NOT send them back to their mother. What everyone else said is correct. Just explain to them that you know they love their mother, but right now it isn't safe for them to be with her. Get that emergency hearing to get full custody and enroll them in a school in your area. It won't be easy to change schools this late in the year, but it can happen. Especially if the school is aware of the situation.
Good luck with everything!
In our county it's like kids-
In our county it's like kids- no matter what the situation always end up with "mom" - our county is a mom favoring county- I do thank everyone for commenting- I don't know much about any of this- and like I said- if there was evidence of physical abuse- they would not be going back there and we'd be asking the school to set it up so we could get their homework on the days we couldn't get them there. This just all came out of nowhere - any kind of physical discipline is unusual for her- which is why we have had so many behavioral problems with the kids. Her baby daddy is a cop and she has custody of that kid too- what does that say? Our only option would be to wait the month out...and as soon as they are done with school- pick them up and not return them...and file for full-custody. And send them to school super close to us. My DH is a really good guy and a really great dad. He does so much for his girls and they know they can come any time. We are only a phone call away. We made sure their teachers were aware he was in the picture (they already knew that- they talk about us constantly in school I guess) - but they now have him as a direct contact. They know to call him now even before mom. Baby steps...we will get them.