I can't think of any punishments off the top of my head, but I do think you need to install a video recorder in your home where nobody can see it and then show the video to DH so he can see SS' behavior. Maybe that will convince him to get his kid help, and start disciplining him. Given the history of this entire situation I don't know that having SS arrested will do anything. If anything, it might make him even angrier.

My husband had a brother like this and they fought with knives and brooms, anything they could get their hands on. They were 11 years difference and they were onry boys. I don't like that way of acting so I don't allow my kids to hit each other.

When ds9 gets around ds12, 9 gets so mad that he'll randomly punch 12. It's bizarre. I just have to watch them closer and say, that isn't appropriate. Then take something away. Its hard to punish a kid who goes back and forth.

When 12 is bad, I just have to mention calling his dad and he gets better.

Drop his drawers and light his bare ass up with a belt. If I had hit my younger brother (who is 6yrs younger) my parents would have blistered my ass. My parents made it abundantly clear that my job was to care for my younger brothers and under no circumstances was I to fight with them. When we got older we know that if we fought with each other we would have to fight dad when he got home. We never did get in to a physical altercation. My youngest brother passed away when I was 8yo and my surviving bro was 2. After that, the trivial sibling friction did not seem worth ill will between my brother and I.

SS is 9yrs older than DS4. If he was my kid and was beating on a younger child of mine he would learn in a hurry that he would rue the day he did it and would know exactly what the consequences were if hit his significantly younger sib.

You need to send DS the very strict message that if HE does not get this handled immediately with ZERO repeat incidents that you will you will call CPS and have the 13yo permanently removed from the home and put in to foster care. A 13yo who beats a 4yo needs to be in juvenile hall where he can get his ass kicked daily by the older kids.

I have zero tolerance for this kind of crap. I understand that kids from no longer intact families can have some issues but beating a small child when you are a teen is the result of a kid that chooses to abuse and has nothing to do with his dad having a second family.

Bullshit is bullshit and this is complete and total bullshit.

Zero tolerance on this one. All IMHO of course.

Good god in no way should you physically punish your SS. The #1 rule of step parenting should be Thou shall not lay thy hands on another persons child. Both children should be punished appropriately. I have SD's 13 & 5. SD5 loves and adores her big sister but big sister gets sick of her. She doesn't hit her...but she pushes her away...and sometimes to hard. SD5 falls or gets hurt in some way....its the end of the world. The best punishment for SD5 when she is antagonizing SD13 is to separate them. When I tell SD5 that she has to sit on the other side of the room...cant sit near or touch her sister, cant see what she's doing, cant talk to her....she is devastated. When I let her return I tell her she can go back to where her sister is only if she keeps her hands to herself and her face our of other peoples faces. (Shes great for getting right up in your face...ugh) When SD13 goes to far and pushes her out of frustration or anger then the best punishment I have found for her is sentences. Oh how she hates to write sentences. "I will keep my hands to myself because I would hate to hurt my little sister SD5." I make her write it 100 times and give SS5 a meaningful apology. I have only had to do this twice in 3 years. It is that dreaded. It barely ever has to go beyond a warning.

I am probably going to have a different opinion than most on this one. (I also don’t know about what video you are talking about). I would suggest keeping your DS away from SS.

If your SS was “really” PUNCHING him with any force, your DS would be in the hospital with broken bones and internal injuries. My kids were 6 years apart and this kind of things happens. I think you are handling it right accept that you seem to be letting the 4year old around SS too much. IMHO, I think you would be over reacting if you call the police on this. You even said, he did not have a bruise or anything.

Picture the scene…DS goes and hits SS, then SS hits back…(like I said, I don’t think it can be that hard, if he is really not hurting him) you call the cops and they come out and you tell them what happened. Really think about what you would be telling them.

My opinion is based off of this post, there may be more back story that I am un aware of.

Again, just keep your DS away from SS. My two fought a lot too and that’s what I did.

I dont think it's normal behavior. There's a 9 year difference here. My oldest dd is 13 and my youngest is 8-I would make her regret is severly if she ever punched my 8 year old in the chest. And frankly, in a million years I could never imagine her punching any 4 year old in the chest no matter if the kid hit her or how she felt about him. She would know it was wrong. Essentially, anyone in my house would be punished if they punched anyone in the chest. Not cool.
However, if you do nothing here ss is probably going to continue to hit your son and while he may not leave marks yet or do serious damage yet, maybe next time he will-perhaps not even meaning to. Your son will eventually want no relationship with his brother and it will create a bigger division in your family. My ss was a very aggressive child. He was constanly hitting, choking, pinching, etc. Fortunately there were never any serious injuries, but I was always frigtened that there would be. When he was around 7 he used to take my 2 years arm and twist it as hard as he could-I was afraid he would cause a spiral fracture. He regularly would put his hands aroud my son's throat and choke him (he would always stop after a few minutes), he has busted my son's lip and bloodied his nose as well. This was not just siblings playing-none of my kids ever did any of this stuff to ss (truly). They knew he was a loose cannon and what eventually evolved over the years is that they dont even want him around. He is no longer so aggressive to them-although he will still occassionally do something inappropriate-but the damage has already been done.
What I had to do eventually was supervise anytime that they had to be together. My ds and ss shared a room-I stopped making my ds sleep in there. I did everything I could to make sure my litle ones were never around him without me watching (quite a task as he lived with us fulltime). The only one of my kids he never was aggressive with is my dd who is 6 months older than him and has always been bigger than him. He's a smart boy and only was aggressive with the ones that were smaller than him.
I doubt that calling the police is an option-my guess is that they would call DCS and they would investigate the whole family and perhaps you and your dh could even recieve some sort of consequences for lack of supervision (not saying I dont think you were supervising properly) but that they may view it that way.

Your stepson needs to understand that hitting another person is never ok. And hitting a young child is not only not ok, but cowardly. He needs to learn to walk away. And if he hits, he needs to lose a valuable privilege.

I've never understood the concept of hitting a child then explaining that it's not ok to hit.